Bleeding Heart
by Sylvia Blackwood
Summary: Harry is afflicted with an unusual and dangerous curse. Voldemort's final gift. How can Love save him this time when Love is what's killing him? M/M Snarry. Graphic lemons in later chapters. Contains Mpreg.
1. Something's Wrong

**Author's Note:** Set in Harry's Seventh year. Final Battle over the summer.

* * *

Bleeding Heart

During the final battle, when Harry was locked in the ultimate dual that would determine the outcome of the war, Voldemort knew he was about to lose. He had one tenth of a second to send one final curse towards Harry before the energy from their wands took his life.

* * *

After everything was said and done, Harry decided to remain at Hogwarts for his final year. Hermione was only too happy to stay, even though she could easily test out of the final NEWTs. Ron and Ginny both decided to study from home so that he could heal with what was left of the rest of their family. Albus Dumbledore gave a full testimony on Severus Snape's behalf regarding his role as a spy, and demanded he be allowed to stay on as Potions Professor at Hogwarts. Snape wasn't thrilled, but it was safe and quiet. He'd pick anything that could keep him away from other people and their incessant questions. He found he was more irritable than ever. He didn't know why, but he felt it had something to do with a certain Golden Boy. Hardly a boy now, but a man with a Golden future. Surely he didn't need to keep himself from his adoring fan club.

As the new school year kicked off, Harry felt elated that all he had to worry about was his studies and Quiddich. Just like any other young man. He could put off the larger responsibilities for now, and just be Harry.

The first time he went to Double Potions, they were brewing a complicated potion that was surely going to be on the NEWT's. Harry thought his was going along well when he heard a voice behind him. "Mr. Potter. In what universe is that considered a clockwise stir?" Harry, being distracted by something else realized he was indeed stirring in the wrong direction. "Just because you're the star of the wizarding world, doesn't mean you get to slack off in class. Why did you even bother coming back if you can't even follow the simplest of instructions?" Snape turned and headed down the aisle while a few Slytherins laughed. No one saw how Harry's face was twisted in confusion and what looked like pain. He decided to ignore it, and continued working.

Weeks went by, and Harry could no longer ignore what was going on in Potions. It didn't happen every day, but it seemed every time he got on Snape's bad side, he ended up feeling a sharp pain in his chest. It reminded him of when he used the blood quill with Umbridge. He figured it was nothing, but it started leaving actual marks on his chest. Like he was slowly being scratched from the inside out. At this point, it was starting to get worse after every class.

Why was Snape affecting him so? He used to just get flushed whenever the man was around. But now, any time the man talked to him, or more likely talked down at him, he would feel that pain.

Finally, the day came when he was in so much pain, he couldn't even see straight. His potion was ruined, and nearly destroyed the classroom. Snape was livid. He kept going around and saying how fame is worthless compared to the real world, and how the real world would never accept an inept dunderhead and fool who uses his name just to get whatever he wants.

"Stop! Please stop!" Harry pleaded clutching his chest.

"And why should I stop? You get enough praise. It's time you listened to the truth. And the truth is that you are no more fit to brew a potion than Mr. Longbottom."

Harry started to cough. It steadily grew worse.

"You will keep your grotesque coughing to yourself if you please."

But the coughing didn't stop. Instead, Harry started shaking. "Plea…se… *cough* I *cough* can't help…" He couldn't even finish his sentence as he violently coughed up something he thought was phlegm. Yet when he looked down through his tears, he could see that his hand was covered in blood.

The class was silent as Harry collapsed to the floor unconscious from the shock. He wasn't the only one who wanted to faint from the sight. Snape stopped his tirade as soon as he saw the blood. He gently moved the boy over and onto his back. Catching a bit of red from the mouth, Snape followed it down until he could see red under his tie. Peering down the front of the robes, Snape gasped. He quickly gathered the boy into his arms and barked at the rest of the class. "Class dismissed. Leave your potions in your cauldrons and put a stasis charm on them. I'll grade them according to how precise they should be at this stage." With that, he rushed the unconscious boy to the hospital wing. He managed to send a Patronus to alert the Headmaster.

* * *

When he barged in, Poppy was more than surprised to see the two of them. "What in blazes happened? I was hoping this would be a year I wouldn't have to worry about young Mr. Potter."

Snape laid him down on the first available bed, and let the woman run her scans. When she removed the robe, the sight was ghastly. Blood seeped over the entire front of Harry's chest. Just then, Dumbledore and McGonagall both rushed in with worried faces. Harry's shirt was then removed, revealing an angry red X mark over Harry's heart. "What happened?" Dumbledore asked.

"He collapsed in my Potions class, Headmaster. He was coughing up blood." Snape said. He was still in shock himself. If he thought about it, every time he berated the boy, his hand would often go to his chest.

"Albus, I've never seen this before. It's riddled with Dark Magic. These wounds won't heal." Poppy said trying to stay calm but panic was clearly laced into her voice.

Dumbledore sat down on the edge of Harry's bed so that he could take a good look. He waved his wand a few times, and sat deep in thought. Finally, he spoke. "What caused him to have a fit, Severus?"

"I'm not sure Headmaster." Snape said.

"I'd appreciate your full honesty Severus. This is serious." Dumbledore didn't look at him, but his voice was firm.

Severus felt like he was a student back in the old days when the old man talked firmly to him. "I was criticizing his potion making abilities and saying how he can't hide behind the fame of his name forever."

"Have there been other times such as this?"

"No. Nothing too out of the ordinary."

Dumbledore sighed. Looking away from Harry, he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. The gesture made him look very old and tired, and that worried everyone in the room. "I fear," Dumbledore said slowly, as though he did not wish to speak his next words. "That Harry was not completely unharmed during the final battle with Voldemort. It seems as though he was able to curse Harry in his final moments. I have not heard of this kind of cruel magic in years." He looked back at the fragile boy with sympathy. "Oh Severus. Why must you hate the boy so?"

The question nearly knocked the Professor off his feet, though he seemed unmoved. "I don't know what you mean. I treat him no differently than any other student."

"Then the question must be why must you hate all your students, but we'll leave that for now. For now, we must focus on Harry, and your treatment of him." He reached up and brushed some hair out of Harry's eyes. "Harry Potter… is dying." The women both gasped while Snape's mouth dropped. "This curse is meant to turn words into daggers. When we feel disappointed, put down, yelled at, we feel a pang in our hearts. But this curse turns it into a physical manifestation of that pain. Like a knife slashing at his skin. In the common tongue, it's known as the Bleeding Heart."

"So he would be hurt every time anyone said something unkind?" Minerva asked.

"Normally, yes. Which was probably what the Dark Lord intended. But seeing as how Harry's greatest strength and shield was through love, it seems as though the curse took that form." Dumbledore finally looked at the frozen form of the Potions Master. "Every cruel word from the one he loved became a dagger stabbing his heart. You've been indirectly killing him Severus." Dumbledore waited until the facts sunk in.

Snape couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Are you trying to tell me that he loves me? That is absolutely absurd Albus! I'm old enough to be his father. I hated his father! And I only kept him safe so that he could live through this damn war. Now you're telling me that I'm the one who's been killing him? What do you expect me to do? Save the brat again?"

"Severus… look." Dumbledore pointed to Harry's chest.

Snape snapped to look at Harry's chest, and could see fresh blood seeping from the wounds. His babbling tirade died on his lips. And he felt lost.

"I don't expect you to do anything, Severus. Because nothing can be done now. I know asking you to learn to love the boy would be an impossible task, and I don't know the full nature of the curse involved. As it stands, Harry Potter will die much sooner than any of us would want. Two years at best with the extent of this damage. And he'll be in constant pain the whole time. I only ask you refrain from making it worse, Severus."

Severus felt all eyes on him. He felt the blame, and he couldn't stand it. He turned to leave while they all mourned over the fate of their savior. As he closed the door, he could see a familiar figure walking down the hall. "Ms. Granger. With me. I wish to speak with you." Hermione knew not to argue, even though she wished to see her friend badly. Severus knew she was probably concerned, so he didn't want to drag her all the way down into the dungeons for their chat. Instead, he took her to one of the bell towers. It was secluded enough, and private enough for them to have their discussion. Just to be sure, he put a silencing charm on the room. "What we discuss in here must be kept with the utmost discretion, is that understood?" He asked. Hermione nodded, waiting for him to continue. "You've sat with Mr. Potter during classes, and you're with him the most. Have you ever noticed any peculiar behavior?"

She cleared her throat. "Nothing noticeable. He laughs with his friends, he fights with other Slytherin students, but nothing has ever happened like it has today. Is he alright?"

"I wish I could say he was. Now tell me. Are you sure he's never acted strangely, even in my class?"

Hermione thought, "He seemed more uncomfortable in class. Sometimes when I thought he was concentrating, he looked like he was in pain, and he would rub his chest like he had heart burn. Since that was the only time it happened, and Potions is right after lunch, I thought he was just having acid reflux. I asked him a few times about it, but he said it was nothing. It was never too bad, so I didn't worry too much. But I should have known he was being stubborn, and didn't tell me when something was wrong. He doesn't like anyone worrying about him."

Severus thought this over. It was true. The boy hardly ever told anyone when he was having cursed nightmares or visions unless someone was in danger. "What about his personal life. Weren't he and Miss Weasley thinking about tying the knot soon?"

Hermione couldn't help but snort at that. "I'm sorry Professor, but anyone who knows Harry knows he's not interested in any girl. Ginny allows the rest of the public to think they are together so that it can ward off unwanted advances. I don't know why you're interested in Harry's personal life, but he isn't currently seeing anyone."

"It's relevant, I assure you. I need you to listen to me very carefully." Hermione started to look concerned. "I want you to research everything you can on an ancient curse known as the Bleeding Heart. It appears Voldemort may have cursed Mr. Potter with it during the final battle. Dumbledore is afraid there is no counter curse. I shall inform the library to give you access to the restricted section. Do you accept?"

It took a while for Hermione to find her voice. "O-of course."

"Very well then. I shall concentrate my own efforts in trying to find a potion to counter the effects. If you should find anything, report to me immediately, do you understand?"

"Yes sir."

"Very well. Go see your friend. But be aware that we are working against the clock." With that, Snape cancelled the silencing charm and headed down the stairs. On his swift escape to the dungeon, he failed to see a pair of sparkling eyes watching his retreating form.


	2. Moving On To Nowhere

When Harry finally woke up, he saw the headmaster was sitting by his bedside. He knew that couldn't be a good thing. "What happened?" He managed to croak out.

Dumbledore helped him to sit up, and gave him a glass of water. "Harry, during the final battle with Voldemort, did you feel any shift in your magic? The kind associated with a curse?"

Harry thought for a moment while he sipped the water. "Not that I can recall, but there was so much going on in that moment, I don't think I would have noticed. Why?" He went back to drinking his water.

"And how long have you been in love with Professor Snape?" Dumbledore couldn't help but chuckle as Harry spit out his water. Harry looked at him with horrified eyes. "Let me explain dear boy." He recounted the conversation that was held earlier, and waited for the young man's reaction.

Harry looked like he wanted to cry. "So while love was originally my salvation… it's now the driving force that's killing me?" After everything he's been through, he thought this blow was just unfair. He knew his forbidden feelings would never lead anywhere, and he accepted that… but this was too much. Tears started escaping his burning eyes fell onto his bandaged chest.

Dumbledore put a hand on his shoulder. "All is not lost Harry. Forgive me for being a sentimental old fool, but your reputation for beating outstanding odds is incredibly in your favor."

"Forgive me for not sharing in your optimism, sir."

"The main question is, what do you want to do?"

Harry thought about that. It was like he was a terminally ill patient, and he's faced with deciding what to do with what time he has left. He knew he was going to cry every night, but he knew what he wanted. Call him twisted, but he didn't want to leave the man who caused him such torture yet. "I wish to stay here. As though nothing happened. At the end of the term, there's the practice NEWTs. If I could be given the actual NEWTs, I would like to see what my scores are. Though, I don't think I'll be returning after the holidays. I might as well just leave and fade away."

Dumbledore was impressed with how well Harry was taking this. Even though he wished the situation was different. "Should I have you taken out of Potions?"

"No. Potions is a big part of the NEWTs, and there isn't another class I can transfer to. I don't want private lessons. I don't want to be given special treatment. I just… If Professor Snape could just simply ignore me, I will be fine."

"Very well my boy. Come and see me if you need anything at all. My door is always open to you." Dumbledore got up to leave.

"Thank you Professor." With that, Harry was left alone to his torturous thoughts.

The next day, Harry went to his classes as though nothing happened. Hermione helped spread a rumor that Harry's collapse was due to an untested Weasley invention, like the vomit pill, but it was a prank gone wrong.

Harry was a little nervous, but overall, he was fine until they headed down for Potions. As the rest of the class sat down, Hermione subtly squeezed Harry's hand. She didn't tell him about the conversation she had with Snape, or how she was spending every waking moment in the library trying to find a counter to his curse. She was simply lending him the support of a friend who knows exactly what he was going through.

Snape rushed in with his usual flare, and addressed the class. "Today, you will be having a pop quiz on the potions you have been doing so far this year. When you are finished, you may turn your quiz over and be dismissed for the rest of the day. Begin!" With a wave of his wand, a sheet of parchment appeared in front of everyone, and the sound of scratching quills was the only sound that was heard. Snape sat at his desk and started grading 3rd year essays.

Harry was confused. His parchment didn't look like the quiz Hermione had, and he felt himself break out into a cold sweat of nerves as he read the top.

 _Mr. Potter. To everyone else, this sheet will look like the normal quiz. But I request some answers from you. Please be as honest as possible._

 _When did you first feel the discomfort in your chest?_

 _If you have any, what are your other symptoms?_

 _Am I the only one you are affected by?_

 _How much pain are you in daily?_

 _Now the next set of questions will be more personal. Again, please be honest. I promised Dumbledore that I will try to avoid making your situation worse. Therefore, I promise to keep everything you write as confidential, and will only use it to assess the nature of your unknown curse._

 _Have you been involved with anyone?_

 _Are there others you have an attraction towards?_

 _Are you in love with me? If so, why? How long?_

 _For what it's worth. I apologize for my role in your situation. It is a poor excuse, seeing as how serious this is. The anger I feel since the war ended has caused me to be hateful and irrational. And I will admit to you, in confidence that you will keep this private, that I am jealous of what you have. The support, the approval, the acceptance. You have everything I wish I had, and that makes me bitter._

Harry felt like crying. He never thought the man would apologize for anything. Or the fact that he would admit anything, or say something personal. It warmed his heart that the man could even be this honest. The feeling was like a balm for his sore wound. With a small smile, he started to answer the questions.


	3. Questions and Answers

Once the last person left, Severus locked his classroom door, and immediately picked up Harry's 'quiz' and began reading.

 _When did you first feel the discomfort in your chest?_

 _During the first Potions class of the year when you made fun of me. It felt like a light scratching. Similar to a Blood Quill. But it didn't linger, so I didn't think anything of it for a few weeks._

 _If you have any, what are your other symptoms?_

 _Just the pain that came with the constant scratching. It eventually got worse and worse until… you know. I didn't want to go to anyone. I didn't want to go back to the hospital wing this year. I just wanted to have a normal school year for once._

 _Am I the only one you are affected by?_

 _Yes._

 _How much pain are you in daily?_

 _The kind of pain one would have with a flesh wound without painkillers. It's bearable._

 _Have you been involved with anyone?_

 _Not really. I've kissed two girls, but never really went out with anyone._

 _Are there others you have an attraction towards?_

 _Slight fleeting glances at best. Just to appreciate certain aesthetics. Nothing has really grabbed me._

 _Are you in love with me? If so, why? How long?_

 _There honestly isn't enough room on this sheet to explain the 'why'. It started in 5_ _th_ _year when we had those private lessons, and I learned exactly what my father did to you to humiliate you. But I also saw your home life. How you often were alone. I couldn't help but empathize with you after that. It's harder to judge someone when you knew all the facts. At that time, I didn't really blame you for hating me. I think I would too if I was in your shoes. But all of that aside, we have similar backgrounds with our estranged families. I couldn't hate you, no matter how much you yelled at me. In case you're wondering, what I feel is not pity. Just understanding. To say I love you seems cliché to me, because so much meaning is forced into such a small word. I am fascinated by you. I am in awe of you. I am inspired by you. I am humbled by you. I am captivated by you. I respect you._

Severus felt awestruck reading such devoted words. But that wasn't the end. There was a bit of writing down at the end.

 _None of this is your fault. I was being a stubborn headed Gryffindor, and didn't seek the help of others when I should have. And I never meant to reveal how I felt to anyone. Not because I was ashamed, but because that one selfish feeling was like my treasure that I wanted to keep all to myself, and damn everyone else and their opinions. Knowing Dumbledore, he must have made you feel responsible. You are not responsible for my fate. Do not waste your time trying to find something that perhaps wasn't supposed to exist. You've done more than enough for me, and I am grateful. The war is over. And after the holidays, I intend to disappear._

 _No matter what happens, I will always be grateful to you._

Severus was shaking so much, he had to sit down. How could the boy say he wasn't responsible? Yet here he was, virtually releasing Severus of any responsibility to his fate. How could he simply let this go? The boy will die, and regardless of everything else, the blood will be on his hands. He could see the headlines now. "Ex Death Eater Kills Savior". No matter what, his fate was bound to Harry now.

* * *

The next day during Potions when everyone got their quizzes back, Harry got a different parchment. It was too long to read, since they had to get started on the day's potion, but he put it in the front of his bag for later.

As Snape was going around the room, checking on the state of everyone's potion, he could feel Harry tense up as he approached him. Looking into his cauldron, he couldn't find anything at fault, so he simply said, "Well done, Mr. Potter." And left to go critique the next table.

Harry blushed fiercely, but only Hermione saw it. Harry rubbed his chest, but he didn't feel pain. It was more like an itch.

* * *

Back in the common room, where they had some time to do their homework before dinner, Harry remembered his 'quiz'. He unrolled the parchment, and started reading.

 _Mr. Potter. As pleased as I am to hear that you do not hold me responsible, it still does not excuse the fact that I am the one causing you pain. I may have disliked your father and your godfather, and I may have felt a personal vendetta against you, but I never wanted you physically harmed. I got over my dislike of you mostly in your first year when I could see your actions were nothing like your father's, and I realized what sort of danger you'd be in. You were just a child, and yet you had to take on the responsibility of the world. I wanted to protect you. But there were eyes everywhere, and I needed to keep up the act. Especially when the Dark Lord was revived. But afterwards, although I knew it was petty, taking things out on students was the only outlet I knew. And so, in order to try to make up partially for what I've done, I will not berate you in class. So long as you don't cause anything to explode, I believe we can form some sort of tolerance._

 _I appreciate your willingness to understand, therefore I wish to explain some things that you may not know. I knew your Mother and your aunt Petunia. They were the only other children in my neighborhood. The three of us were friends up until Lily started showing signs of being a Witch. I was happy, because I knew that meant she could go to the same school I was bound to go to when the time came. Her sister was less than thrilled, and abandoned the both of us. Lily and I became close friends. Much like you and Mr. Weasley on your first day. For a while, things were fine. I didn't need anyone else, so long as I had Lily. She was like a sister to me._

 _Your Father, James, started picking on me simply because he wanted Lily's attention, even if picking on me made her mad. Sirius didn't like me because we were distantly related to the same awful family. It escalated to the point where I felt weak at having Lily stand up for me all the time, and my biggest regret was how I called my one and only friend a Mudblood. She never spoke with me again, and she became inseparable from James. I felt hurt and betrayed, but I was the one who destroyed our friendship. After that, I didn't care about friends. In the end, it's not worth the pain for when they leave. I saw it all around me. It was easier being alone. I can't even remember why I even took the Dark Mark. Lucius was a smooth talker, and I just didn't care about anything. And no one cared about me._

 _I honestly don't know how you could possibly feel the way you do for someone like me. I do not deserve it._

Harry felt his heart ache for the man. These were the first words of civility passed between them. If anything, it made him love the man more. His chest started itching again, but at least it was better than the pain.

Harry had an idea. He knew that it was risky, but he had to make Professor Snape understand where he was coming from.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** This is just about where my muse had fled. But not to worry. This is one of the stories that is on the forefront of my mind. I just don't know when the next chapter will go up.


	4. Lost Cause

Hermione was being driven up the wall. Even with the use of a time turner, she felt like she was running out of time. She checked, and rechecked, and rechecked every source in the library and still couldn't find any solid leads. She had been searching for a month and her actual school work was suffering. For the first time in her life, when Professor McGonagall had asked her a question, she spoke the words that were once forbidden in her mind, "I don't know."

At the moment, she was trying to focus on her potion, but she could tell that what concoction she comes up with might be enough to be passable, but it goes against her own natural grain. She was losing sleep and she ended up crying alone some nights. She was losing her best friend, and that thought alone was unbearable to her, especially after everything they had been through.

What infuriated her the most was how calm Harry looked. None of their fellow classmates knew. They sent Ron an owl explaining the situation, and asked him to keep it a secret from the rest of his family. Harry didn't want the news to spread beyond that. He didn't want to be treated differently, and that almost made Hermione laugh in bitterness.

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice the bell ringing. She bottled her incomplete and appallingly poor potion and walked it up to the front. "Ms. Granger, if you could stay behind, please." She was startled out of her own thoughts when she heard Snape's voice travel soft enough for only her ears to pick up. She gestured for Harry and the others to go on ahead without her, and waited before the door to the classroom closed, leaving her and Snape alone.

Snape let out a weary sigh before he spoke, "Am I correct in assuming that your performance is slipping because of the task I appointed to you?"

She decided to be honest, "Yes sir."

"Have you found anything that could be of any use?"

"Only that the curse in question was called the Cruentis Cor. It's origin dates back to the days of Merlin, and the original intent of the curse was to take every bad feeling you have and turn it against you, eventually killing you, or the victim suffers in silence to the end of their days. There is nothing that states how the curse is performed or how it could be removed. The knowledge was said to have been lost during the massacre of the Druids. The only known documentation that exists are translations from the Standing Stones."

Snape thought about this. His own research turned up very little as well, and the whole situation was just as taxing on him. "Ms. Granger. I appreciate the work that you've put into this, but being a Professor, I cannot let you leave without advising you of the consequences this is putting on the rest of your work. I know what you are going through, and my telling you to give up is not an option, but what I want to know from you is, what if this is a lost cause?"

Upon hearing this, Hermione couldn't help but break down into tears. Snape could understand why she was upset beyond the obvious, but he couldn't bring himself to speak any words of comfort. She sniffed a bit, and dug out a tissue from her bag. "I'm sorry Professor. I know this whole thing is ridiculous. I just can't help but think how unfair it is. Harry spoke to me the other night, and he pretty much said the same thing."

"How is Mr. Potter fairing in this?"

"I don't know. He says… he…" She took a deep breath. "He says…" The words wouldn't come. Instead, she fished out a spare vial, drew her wand to her temple, and pulled out the wisps of a memory, which she then promptly bottled. She put the vial on the desk and stepped back, "I'm sorry Professor, but may I please be excused?" She let out a breath, defeated.

"You may. I expect you to write me a full essay on your findings in order to make up your marks in class." Snape offered. He watched the girl leave without another word before reaching the vial. Curiosity made him want to view the memory immediately, but he had another class in a few minutes. He pocketed the vial and tried to think about the situation that dominated his thoughts as of late.

* * *

After dinner, in the privacy of his rooms, Snape pulled out the vial that held the curious memory. He poured it into his pensieve and allowed himself to be pulled into the smoky vision. The mist around him shifted into the familiar shapes of the Gryffindor common room. "Hermione, please just let this go." Mr. Potter said.

"I can't Harry. I can't just give up."

"But you are letting yourself get behind. I will not have you jeopardize your future by wasting your time on something that's a lost cause."

"How can you accept this so easily? How are you so calm?"

Harry came close and took her hands in his. He looked straight into her eyes. The connection between the two would have appeared intimate to an outsider, but this was a connection of the utmost trust. "Hermione. All my life, I've had to accept things as they are. I had to accept that my parents were dead, and I was in hell with my relatives. I had to accept the fact that I was a wizard, and my life as I knew it was about to change forever. I then had to accept that everyone knew my name for something I never had control over. I had to accept that people either overly liked me or hated me because of my name. I had to accept that I was to be put in danger time and time again. I had to accept the fact that I've fallen in love with the one man who will never look at me the same way… ever. I also had to accept that I was most likely going to die in the final battle. And now… I have no choice but to accept this as well. This curse… it was supposed to turn every bad thought or hurtful word into a stab at the heart, correct?" She nodded, "Then I really should have been dead long before this. Wouldn't you agree? The bad press alone would have done me in long ago." She let some tears slip, but she nodded anyway. "Don't look at the negative. Instead, I'll just go and live a little bit before the end. I've already written to Ron. We're having a large family gathering at the Burrow, a holiday full of happiness and joy, and then I will leave. I don't want anyone to mourn my death, and I don't want anyone to be sad. I want you to remember me smiling. And going off on an exotic trip. An adventure to live. And so I'm asking you and everyone I know honor my final wish… Learn to just let me go. Let me fade into the woodwork, and let me disappear. After the holidays, I won't write to anyone, and I won't let anyone know where I am. I will be just Harry. Harry until the end."

Hermione couldn't stand it. She threw her arms around her friend and sobbed. He held her close and gently rubbed her back. He didn't cry, just commiserated with his friend. Finally, when she calmed down somewhat, she asked, "What about Snape?"

"What about him? Nothing more needs to be said between us. I'm thankful that he's just ignoring me now. Although I almost feel left out when he snarks at the other Gryffindor's. I'm almost slightly jealous." He tried to laugh. "He'll just receive a final package from me when the holiday break begins. I don't want him feeling responsible for me, and I know that my forgiveness will fall on deaf ears, so I've arranged for something special to simply show the sincerity of my feelings."

"What if you found someone else? What if you could learn to love another? Wouldn't that help?"

Harry sighed. "I don't know. Ever since I found out Snape was the one I was in love with, I couldn't see anyone else. I know that's hard to believe, but there's just something that fits. You know? No matter how much he hurts me, those feelings haven't faded. You'd think I'd come to my senses by now. That's why, if I leave, I might be able to get the most out of living. But to live without love… what kind of life is that Hermione? Even if I didn't have this curse. The fact that the man forever hates me was enough for me to be lonely and miserable all on its own. I didn't need a curse to feel the pain."

This was where the memory was fading. Severus pulled himself out of the basin, and went straight to his liquor cabinet. Pouring himself a snifter of brandy, he thought about Harry and his situation. Harry was no different than a patient coming to terms with the idea that they will soon die. The thought troubled him personally, because not only did his actions lead to Lily's death, but now he was going to be tied to her son's as well. Harry was right. No amount of forgiveness would make him feel any less responsible. He'll live with this guilt to the end of his days.

He still couldn't figure out why the boy had feelings for him. Despite what Harry mentioned in his 'quiz', he's tried to think if it was gratitude, sympathy, pity, or some other mistaken emotion that could trick Harry into thinking that he loved his dour Potion's Professor, but the curse wouldn't affect him so if that were the case.

That was another mystery. This was a bastardized version of a forgotten curse. How could they possibly find anything useful? Even for a well-known curse to take a different route, there would have to be some strong underlying magic to change the desired affects. Take the Avada Kedavra, for instance. Harry was living proof of how that curse could act differently than the original, most used intent. Lily's love threw off the balance that powers the death curse. To welcome death so another can live.

So what of this curse? What originally drove it? Who created such a curse? It was clearly an unregistered piece of magic if the Ministry didn't have any permanent documentation of it. Voldemort might have found the spell and cast it wrong. Or there was that time when Voldemort did share Harry's mind briefly, so maybe he knew the cruelest way to kill the boy. So many variables. He was starting to get a headache from the possibilities. Potions were simple. Stir once and twice in the proper direction, use the proper ingredients in the proper amounts, and you'll get them same result, no matter what. But magic was influential based on the power of the wizard and the natural aura of magic around them.

Severus finished his brandy and shifted his thoughts. Harry. What about Harry? Should he let the boy disappear? Or should he do something? He felt that if he did nothing, then he would not be able to forgive himself for passing up his one chance to reconcile… something. He needed to observe Harry, and see if there might be something more that he could do. Perhaps he might be able to keep the boy safe for an extra year. He needed to be able to keep an eye on him… and he knew just the way.


	5. Tick Tock

The Holidays were just around the corner, and Harry was dogging Hermione to focus on her own stuff. He didn't let her leave the table before he checked over her work. Hermione was annoyed, to say the least, but she couldn't say anything. How do you act around your dying friend? How do you pretend everything is normal? She was still no closer to finding her answers, and neither was Professor Snape. She was most surprised by his behavior as of late. He really did take great pains to simply ignore Harry in class. Hermione could see the prominent bags under the man's, and they seemed to be gaining more shadows as time went on.

Hermione was at her wits end. She finally decided to do something she never thought she'd do... Go talk with the Headmaster one on one. McGonagall gave her the password for the Gargoyle, and she tentatively knocked on the big wooden door. "Come in." She heard the invitation. Once inside, she couldn't help but feel nervous. "Welcome, Miss Granger. Welcome. May I offer you some tea and biscuits."

"Tea would be lovely, thank you." She needed something to calm her nerves, and holding a cup will keep her shaking hands at bay.

"Certainly." He waved his wand, and a full tea set appeared on the small table. "Please have a seat, and tell me what I can do for you. Although I do have an idea as to what this visit is about." His eyes twinkled at her over the half-moon rimmed glasses.

"It's about Harry sir. I can't find anything about the curse in question. As you know, Professor Snape granted me access to the restricted section of the library, but even with those vast tomes of knowledge, I've come up with very little. I don't understand how Voldemort could have used a curse that is so elusively known."

Dumbledore stirred his tea and took a sip before answering, "My guess is that he had means of learning of such a spell from someone of that time. There's a couple different ways I see this happening. You know of the thefts of the ministry when the Death Eaters infiltrated the walls. What knowledge the ministry did have, even incomplete, could have fallen into their hands. Anything that appeared useful, they took. And even an incomplete curse can do unspeakable damage. Also, Voldemort and Harry were both gifted in seeing the shades beyond death. Shadows of those departed. For example, think back to Harry's time in the graveyard, when he believed he saw his parents. Visions, though they may be, hold great knowledge that could not be held in a book. Voldemort could have conjured such a specter in order to learn powerful secrets of forgotten curses. Ones he knew would be forgotten. That sort of Dark Magic takes its toll on a wizard, even one with great power. I don't think he did it more than necessary."

"You knew what Harry's curse was. Can you tell me if you know any more about it?"

"You probably know as much as I do Miss Granger. I'm sorry to say. And it pains me to know that nothing can be done about it. The curse has settled, and without knowing exactly what caused it, it is most likely permanent." Hermione started to cry at this. "I know how hard this must be for you. You take pride in your work and your knowledge, and not being able to find the answers must be very hard indeed. I wish there was more I could do for you and Harry. You know this. But the fact remains that it is now out of all of our hands. Only time will decide what will happen. Harry is being very brave. I support his decision to leave. I can only pray he's able to find some happiness." A tear slipped from the eyes that no longer twinkled.

* * *

It was the last Hogsmeade weekend before the Holidays, and Harry was finishing up his Christmas shopping. He tried not to think about what would happen after his stay at the Burrow. He had already settled his wishes with his Will. He asked Kingsley to be a witness to his legal affairs, and he squared everything away with his accounts at Gringotts. Now, he just focused on getting everyone a really neat and meaningful gift. He also decided to look up places he wanted to travel to. He had the money to travel the world three times over, but he wanted to spend some real time in each of the places he chose. He decided to focus on the opportunity of a lifetime. To see the world in all its magnificence. He let the excitement drive him, and keep most of the worry from his mind. It didn't work all the time. He had nightmares every night. No longer of the battle, or of Voldemort, but of bleeding to death from the gapping mark on his chest, of Snape accusing him of being worthless and loveless, of the ground opening up and pulling him in. Still, he put on a brave front, because he didn't want to worry anyone, especially Hermione. He knew how affected she was by this, and that's why he tried to spend as much time with her as possible, before he desperately needed a few moments of solitude. His stubbornness got him into this situation, so he might as well use it to get himself through these months.

As he wrapped his presents one by one, without magic, he wrote a personalized letter for each person on his list. The closer he was to them, the longer the message. Hermione's letter was 6 parchments long. Finally, he saved Snape's gifts for last. One was a vial with a memory. He found it among his parents' belongings in his family vault. The other was a message in the form of a memory. He got a few pointers from Dumbledore on how to do it. He wrote instructions to use both in the pensieve before viewing them. And finally, there was a silver armguard. The instructions were for Snape to place it over his left arm, covering the mark that was still there. As he finished wrapping the final package, he really did feel like he was wrapping up this chapter of his life. What happens afterwards, he didn't know. He absentmindedly stroked the bandages on his chest.

* * *

Snape paced back and forth in his private quarters. In his hands, he held his resignation letter. The final decision was whether or not he should really take it to the Headmaster. This must be the most idiotic situation he's ever found himself in. He must be going insane if he was actually contemplating quitting his job in order to trail after the hero of the age to watch over him until his dying day. How disgustingly romantic. It left a bitter taste in his mouth, but he couldn't bring himself to forget the idea. If he stayed, the idea that the boy was going to die would haunt him until he read the headline from the Prophet, "Savior Found Dead", and then he would have nightmares until the day he died because he didn't do anything about it. He wanted to do something. Anything. While there was still time. What it was however… he didn't know. This is why he hesitated. He didn't know what he hoped to accomplish.

The decision was taken out of his hands when his personal fireplace flared to life, expelling the Headmaster from its fiery hearth. "Severus my lad! I haven't seen you at meal times the passed couple nights, and I just wanted to make sure everything is alright. You seem to be in a bit of a tizzy." Dumbledore spouted. Snape swore the man was being overly cheery on purpose just to mock him. Surely he knows what plagued the Potions Master as of late.

"What would you have me say, Albus? That all is well or that I'm being driven simply out of my mind because the life of a young man hangs in the balance, and I'm the one holding the rope." Almost as though his energy escaped with his words, he slumped boneless into his armchair, suddenly exhausted, with the letter still clutched in his hand. "I honestly don't know what is driving me in the first place. Is it my guilt? My pride? My self-preservation? I don't see why this whole affair affects me so much."

"Indeed. You must feel something for the boy, otherwise you would not be in such a state." The Headmaster took a seat across from him.

Snape balked at that, "Feel something, you say. Who says I feel anything for that boy?"

"Whether positively or negatively, your feelings are more involved than you realize. Guilt is understandable with your current history. If it was a matter of pride, you would have simply ignored the situation and went about your life as though nothing has changed. And would it really be your own preservation you're thinking of when you are trying so hard to be accommodating to Harry? You can lie to yourself all you want Severus, but if Harry was any other student, you would sit on the sidelines, quietly, and that would be the end of it. But you're invested in him. You've helped save his life several times, and this will be the time you won't be able to."

Hearing those words stung. Snape forced himself not to flinch. "So you're saying… that there really is no hope?"

"Hope is an illusion that helps us cope with life. Just as life is full of mystery, it is also full of uncertainty. How many times have you lost hope?"

Severus replied softly, "Too many to count."

"And yet here you stand." He reached out his hand. "I will take that letter now, and see that the details for your resignation are in order.

Severus reluctantly handed his letter over. It felt so final.

"If it will help you to have an extra purpose, I would appreciate the occasional update in your endeavors." With that he rose and headed towards the fire. "And one more thing Severus." He said looking back. "There's no need for you to be a spectator. Perhaps you should use this opportunity to learn how to live again for yourself." Without waiting for a reply, he sauntered into the welcoming flames.

Severus was left with even more to think about. Now that his resignation was official, he was, for the first time in his life, left without a plan on where his life was going.


	6. No Turning Back

At long last, the final day of the mock NEWTs was over, and all the students were in an uproar for the coming Christmas break. Harry packed his trunk with everything he owned and tried not to think about how that night would be the last night he would ever spend in that wonderful bed. Harry refused to admit it, but he was scared. Here were his final moments in this school, and he felt like crying at the loss of his 'home'. As he went down to dinner, he forced himself to forget his fears. He would have had to leave these halls anyway, like a baby bird needing to leave its nest. But he felt pulled outside of his comfort zone, which in turn, amplified his doubts about his resolve. Was he doing the right thing? Can he go through with it? What situation would be worse?

Taking a deep breath, he entered the dining hall and forced himself to join in the happy conversations around him. He listened to everyone's plans for the holidays and allowed himself to have a double helping of dessert. All the while, he felt the disconcerting feeling like he was being watched. He didn't have to know who as his injury started to twitch.

* * *

Snape watched Harry as he joked with his friends. It was painfully obvious to him that it was all an act. He could see the sweat caused by stress, he could see the creased lines around the eyes that were caused by a too wide smile, and he cringed at the slightly exaggerated laugh. He was about to come apart at the seams, and no one around him could see it except perhaps Miss Granger. But she was in a similar state. Forcing the cheeriness. Neither of them paid attention to the other, and it seemed as though it was a silent agreement between the two of them. As though a spell would be broken… and something would break alright… or break down…

Not feeling the mood of the holiday spirit himself, he decided to retire to his own chambers to indulge his own spirits. As he walked down to the dungeons, he paid attention to the echoing sound of his foot falls in the empty corridor. Always one step, then another. Softly consistent steps. Such solitary steps. Never behind another, nor in front, and certainly never alongside. This was how it was. This was how it has been… As he continued down, he imagined another set of steps. Long enough to keep up, and close enough to invade the personal space. What would it be like to walk with someone? Snape wondered. Simply walk in comfortable silence, just enjoying the simple presence of another person? Snape felt ridiculously pathetic at not being able to picture such a thing.

* * *

Morning came, and all the students were rushing their trunks to the front of the building, anticipating the thrill of seeing their families and being able to enjoy a few weeks of purely blissful vacations. Everyone was lost in their own little world of possibilities.

Harry on the other hand tried to hand out his presents as quickly as he could, get a hug in thanks, and move on trying not to think that this is probably the last time he'll ever see any of them. Once they get off that train, that will be the end of it. As Harry rounded the corner of the entrance hall, he was stopped short by the very man he'd been trying to avoid.

"Mr. Potter. If you could linger behind for a few moments, I would greatly appreciate it." Snape's voice was steady, but there was an uncertainty in his tone that was barely noticeable.

They were alone in the corridor, but that didn't make Harry any less nervous, "Yes, sir."

Snape pulled out a jar of something and handed it to Harry. "This is a salve I have created that should help with the pain. If your wound is unable to heal, then it might still be prone to infections as well. Use it as often as you need and owl me if you need more." He spoke slightly fast as though he was trying to get the whole phrase out before he could take back what he was saying.

Harry took the jar and stared at it a moment. This was probably the nicest thing Snape had ever done for him, apart from always saving and protecting him, and he felt warm. He smiled wholeheartedly at the man. "Thank you, sir. I mean it. Thank you for everything." With that, Harry walked away with the jar safely tucked into his pocket. His chest was burning with an itching sensation, but he decided to ignore it.

Snape's stomach however, was doing backflips. That smile. That innocent and honest smile. Merlin help him, he was at a loss for what that sensation could be.

* * *

When Harry and Hermione arrived at the Burrow, it took a total of 13 seconds for every red head in residence to swarm them both into welcoming hugs and mindless chatter.

All of a sudden, there was a sharp whistle coming from the youngest male Weasley's pursed lips. "All right now. We can all ask them questions later, but if you don't mind, I would like to escort my friends upstairs and have a private conversation with them before tea." Everyone scoffed at Ron, but apparently, he did make this agreement with his family beforehand, but who really listens to the younger siblings?

Ron carried Hermione's trunk upstairs with his two friends behind him. Once they finally closed the door, Ron nearly collapsed to the floor. "Bloody hell! I love my family and everything, but I can't take much more of this. Please, I am begging the both of you to regale to me your adventures, for I am stuck in boring ol' Weasleyville."

It was easy to laugh with Ron, and they had honestly missed him. He might have kept things from getting too depressing. It didn't matter now that they were all together. For a few minutes, Harry and Hermione told him all the latest gossip of who was crushing on who, and who was unbelievably dating who. "No way! Neville and Zabini! You have GOT to be joshing me!" Sure enough, it was no joke. Neville revealed it to everyone that morning when he confessed where he was going for the holidays.

They listened to Ron explain the aftermath of his family adjusting after losing Percy and Fred. George was never the same, but he continued the Weasley Brother Business in honor of him, though most of the time, the Weasley was plum out of Weases. The air in the room turned a bit too somber, and after a bit of silence, Ron said, "So Harry, I've done as you asked. None of the rest of them know. Not even Ginny. She's going to give me hell when she finds out, not to mention my mum. Do you know how bloody hard it is to keep a secret around that woman? After all of my brother's, she's a Masterful Expert at finding out hidden secrets. They all lightly chuckled at the revered Madam Weasley. Strongest woman alive to survive all those Weasley sons. "May I see it?"

Harry was shocked and nervous. He hadn't even shown it to Hermione, and he didn't know how well she would take to seeing it. As though reading his thoughts, Hermione stood up, "I'll just wait for you both downstairs. You both could use some alone boy time." She tried to smile, but it was strained.

Ron hopped up and caught her at the door. He drew her into another hug and whispered into her ear. "After dinner, let's go for a walk. Just you and me. Okay?"

She could tell what he was offering. A chance to spill everything. She's kept her letters vague at best, but right now, she couldn't wait to purge everything. "Sounds great." She says before disappearing out the door to find the other Weasleys.

"Ok, Harry. Off with the top." Ron says.

Harry wanted to choke on his laughter. "Shouldn't you buy me dinner first before I'm meant to strip for you?"

"Please, what you're showing me would barely be worth the appetizer. You deserve a dinner if I was making you strip your pants."

"Let's not come to that then." Harry missed this bantering. He removed the shirt and carefully started to remove the bandages. The more layers he pulled off, the more crusty the bandages became. Until finally it all fell away to reveal the raw and angry "X" on his chest.

"Bloody hell Harry…" Ron said barely above a whisper as he came real close to examine it. His eyes traveled over the fresh gashes and scabs of the hideous mark. "I could see why Hermione didn't want to stay. I feel like crying myself just looking at it." He looked like he wanted to touch it, to make sure it was real and not just a cruel figment of his imagination. "So this is the price one pays for loving an unlovable man, huh?"

Harry felt slightly offended, "Hey. He can't be all that unlovable if I happened to fall in love with him in the first place."

"Yeah, well, you've always been slightly off, mate. I hate to tell you. No one goes through your kind of life without going round the bend once or twice."

Harry responded by throwing a pillow at his friend, causing him to fall backwards into a fit of giggles. Harry found himself laughing as well, and for that little moment, everything was fine.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Thank you all for the reviews! I know I have several stories in the realm of the incomplete, but I think this one will be the one I focus on until it's seen to the end. However real life likes to take away whatever free time I have, so apologies for any long waits.

Anyone want to throw in a Bucket List item for Harry to do on his great adventure?


	7. Forget For Now

After tea, Harry decided to talk with Mrs. Weasley, Bill, Charlie, and Ginny about anything and everything. Ginny has been thinking about becoming an apprentice to her brother Charlie and is thinking about moving to Romania. Bill and Fleur had just moved to a small cottage on the coast far enough away from people but not too far to be out of reach. Mrs. Weasley was beside herself, because she was reaching the point where she was losing all of her children to the outside world. With all the mayhem she received daily for nearly 30 years, having a quiet household almost seemed like a nightmare.

Harry laughed and enjoyed the conversations immensely until Mrs. Weasley asked him, "So Harry dear, what plans do you have for after graduation?"

Harry really didn't want to lie. "I don't really know ma'am. I've been trying to focus on what I want to do for the rest of my life, and there's no set plan yet. I figured I'd just take things as they come, do some traveling, and see where I belong."

"I know how hard life has been for you dear. You've already lived through so much. While other children fall and cry over a scraped knee, you had to sleep with one eye open for the dangers that grown men would be afraid of. I'm so happy you're not burdened with all of that any more. You deserve a life full of happiness."

Harry tried to smile. He wanted to reassure her somehow. But his heart felt too heavy.

* * *

"Alright Hermione. You've been quiet long enough. Spill." Ron and Hermione were walking around the pond that shared the grounds of the Burrow. It was far enough away that he was sure no one would eavesdrop on them. When they set out for their walk, neither one of them felt like starting an awkward conversation that would eventually lead into what they really wanted to discuss. So they simply walked in silence until Ron felt it was safe to speak.

It took her a few tries, but she really didn't know where to start. The snow was gently falling around them, and she felt the silence and the cold air had robbed her of her voice. "I… I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't talk to anyone, and I can't fix this. And Harry… he takes it so… he's so stubborn… I can't help him… I can't be there for him… he's slipping away, and I can't follow him!" By now she was openly sobbing. The dry air was stinging her throat as she tried to breathe around the tears.

Ron pulled her into a hug and let her weep. He held her tight and waited for her to purge herself before he spoke. "I'm so sorry I haven't been around for either of you. If I had known, I would have come back. But Harry told me not to. He didn't want pity. And he didn't want things to change. It killed me not being there for him. And for you especially. You've got bags under your eyes, and you're exhausted. You can imagine my surprise when Dean wrote to me telling me that the great and powerful Hermione Granger has been replaced by a changling wearing her skin. One who would dare tell the professor that she didn't know the answer to a question!" His face took on a mock offended scowl, "Harry is not the only one who's stubborn, you know. Your letters eluded to how you're fine, you're doing this on your own, and that you didn't need me there. I know I couldn't have done much of anything to help in your search. I'm bollocks at that, and everyone knows it. But I could have helped you by just being there to talk to. In a way, you both shut me out. Do you know how useless that made me feel?"

She sniffled, and finally looked up at him. "I'm sorry, Ron. I know. I've just been so wrapped up in this whole thing that I didn't want to think of anything else. Not until I found the answers. But I didn't realize how this would end. I thought if you were there, then I would be an absolute horror. I mean… If you joked about the situation, treated it like a game, or tried to make light of everything, I would have lost it. I know you would mean well, and Harry… Half the time I don't know what Harry thinks anymore. Not being able to tell anyone… I also thought about if you were there, all I would do is cry, and abuse your friendship. You would get sick of me then. And once Harry… I just don't know where to go from here. Time is up… and Harry is leaving." More tears started to flow, but not as violently.

Ron continued to hold her, "I know what you mean. But Harry isn't gone yet. Let's do this for him. Let's give him some fantastic memories to give him before he leaves."

"How can you accept it so easily?"

"Trust me, I'm not. I'm angry, hurt, betrayed, flummoxed, and shocked. But… I've already gone through the grief of losing two brothers. To have something that close to you just ripped away… Something leaves your heart, and it's gone forever. I never got to say goodbye to them, and I felt like so much time was wasted. I felt like there was still so much we could have done, and I think of all those things still left unsaid. Arguments that seem so petty and a bond that could have been even stronger if it was given a chance. That's why I stayed behind for my family. George… he lost half of himself. Half his heart and half his soul. How do you think he feels every morning standing in front of the mirror? And for me to watch him leave every day and come home with the same vacant expression… This grief… this loss… has been in my heart since the end of the war. This is the grief you've been facing too, though prematurely… The loss of a brother." He gently used his gloved fingers to wipe away her tears. "But Harry is here, right now, and he's alive. We may not be able to change the inevitable, but we can live it up with him now. It will be better for all of us to look back on this time with smiles and not melancholy trepidation. Let's be like we should be… obnoxious teenagers! Let's wreak havoc on my parents. Let's play Quiddich with Ginny and the boys. You can try to teach me how to knit or better yet, clunk my head with a book to get me to do my bloody holiday work." She giggled at that. "And let's all have a Christmas worth remembering!"

* * *

Happy chaos ensued under the patchy roof of the Burrow. Mrs. Weasley couldn't fault the children in their fun. No matter how devious it became, she loved it all. The group would engage in ruckus conversation during breakfast, and then some hellish activity was sure to follow. George was out and gone to his shop for Christmas customers after having a quick bite, but the light in his eyes was a welcome sight as he handed over his prototype products to the rest of the family to test. Maniacal laughter could be heard outside as George apparated away.

First there was Festive Fireworks. Meant for indoor parties and birthdays. They were meant to explode flashes of light in a flowery burst, then shower confetti. However, the mixture was more potent than what was probably intended, for it set fire to a number of furniture items when the sparks flew. Not to mention the fact that no one bothered to vanish the mess of burnt paper when they were done.

Another was the Pitch Ditch, which were little candies that changed your voice into either a low baritone, or the highest helium induced falsetto. Needless to say, countless carols were sung in the most colorful array of ranges.

Then there was Snow Glow. Meant for snowball fights in the dark. The downfall to that was when the snow melted, the substance would turn gloopy, and get everywhere. All of them had to carefully wash out their hair as it was worse than gum. It also stained the skin and reeked of stale porridge. George got quite the beating of glowing snowballs as soon as he got home from work.

Harry couldn't remember having so much fun. Every day was a new adventure, and he cherished it. At the end of the day, after dinner, when the sun escaped the sky and the stars ruled the evening, they would all collapse in front of the large fireplace, exhausted from the day of hilarity, and settle into the natural quiet of the ambience. Ron and Hermione would often be cuddling on the couch with Hermione's nose in a book and Ron absentmindedly rubbing her shoulders or combing her hair with his fingers as he joined in the light conversation with George about his crazy holiday customer stories and the results of his new inventions. Harry would find himself sprawled on the carpet, propped up on a large pillow, engaged in a game of wizard's chess with Bill. Someone he would have a 50/50 chance of beating. Charlie would be pouring over books about dragons with Ginny. Mrs. Weasley would knit and smile at her children, adopted ones included. Mr. Weasley would be doing paperwork and raving about the newest muggle invention he discovered. It was all very domestic and simple, and it was perfect.


	8. Learning To Be Lonely

Back at the castle, the halls echoed with the abundant silence. It seemed as though every person had somewhere to go for the holidays. And why wouldn't they? This was the first year in who knows how long where a war wasn't knocking on the front door. If children didn't have families they could go home to, they at least went with some of their friends to celebrate. As such, with the exception of the house elves and the residential spirits, it seemed Severus Snape was the only person in the castle who had nowhere to go. Dumbledore was off somewhere in Zanzibar of all places and McGonagall was in Scotland.

As he mindlessly walked the halls, he allowed himself to think about the things he often refused to dwell on for any amount of time. For instance, when did he ever have a place to go for the holidays? When he was a student, he would rather walk on hot coals than go home where his drunken father would have an opportunity to use him as a piñata. He never went to the Malfoys when Draco was young. And he never opened presents in the company of others. Present giving for him was more of an obligation rather than a gesture of goodwill. Mundane trinkets to and from colleagues, nothing more. Except for a few precious items that were once given to him by Lily, he couldn't remember really receiving anything special.

The more he thought about it, the more pathetic he sounded. Even before he came to Hogwarts as a student, the holiday held no joy for him. His mother wouldn't decorate or cook a large meal. She simply gave Severus a practical item that wasn't even wrapped, like a new ink set. The only thing his father ever gave him was a special beating. He remembered being jealous of other children as they all showed off their bounty. He felt sad and irritated that he couldn't join in their happiness. He could barely remember being happy. Aside from the one friend he screwed everything up with, he was void of any real positive emotions.

Pathetic. He thought once again. What was the point? He'd been on this planet for 39 and a half years, and he was still a novice when it came to social interaction. He was silent at gatherings and gentile only when the occasion called for it. If he didn't have a job that forced him to socialize once in a while, he would have been a hermit for sure.

Since no one was around, he slumped his normally rigid posture and leaned over the rail looking out to one of the gardens. His thoughts then strayed to a certain boy… or man… one who actually saw something worthwhile in him. Otherwise that young man's life would not be hanging by a thread at this very moment. While his research came up with very little in ways of curing the curse, he also looked into possible loopholes to change the properties of the curse at least. What he really wanted to do, that he would never admit to anyone out loud, was to switch places with the boy. He's lived his life, and words didn't hurt him anymore, so the curse would possibly be stagnant. But really, all he could think of was how Harry had so much more. More to live, more to dream, more to do. Severus could die tomorrow, and he couldn't bring himself to care. But Harry… Harry deserves to live. And like Miss Granger, he felt absolutely useless at not being able to find anything that could help Harry beyond the salve he gave him.

He also wondered when he started referring to the boy as 'Harry'. He couldn't deny it any longer. He was invested. At night, his subconscious decided to plague him with scenarios of the 'what if' genre. What if they were a couple? What if Harry committed suicide? What if Severus murdered him in cold blood and soon followed? What if he kissed Harry? What if Harry wrapped his arms around him? It was a tossup whether the dreams were to be scintillatingly pleasing or aggressively agonizing. He thought of one dream in particular. So real he was confused when he woke up. Harry was lying on his bed. He didn't have a shirt on, and he didn't venture to guess if there was clothing covering the important parts underneath. But it didn't matter. Severus just watched as the young man slept. He fit comfortably into the softness of the sheets with his head sunken into the pillow. He breathed lightly and the subtle rise and fall of his chest was the only movement in Severus's line of sight as he stared at the sleeping youth.

Severus closed his eyes and brought forth a few scenarios that would go along with such a dream. He imagined combing his fingers through those wild curls. No doubt they would be soft as silk. He picture running his calloused fingers down the smooth skin on his arm. Warmth radiating from the exposed flesh, but raised with goose bumps from the gentle touch.

He imagined lying next to such a form. So close but still not touching. Would that figure seek out more warmth and draw closer to him? Resting his still sleeping head onto Severus's shoulder, so close to his rapidly beating heart. Would Severus bring his arms around the figure and relish in the simple contact of just being able to hold someone. Protect someone from the nightmares of darkness they both faced.

Some cold slush released its grip from the ledge above and hit Snape on the top of his head, forcing him out of his thoughts. After brushing the damp cold from escaping down his neck, he continued his walk. He thought of how he never had someone to hold him in his darkest hour of need. How he longed for someone to just embrace him and tell him everything would be alright. But as he grew older, he grew to loath those weak feelings. That didn't stop him from wanting it still. But now, he also wanted to provide the comfort, though he didn't know how. He would never call himself affectionate, and his hard shell exterior did a fine job in conveying that. But then why in the world did Harry see something…worthy of his attention?

Snape shook his head and tried to stop thinking about it. All he was doing was thinking in circles, asking the same questions, and getting silence for answers. The when and the why weren't important now. When the New Year began, his mission was going to be protecting Harry… from afar.


	9. Christmas Eve Reflections

Among the chatter, the clear tapping of a glass silenced the room. The Weasley Family had just finished a substantial Christmas Eve meal, and were all lounging in the living room when Ron decided to approach the front of the fireplace where everyone could see him and tap his wine glass to gain everyone's attention. He cleared his throat before speaking. "If I might have your attention please, I would just like to say a few things in light of this holiday season. I beg your indulgence, for you all know I am not the most articulate one of this gaggle. But I just wanted to go around the room for a few moments, and express my appreciation."

Ron turned to his right. "Bill. You had your life turned around when you were attacked, but you were always so strong. I knew you'd be able to own your curse, and not let it change your core. Your strength and perseverance is admirable, and you inspire others to look for the strength in themselves. Even after all the times you shoved my face in the dirt, I'm proud to call you my brother." That earned him a chuckle as Bill raised his glass in acknowledgement.

"Charlie. I always thought you were crazy, wanting to devote your life working with such dangerous creatures. But your bravery and your gumption are rare traits in mankind today. You take the risks by the reigns and you come out on top every time. I know that dragons can smell fear, and well… I can't guarantee I won't wet myself the next time I visit you in Romania. But I'm happy that you, Ginny," He gestured towards his sister who was sitting next to Charlie on the couch, "You have already decided what you wish to do with your life. You and Charlie will make a bloody unstoppable team with those dragons. I know you'll be able to handle it, for you are one of the toughest females I have ever known. After surviving this whole mess of brothers, you are much stronger than I will ever be." He leaned in to toast their glasses since they were close enough.

Ron then turned to his left. "Mum and Dad. I know we don't say it enough, and Mother's day and Father's day aren't enough to convey, but I think I speak for all of us when I say how grateful and appreciative we all are to you. I know I was the runt of the litter, and I know you felt bad that I had a mess of hand-me-downs, but I never felt like I was the last in line. You taught me what is important and what it is we should value. And I know I am the man today because of your guidance. You loved us all to distraction, and I don't know how you managed to do it. You both deserve medals for dealing with all of our bloody crap over the years. I know this past year has been hard on you. Harder than all of us. Percy was a bit of a sod, but we all know that was just how he rolled. He made an excellent Head Boy, even though he was quite annoying, and he got a job in the ministry that was quite envious. He was brilliant, he was proud and he was loyal. And I will remember him with his head held high." By now, his eyes had grown misty, but he forced himself to keep his voice level. Mrs. Weasley already had tears falling while her husband stood behind her rubbing her shoulder tenderly.

"George." He went on. "Fred would be so proud of you. And I can't tell you how much I look up to you. The both of you. You both took Hogwarts by storm and I will never forget your epic expulsion as you smashed Umbridge's rules to the ground and nearly set the Great Hall on fire with your crazy antics. That is an immortalized story that will live on in Hogwarts: A History. Students new and old will be telling stories about you to their children and grandchildren. And you both proved that you don't need a school degree to be successful. Your ingenuity and your passion made your business thrive in just a few short months. Not even Zonkos was that popular when they first started out. And I know you're going to go far in your business, and in life." He walked over to embrace George before turning to Harry and Hermione.

"Harry." Ron's gaze grew an intensity that only Harry would understand, and it felt like they were the only two people in the room. "I know you're worried about the near future since you haven't had a chance to live for yourself before. But I want you to throw that worry out the window. The future is yours. No matter where you go. No matter what you do. You will always have your friends and family beside you… now and forever." The intense look Ron was giving him was all the reassurance Harry needed. He nodded his head in acknowledgement as well as appreciation.

From here, Ron moved over to stand in front of Hermione before he knelt down. Everyone grew very still and very quiet. "Hermione. You are the most spectacular Witch to ever have existed. It has been a privilege to watch you grow and blossom into the strong individual you are today. Harry and I would never have gotten far, in the war or in life if it weren't for you. And I would very much like to step forward into the next chapter of our adventure." From here, he withdrew a small box from within his pocket. The silence amplified and swallowed everyone's bated breath. "Would you, Hermione Jean Granger, do me the greatest honor…" He opened the box, "of becoming my Girlfriend." Inside the box was a silver necklace with an engraving that read "I'm Dating Ronald Weasley" on it. George barked in laughter at the look on Hermione's face. Her eyes were about to fall out of their sockets, but then they narrowed into a villainous glare. She grabbed the nearest pillow and thwacked it over Ron's head, breaking the rest of the tension in the room.

"Darn you Ronald Weasley, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" Everyone in the room was laughing at this point. Ron was trying to fend off the attacking pillow and ended up falling on his rear which added more laughter to the room.

Trying to block the pillow and stop his own laughing, he tried to speak, "So," *thwack* "Is that…" *thwack* "A yes… or a" *thwack* "a no?"

Finally, she let up on the pillow, "You're lucky you're adorable you blockheaded ginger!"

Ron scrambled up off the floor to give her the box he protected from the onslaught, "That's good enough for me." For an instant, he watched her face cloud over with sorrow, and he wasn't that stupid… he didn't even have to guess why, so he straightened himself out and finished his speech, "And now for another announcement. I have been in correspondence with Dumbledore, and he has agreed to let me finish out the rest of the year at Hogwarts. Tuition free I might add." He winked at his parents. "He said my mock exams were enough to swing out of any hidden fees. Happy Christmas everyone!" Everyone cheered in response and drank their toast as Ron unceremoniously plopped himself down in between his friends. He held the two tightly in a hug, and did his best to keep their spirits high. They both knew Ron's angle. He'd be able to watch over Hermione and make sure she'll be ok. And Ron had also given Harry his most heart-felt blessing and well wishes as well as the small invitation that said, "You're welcome back here anytime."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Thank you everyone for the awesome reviews! Next chapter is going up really soon. (I want to get all the holiday based chapters up for the actual holiday season. ^_^)


	10. Midnight Bells Toll

As midnight chimed on the mantel piece, the waves of sound floated throughout the empty dungeon rooms and into the private laboratory where the resident Potion's Master was still at work. As he counted the twelfth hour, he let out a lonely sigh. Another Christmas alone… It got to the point where before, it just felt like another day for Severus. Just another holiday he chose to ignore. But this time… this time he felt the emptiness keenly.

As he bottled the last of his potions that will help him in his journey, he cleaned up his workspace and decided to call it a night with a glass of Port in his living room. When he opened the door, he saw a small box resting on his coffee table that he knew was not there before. From the colorful wrapping, he didn't have to guess as to what it was, but on further inspection, his heart nearly leapt into his throat. The card simply read, "To Severus Snape" but the handwriting was all too familiar. He remembered the memory of Ms. Ganger's that revealed that the young man was planning on sending something, though he didn't believe it until now.

Seeing no reason why he should wait, he carefully opened the delicate package. Inside the box was a set of two vials and an intricately ornate armguard. The design was that of a snake wrapped into a celtic knot which he recognized as meaning 'Protection'. It was modest, but it was very beautiful. When Severus touched it, the metal felt warm.

Beside the vials was a piece of parchment. They were directions for his pensieve. Curious, he followed them, and fell into the misty veil of the airy substance. Darkness was all around him, and he was worried something had gone amiss until he heard a voice behind him. "Happy Christmas Professor Snape." He turned and looked at the object of his current torment. At first, he was afraid. Of what, he didn't know. Was this a memory or a link to the person himself? As the form wasn't looking directly at him, Snape relaxed marginally now thinking this was a 'prerecorded message'. The specter Harry continued. "I'm not sure how well this message will be received by you, but I'm hoping that you'll hear me out… at the very least." Feeling a little surer, Snape moved closer to the shadow of Harry. The boy looked nervous. "Believe it or not, I was going to send this present to you this year… anonymously of course. But now that things are different, I decided to send it along with something extra. This is a memory my father stored in his family vault. It was preserved for posterity regarding the day they all decided to choose the secret keeper after the wards were fully installed on their new house. I saw this memory last year when I decided to go through the other items in the vault, and I was able to guess the fact that you and my mother were once close. I think you'll be interested in what she has to say."

As soon as Harry's image finished its explanation, he disappeared in the familiar swirling mist that comes from a memory settling into place.

* * *

The scene was in the Potters' living room. Remus Lupin sat at the desk with a quill and parchment. James and Lily sat on the couch with a tiny baby in Lily's arms. Peter Pettigrew was standing in front of the fireplace mantle and Sirius Black was pacing the room, seemingly restless.

Remus cleared his throat before he spoke. "Alright then James. The Property Wards are registered, the paperwork for claiming Sirius Black as the Godfather to Harry has been approved, now all that's left is to appoint your Secret Keeper in case things go south."

"Of course we wouldn't need a Secret Keeper if we weren't on the brink of a war." James countered.

"It is what it is James, none of us like it." Sirius said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Lily shifted the baby in her lap before speaking. "Well, I know who I would pick. Since Remus can't because of his condition and Peter is not comfortable with the idea."

"Who?" Asked Remus. He wasn't offended by her comment, just genuinely curious.

"You know who."

"You know who?!" James and Sirius nearly shouted at the same time.

Lily rolled her eyes. It was clear she couldn't even believe they would ever think that's who she meant, and even in joke, it was a ridiculous thought. "No, you idiots! You all know who I would choose. If he were willing."

"Wait." Sirius held up his hand and walked closer to her. "You're not talking about Snivellus are you?"

"If it weren't for the fact that I have a baby in my lap I would hex your balls off Sirius Black, and you know I could!"

Sirius knew she meant it. "But that guy… he's just so…"

"What? Come on now, speak up. I would love to hear you finish that sentence."

"Well, he's a Death Eater for one!"

"We don't know that. Even if he was, I'm sure it's not his fault. That friend of his, Lucious was never a good influence…" She stared off as though she were remembering something.

"He called you a mudblood." Sirius tried to back up his own animosity.

"Once. I was waiting for him to come apologize. He never did. But I don't really hold it against him. Sure, it stung. He was my best friend. But I had to make a choice, and so did he. I doubt he even noticed that you guys laid off of all of your teasing after I joined your group."

Remus decided to speak, "Well, that was right after the uh… *cough* the incident, you know. Though I do remember quite a few pulled ears afterwards." He couldn't help chuckle as Sirius rubbed away some phantom pain from the side of his head.

"I still don't know why you all decided to pick on him so much." Lily continued.

"Unfortunately honey, it was the stupid classic bully mentality. We were unhappy the way we were, whether from our family lives or from something unpleasant in our youth, and we lashed out at the ones who looked like they wouldn't be able to fight back. We didn't think about the consequences of our bullying and we never tried to make amends. Mainly for me, it would be because he wouldn't hear such a thing from me." James explained.

"You don't know that. You never even tried."

"I know, and for what it's worth, it's something I do regret." James soothingly rubbed his wife's back in reassurance.

"That's why I married you and not Sirius." Lily teased.

"Guess that's why I'm still searching then." Sirius conceded. "But are you saying that after everything, even if he was a Death Eater, you would pick him to be your Secret Keeper?"

"I know that if he ever apologized in all sincerity, and looked me in the eyes, then I would have forgiven him. I already have, but you know what I mean. I know for a fact that he is loyal to the last. It's one of his best traits. Unfortunately, due to self-preservation, he's had to keep loyal only to himself. He has such amazing qualities, but they were never allowed to flourish thanks to his own home life. But I know that when he chooses to be loyal to someone or a group or a cause he really believed in, then he won't falter. It's his kind of courage. He may not see it but I did. And that's why I would forgive him always and for anything."

"But what if… this is really being the Morgana's Advocate, but what if he betrayed your trust?" Sirius asked in all sincerity.

"No matter the mistake, no matter how dark one's past is, I like to believe that if a person was truly sorry, they would always be able to find the path to redemption. So yes. If he did betray me, he'd have to work extra hard to gain my forgiveness and trust, but I would give it eventually."

* * *

From here, the memory shifted back to the dark void that began this whole thing. So strange that a message could be put in the form of a memory. As Severus wiped his eyes on his sleeve, he was trying to convince himself that he most absolutely was not crying, but the vapors were harming his tear ducts.

The image of Harry returned. "I hope you took some comfort in my mother's words. I don't know how close you two were but, I hope this helped. I'm sure it's also very strange that the child in her lap could be so…could end up… with such feelings…" The words were clearly not coming, so he shook his head. "I won't get into that. It's not important. I suppose it's time for me to explain my gift to you." A representation of the arm guard appeared in Harry's hands. "I had Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Hermione all help me with the spells a long time ago. It may not be much help, but it's meant to be a protective guard against the effects in your dark mark. It locks onto your arm to stay in place, but a simple Alohamora spell will release it. Just try it once, and if you don't like it, you can dispose of it. I just… wanted to do something thoughtful for you to show my appreciation and gratitude. I really do wish you all the best and hope you find your happiness. Farewell Professor Snape. And thank you." As the image started to fade, it whispered, "Merry Christmas Severus…" As though those words were a forbidden secret. Snape heard them alright, and before he knew it, his arm reflexively reached out as though it wanted to catch the fading form. Sure enough, his arm only collided with wisps of air. Snape felt the gut wrenching pull as he was expelled from the pensieve.

Not really knowing what to think, he looked over at the opened package on the desk that held the very arm guard Harry held at one time. Without thinking, he picked it up and placed it on his left wrist above his dark mark. As though the metal were alive, it automatically adjusted to comfortably fit his arm and shut itself into a solid band. As soon as it closed completely, Severus felt a warmth coming from the metal that traveled up his arm, down his spine, and through the rest of his limbs. The sensation gave him the most pleasant goose bumps, and the warmth flushed out the dark thoughts that plagued his mind of late. He had to sit down.

He grabbed his drink and sat in his favorite reading chair by the fire and just let the feeling wash over him. It was indescribable. Indistinguishable. But nothing felt… wrong. In fact it felt marvelous. For the first time in a long time, he could truly hear himself think. As though several doubtful thoughts were shoved into the closet and locked, so that the important things to focus on were ushered to the forefront of his mind. For instance, he thought about what exactly it might have taken for Harry to create such a stunning gift. Not only did he have to imbue the metal with the protective properties that shielded against the negativity embedded in the mark, but he also needed to use the strongest feelings he had for the person the gift was for. There was no doubt about it, and he decided not to deny it as he took a sip of the strong liquor, adding an extra warmth to the flame he was feeling inside. Harry filled his gift to Severus… with his love…

Allowing a small smile to grace his features, void of snark and sarcasm, Severus spoke into the empty room, "Merry Christmas Harry…"


	11. Christmas Surprise And Final Goodbyes

A hurricane of destroyed colorful paper and ribbon hit the cozy interior of the Burrow on Christmas morning. Exaggerated guffaws and noise sounded after a new treasure had been excavated from the massive hill of goodies.

As everyone settled into the post morning phase of Christmas Bliss, Mrs. Weasley was the only one up hustling and bustling to get things ready for the evening feast. Harry felt guilty lying on his laurels like everyone else when the woman was meant to feed an army. He also wanted to spend some one on one time with her. Before he got up, Mr. Weasley came up to him. "Here you are Harry. Looks like you got another gift. It just arrived with the post."

Harry thanked him and took the curious object. Upon opening the card, he immediately recognized the headmaster's handwriting.

 _Merry Christmas My Dear Boy!_

 _No doubt you and your friends are creating some unforgettable memories. I just wanted to forward this item to you before you… continue on your journey. I was told it belonged to your mother. This comes from a most reliable source, and has been thoroughly tested. The person in question who had the item wished to be left anonymous in order to protect any legal concerns regarding valuable familial heirlooms. They felt it was best this item should go to you rather than Lily's sister. I've had it in my possession for quite a while now, but since I gave you something that belonged to your Father on Christmas before, I thought it would be rather fitting that I should also give you something that belonged to your Mother._

 _I wish there was more I could give you my dear boy. My hope for you is that you find happiness. It's never a matter of how long one lives, but how well. See it through to the fullest Harry._

 _Be well, my son._

 _Albus Dumbledore_

 _Headmaster_

 _P.S. Your NEWT results are enclosed. Very impressive, I might add._

Harry knew that Dumbledore cared about him more than just another student. There were times when he thought of the man as the Grandfather he never knew. So to hear the love come through those simple words made Harry feel happy that Dumbledore cared that much about him, and sad that he was yet another adopted family member that he was leaving behind.

He wasn't sure anymore. He didn't know if he could do it. Just walk away. Why can't he stay? What if he just didn't take potions? What if he… He stopped his train of thought. This was why he had to go. He had to get out of his comfort zone and live. Live for everyone. He'll write down the adventures he has and one day his friends and family will be able to see how much he did. That was going to be the final gift he could ever give. He had to do this. For himself, for Severus, and for everyone.

He unwrapped the package, and inside was a beautiful, antique oval locket. He gently picked it up and opened the clasp. Inside was a sepia photo taken with a muggle camera of a young Lily Evans and James Potter on their wedding day. It was a photo he had never seen before, and it was perfect. Harry still liked muggle photographs for the fact that it captures a single moment, and freezes the world into that one emotional state reflected on the subject's faces. They both looked so happy, and that in turn made Harry feel happy. Here these two were starting a new chapter in their lives and going through new changes… just like Harry in that moment. He slipped the locket around his neck, and it felt right at home against his chest. Now he'll be able to take his parents with him wherever he goes from this point on. He wiped away a few stray tears before he got up to go help Mrs. Weasley in the kitchen.

* * *

New Years had come and gone, and the time had come to go back to the train station. Ron told his parents they didn't have to come, but really he couldn't allow them to come. Through much convincing and reassurance that this was any other day, the rest of the Weasley's went around hugging all three of them, and wishing them a good time at school.

Harry's heart felt heavy, and he was trying any trick he could think of to keep himself from crying. How does one say goodbye for the last time to people who were closer than friends? How does one say good bye to their parents, and realize all the things they wish they said or did? Saying goodbye to his friends before the holidays was one thing. It was more like a Band-Aid being ripped off. It was painful, but it was fast. And it didn't leave him time to dwell. But here it felt like every hug took an eternity. He didn't want to let any of them go, and he couldn't force his eyes to capture their appearance and essence more than they were physically capable of.

Finally, with trunks in hand, the three of them waved their final goodbyes and used a portkey to the station. It landed them far enough away from the station so that they wouldn't be seen by any muggles, but also because… this was it. The time had come for one final farewell. None of them knew what to say. Harry busied himself by removing a back-pack from his trunk. He then shrunk the trunk, and put it inside the back pack where a resounding echo could be heard from within. Giving a small laugh, he turned to Hermione. "Thanks for teaching me that spell, Hermione. It'll come in real handy."

She returned the smile. "What would you do without me." Then the solemn expression was back. "Harry. I've already cried enough. I won't cry now. I wish you weren't doing this alone, but I understand. I may not like it, but I do understand. Just promise me one thing Harry…"

"Take care of myself?" He teased, trying to finish her sentence.

"No." She huffed annoyed, though they both knew that it went without saying. "I want you to promise me that if you ever need us, send for us. I mean it. I know your stubbornness is going to be immortalized in song, and you may feel like you can handle everything by yourself. But just remember that we are faster than an owl away. No matter what, when, or where."

"I know. And I love you both for that. I don't know what's going to happen, and I'm not going to pretend that it's always going to be alright. Maybe in a few years, if I'm still… around, I might try to get in touch. But I feel like I'll just break and never want to leave again, and everything would be for nothing. But right now. I'll live one day at a time. As best as I can."

He drew her into a tender and tight hug. No tears were shed, but they were felt nonetheless. When he pulled back, he shifted his attention to Ron.

Ron had his arms crossed in front of him as though he were trying to hold himself together. However, he spoke in a calm clear voice. "Going with what Hermione said, I've got something extra to add. Going out into the world could be great fun, but a lot of it could be a trifle dull if you don't have people to share it with. Even if you can't have your old friends with you, or form any deep attachments, make some new aquaintences. I think that will make your experiences richer. When my family and I were in Egypt, I had one whole day to explore the area we were in. I looked around at the shops and walked the streets, and about one hour later, I was bored. How could I ever feel that way when I was in a different land, and I was assaulted by new sensations? Sand in the nose, heated winds, pyramids in the distance, people wearing strange clothes? I should have been thrilled, not bored. But I realized that it was because I had no one to talk to. I struck up a conversation with a merchant in a little hole in the wall café, and we exchanged stories, experiences, and various other things. He showed me a carving his own son had made of a sea turtle. It looked like something, but I wouldn't say it was a turtle. But the pride that this man exuded from the fact that his son carved it all by himself filled me with a special feeling. The places are fine, but the people are extraordinary. I know you'll be keeping a journal. So I want you to write down the tales of the people you meet. Not just the places."

Harry looked at his friend in awe. "I'll do that. Thanks Ron." Harry said as he pulled him into a big hug. Hearing a clock chime in the distance, he knew his friends had to leave in order to catch the train. This was the moment he had been dreading. They came together in a 3-way embrace, and took a moment to convey all of their feelings through that hug. Finally a few tears fell from each of their eyes, but no one said anything. They pulled back and Ron and Hermione gathered their things. Ron clasped Harry's shoulder in a final brotherly gesture, as though saying, "You're going to be alright. And so will we." And Hermione gave him a small kiss on the cheek. Then his friends started to walk in the direction of the portal between platforms 9 and 10. Harry never took his eyes off them. When they were at the entrance, they both turned to give a final wave and a final smile. Real smiles. Not a sad or melancholy one, but ones that spoke of mischief, inside jokes, and merriment. Harry returned both gestures in kind, thinking of all the great times they shared… and then they were gone.

Harry stared at the empty platform for a bit before turning his back on it. Taking a deep breath, he walked over to the ticket station. He felt like he was marching on automatic now. Not sure of even the next 5 minutes. It was terrifying. His hand strayed to the front of his shirt where the locket lay beneath a thin layer of fabric. Taking what strength he could from that, He approached the window. He cleared his throat and spoke as calmly as possible. "I'll take a one-way ticket to the end of the line."


	12. Something New

**Author's Note:** Apologies in advance if I get any facts wrong from hereon out. Happy Christmas Eve's Eve!

* * *

Three months had gone by in the blink of an eye and Harry felt like he stepped into someone else's shoes, and walking someone else's life. Everything he could ever need was in his backpack. He never went anywhere without it. He bought himself clothes for every occasion, and he altered his looks a bit so that he wouldn't be immediately recognizable. One major change was getting rid of his glasses.

Harry didn't exactly plan where he wanted to go or what he wanted to see. He just went wherever the wind blew him, so long as it was away from any and all wizarding cities. A lot of times he checked out places that wouldn't necessarily be on any tourist map. But at first, he felt he needed to check out the main tourist hotspots. He first ended up in Spain. He traveled through Madrid where he was overwhelmed by the mass of people bustling around in the large city, but he was charmed at the preserved historical feel of the architecture. He visited the Royal Palace of Madrid as well as the Royal Theatre. He decided to bring a small muggle digital camera so that he could truly document his trip. His words would not be enough to capture the splendor of these places. He was also glad that he supplied himself with enough Rapid Tongue potions. They helped him hear and speak any language that was being spoken to him. He wouldn't have gotten far without it, especially when trying to find the bathroom.

Tenerife came next. Harry had never seen a volcano before, and here was supposedly the third largest one in the world. He never got too close, but the site of it in the distance was imposing enough. To think that this mountain could be such a deadly force was a humbling feeling when faced with the natural magic and power of mother-nature.

Valencia came last. It wasn't as busy as Madrid, but still pretty crazy. He apparently arrived in time for what was called the Fallas Festival, where he partook in the traditional and famous dish of paella, and he watched in awe as they ceremoniously burned certain monuments that were built specifically for the occasion.

At this point, he felt like he had enough of Spain, and he felt it was time to move on. He had passed his apparation tests and gotten his license last year, but he felt the methods of travel were just as important as the destinations. After a brief stay in Germany, traveling through Berlin and Frankfurt, he decided to head towards the Soviet Union. As he boarded a bus to Moscow, he thought about what Ron had said about the people. He met a few amazing individuals here and there, but it was only enough to fill one afternoon. He really was starting to wish someone would see him for longer than an afternoon. What if he got a job somewhere? Doing some menial task? No, that probably wasn't a good idea. He didn't want to be tied down to any place for very long, and only having a job for one or two months isn't fair to the people who needs the position filled. The holidays were over, and plenty of students need those summer jobs.

Harry then had the idea of learning new things. What if he took classes in different things? Painting, pottery, karate, meditation, and so on. That could enrich his experiences and help him get some more human interaction. As he flipped through the magazine he bought for 'need to see' sites in Moscow, he came across an ad for dance lessons. Particularly the Tango. At once, Harry was intrigued. He thought of the dances he saw in Madrid. Both the Tango and Flamanco seemed like very intimate dances with the right person. He wished he could do that with someone.

He always felt he needed more instruction for the Yule Ball. But then again, he wished he was dancing with a favorable partner. He closed his eyes and tried to think of the Yule Ball. Except he was not leading, but following. And his partner was taller than him. Just enough so that his head could rest against his partner's cheek as they moved. How nice that must feel. He thought of looking up into his partner's face, and he could see the scowling features of the Potions Master. At once, he abandoned his day dream as he felt the pang in his chest and the familiar scratching sensation. Just thinking about the man made it hurt. But he was still grateful for the salve that he gave Harry. A little went a long way, so he should be good for a long time. Unfortunately, it only masked the pain. It didn't stop the bleeding.

Harry had gotten used to his chest looking like he was the victim in a slasher flick. But it still troubled him that he only had to think about the man in question, and he started bleeding. Was it getting worse? He honestly couldn't tell. The only thing he knew for certain was that it wasn't healing.

* * *

After getting settled into his new hotel, he decided to register for a beginner's course at the dance studio, Casa Del Tango. He really was curious about the Tango, but he wanted to start with something else first. Baby steps, Harry told himself. The dance Instructor was Madam Margaretta Verenich. She went by Marg. She was tall and thin. Probably a former ballet dancer. Her hair was blond, and pulled fiercely back into a tight bun. She was not quite young, nor was she terribly old. She split the class up into two groups. There were an even number of people, and thankfully, Harry didn't look out of place. There were quite a few foreigners among the class. Some were from Okinawa, some were from the US, and some were even from London, like himself. Some people who were clearly a couple and came together were paired off first. That left the awkward mess of fitting together the remaining people when there were more girls than guys.

As the teacher paired Harry off with a shy girl who blushed whenever she looked at any of the boys, he heard a commotion down at the end of the line. "Oh God in Heaven, there is no way I'm partnering with that!" It was one of the American girls, and she was insulting the last man on the end of the row. "Hey, Sandy! Be my partner. After all, this was your idea."

The girl next to her, whom she was addressing, harshly whispered to her, "You know why I suggested it, and no, I will not be your partner."

"Well either I dance with you or you dance with him. No doubt he's got two left feet, you'd go nicely together!"

"My dear Lady. Cease your infernal waspish tongue and allow me to get a word in." Harry heard a new voice, but he couldn't see very well. "I for one do not care for your tone or your manners. As such, I very much doubt that any gentlemen here would want such a shrew for a partner."

"Well excuse me Mr. Shakespeare! Don't you sound all hoity-toity. But your attitude stinks as well! Just because you have a posh accent doesn't mean it can make up for the state of your face."

"I like to abide by the golden rule. Treat others as you would like to be treated. You haven't shown me any respect, therefore you shall receive none. Furthermore, I dare say you could do with a mint. Your breath could out due a skunk. And if we're on the matter of looks, your face is so caked up with make-up, I can clearly see it clogging your pores. The only man you'd ever be able to seduce like that would be blind and haven't had it in months."

"That does it! I'm out of here. Sandy, Melissa, let's go to a bar."

"Seriously? Again? No wonder you can't get a guy."

"This was your idea, not mine. We're leaving in a week anyway."

The girls ranted on as they all left. Harry tried to look back at the man who spoke, but could only see snippets of his dark hair. Since the ratio of girls and boys shifted, the Instructor ended up partnering up with the assaulted young man. As the lesson went on, Harry's partner was so nervous, she couldn't even look him in the eyes. He tried to be lighthearted and funny, but she was firmly in her shell, and he could feel her palms sweating due to her nerves. She realized it too, and felt even more embarrassed.

As the lesson progressed, he caught snippets of the Instructor's partner, and could not understand what the girl had been talking about. Sure he had a large nose, but his eyes and hair were dark. He probably wasn't much older than Harry. He was intrigued by that man. Surely he wasn't the only man he had seen with dark hair and dark eyes, but the snarky wit was a close ringer for… He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-Otherwise-It-Hurts-The-Chest.

The man had full lips and pale skin. But his posture was rigid, yet graceful. He and the Instructor were striking together. He didn't even look like he needed to be in a beginner's class. For a moment, Harry wished he had him as a partner. But that was probably not a good idea. He wasn't supposed to form any attachments, and having a crush, or even a fancy would not end well.

It didn't matter anyway. Once the lesson was done for the evening, Marg's partner kissed her hand and left without a glance to anyone else. In a way, Harry felt disappointed. In another way, Harry felt like the silly girl who was now rushing off, who never even said goodbye.


	13. Takes Two To Tango

"You have got to be kidding me." Harry said as he came into the studio for the next lesson.

Madam Marg had just told him that his little snippet of a partner had canceled the remainder of her lessons. When they were paired off, those were meant to be your partners for the duration of the lessons. "I'm very sorry. I hope you don't mind. Since we now have more males in the class, I am going to have to ask you to partner with one. Or if you wish, I can give you a full refund for the inconvenience. I know how some men are fully against dancing with other men."

Harry was both happy and sad for this development. Surely… "Was I really that bad? So much so, that she felt compelled never to return again?"

"Who knows. I do not pretend to know." She said.

"Clearly she couldn't handle how intimate a dance with a partner is meant to be. I doubt she's ever been in a serious relationship." A familiar voice spoke behind Harry. He was afraid to turn around.

"Since Mr. Everence was the odd man out last time, he would need to fill in for your partner."

Harry finally turned to the man in question. Finally getting a good look at him, Harry felt his knees go a little weak. The man was dressed in black slacks and a burgundy button down shirt. He looked downright sexy, but dangerous. A frog formed in his throat, and he couldn't speak.

The man took one look at Harry, without any expression, then turned his attention back to the instructor. "If this gentleman is against it, then I do not have a problem withdrawing from the program. I very much doubt I can stand two nights of rejected partners."

This finally knocked the frog out of Harry's throat. "No, that's not necessary! I mean. I'd be honored… it's just that… I must be terrible... and that other girl really didn't know what she was talking about… and I'm just going to shut up now. Feel free to ignore me." Harry could not stand the blush rising to his face. He was sure it was as red as a tomato.

The man simply smirked. "Well then, it appears there's no problem Madam."

She smiled at the two of them and left to organize the rest of the students.

"Well then, now that that's settled. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Alphonse Teron Everence. Less formally known as Terry. And you are?" He held out his hand.

Harry reached out to shake his hand, and cursed his limb for daring to twitch. "Seriously lacking in formality and manners it seems. Please, just call me Harry." At least his voice didn't crack.

They shook hands and parted. "I am not quite the beginner, so if you'd prefer, I can assume the Lady's stance in this lesson." He said without any hint of embarrassment to the idea. Even though he was taller.

"If you're not quite a beginner, why are you in the beginner's course, may I ask?" Harry inquired.

"I'm brushing up my skills. Sometimes one must go back to the beginning to relearn what they have already learned. This gives you a whole new outlook on it."

Harry loved listening to his voice. "I think I understand, but then again, I may not. For now, I will answer your question. I think I would rather you take the lead."

"Are you sure? I don't mind."

Harry was so close to getting one of his fantasies, he pushed on with conviction. "Yes," He cleared his throat, "I'm quite sure."

"Very well then. As you wish."

As the lesson started, Harry didn't realize that today's lesson was supposed to be the Argentine Tango. Now he felt even more inadequate to this graceful man. He again, felt like his former partner, limp as a noodle and too nervous to do anything. He nearly squeaked of all things when his partner put his hand on his waist and drew him close. Harry was afraid to look up. "I'm apologizing in advance if I step on your feet. I've never done these dances before."

"That's apparent, but nothing to worry about. We're just doing the basic steps. Getting used to your partners movements, and trusting each other to move as one unit. First of all, you need to relax. If you insist on being tense, channel it into your frame in order to keep your arms locked into position. Lift up on your toes a bit and lean back. That's it. Slowly now." Terry started to move his feet and Harry followed in turn.

As the man spoke, he was so close that the man's breathe caressed Harry's face. He smelt something familiar, but quickly ignored it. It wasn't as though it was unpleasant, just familiar. Maybe they both use the same toothpaste or something.

Harry didn't even pay attention to the instructor. He just listened to his partner's careful instructions. He actually felt more and more confident as the dance progressed. His nerves died away slowly, and his partner smiled just a bit more. He never gave a full smile, but just a tiny twitch of the corners on both sides of his mouth.

When the lesson ended, Harry was almost reluctant to let go. The evening had been amazing, and Harry didn't want to go just yet. He extracted himself from Terry, and swallowed the other lump in his throat. "Thank you. That was most helpful."

"You're much better at this than you gave yourself credit for. And it was my pleasure. It's not every day one gets to instruct the world's savior."

Harry stepped back as though he'd been slapped in the face and drenched in freezing cold water at the same time. He knew what that scent was now. The same potion he takes for understanding languages, the Rapid Tongues. This man was a wizard, and he knew him. Without saying another word, he turned and left through the crowd. Maybe that's why he was interested in the man to begin with. It's been so long since he's been around wizards that he had forgotten how much he could sense magic around him. There was something off about the man, and this had to be it. Well now he was going to blab to the press that he had been spotted, and he'll have 20 reporters swarming him in a matter of minutes. Should he hide? Should he apparate? Should he cast a Notice-Me-Not spell and stay put for a few days?

* * *

Harry's mind was reeling, and he didn't even notice a voice calling out to him. He continued down the street, not paying attention to anything or anyone until he heard a cry of distress. At once, his attention shifted to the noise. He looked around, and tried to ascertain what direction the commotion was coming from.

Harry rounded the corner and saw them in an alley. Three thugs were holding down a familiar figure as another jerk was laying punch after punch into him. Harry didn't think. He took out his wand and stupefied all of them, and knocked them out cold. From the smell, they must be so drunk that they wouldn't remember anything. "Are you alright?" Harry asked as he helped the man up. Seeing the familiar shirt and pants, Harry knew exactly who the victim was. "You're a wizard, aren't you. How could you let yourself be outnumbered like that?" That was probably an unfair question, since the city was full of muggles.

Terry wiped away the blood on his face. "I didn't see them in time. I was more occupied with trying to apologize to you. Do you always rush in without a care in order to save the day?"

Harry bristled at that, and let him go. "Actually, yes. Saving people is a bad habit of mine. Now if you don't mind, I hope you will be so kind as to not mention this to anyone."

"What, mention that I got jumped and beaten by 4 muggles who poorly lost a game of poker?"

Harry rolled his eyes, not even caring that the stiff man actually attempted to make a joke. "You know what I'm referring to. I'd appreciate it if you kept it secret that you saw me."

"I was never going to say anything in the first place. I don't butt into other people's business like that. So the newspapers said you disappeared, but I never really listen to anything news related since after the war. I was simply curious is all… ouch." He brushed his nose, which felt out of place.

"Your nose is broken. Would you like me to help you?"

"I think you've already helped enough."

"Just yes or no. I'm not in the mood for games."

"Yes, please then. While you're at it, see if you can't shrink it."

Harry made quick work at fixing the fracture and cleaning the remainder of the blood. "Why would you want to shrink it? It looks fine."

"You don't have to be kind."

"I'm completely serious."

"This nose has been the source of much bullying in my youth. In all seriousness, I have thought about having it altered, but I felt like that would be giving in. But then I end up with… those kinds of people."

"You mean at the first lesson? That girl?"

Terry nodded.

"Well, like I said, she had no idea what she was talking about."

"Oh, so that's what you were referring to. I thought you were saying that about your former partner."

Harry blushed. He didn't know what to say to that.

"Listen. Would you like to have a drink? It's on me. I think I can do with one after tonight."

Harry thought about it. It probably wasn't a good idea, but it's been so long since he had a drink with someone that he couldn't really refuse. "Lead on."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Trying to punch out chapters as quickly as I can while I'm on holiday. More coming soon. Happy Christmas Eve, and Yuletide blessings!


	14. Getting To Know You

They thankfully found a quiet spot to take their drinks. Harry decided to start the conversation. "So what exactly did you do to make those men so angry that they wanted to beat the crap out of you?"

"It's not my fault they play such a poor hand at 5 Card Draw. I don't gamble often, but these men were too easy to pass up. They lost a fortune between them, and I left before things turned ugly."

"And here I thought you were a gentleman." Harry teased.

"First impressions are important. But if there's one thing I've learned, most people get thrown off in the face of actual manners, and therefore show what a poor example of a human they are. Present company excluded of course. I can have a temper, but I've learned that cold quiet fury often frightens people more than shouting."

Harry felt a chill go down his spine as he thought of that. He suddenly pictured this man in teaching robes and putting unruly students in their place with a quick witted comment, or a cold glare. He backtracked before he embarrassed himself by daydreaming in front of the man. "So what do you do the rest of the time? When you're not dancing or gambling or getting caught in a fight."

"Whatever strikes me I suppose. I'm in what I like to call the Land In Between. Some say I'm between jobs. I say I'm in between worlds. If that makes any sense."

"Actually, it makes perfect sense. I'm sort of in a similar state."

"I can imagine. Here's to being stuck in the same boat." He raised his glass in a toast.

Harry reciprocated. "By the way, how was it that you were able to recognize me without a problem?"

Terry looked a bit thrown off, though he barely showed it. "Well, your scar may be mostly gone, but it's still there. And even though you don't have any glasses on, your eyes are still very distinctive. And I've seen your hair at several lengths in photos, so that wasn't a problem. I think if we weren't in such close proximity, I wouldn't have recognized you."

"Well, I suppose that's fair. I've been moving around so much that people are hardly ever able to get a good look at me. This is the first time I've really slowed down in months."

"I'm sorry if I offended you. It's no matter who you are. I had only wanted to express that I knew, but that it was alright. You obviously have your reasons for keeping a low profile, and I have no intention of blowing the whistle."

"Thank you. That really does mean a lot."

"You're welcome."

They talked for a while, ordered another drink, and Harry felt completely at ease. There was something niggling at the back of his mind though, and he didn't know what. When the evening wound down, they parted ways, each to their own destinations. Harry wondered what he might have gotten himself into.

* * *

The next two lessons carried on in a similar fashion. Terry would provide the instruction, Harry would follow, and afterwards, they would go grab a drink and talk the night away. The more Harry saw of him, the more there was something that he couldn't put his finger on.

The night of the final lesson came, and it was a close-body waltz. By now, they were comfortable enough with each other that they didn't mind being so close. Harry closed his eyes and drifted with the soft music. This was what he wanted. This was what he dreamed of. If only it weren't temporary. He took a deep breath in and savored the moment. Aside from smelling the potion, Terry smelled familiar in a different sense. Harry tried to ignore it, but every time he was close to the man, he got a large whiff. Terry smelled of cinnamon and lemon. A little tang with the spice. He couldn't help but think he smelled it before. He tried to put it out of his head but it was like the song you can't remember that played the same four notes over and over. Instead, he tried to just focus on just being in the arms of another guy. He didn't even know if Terry went for guys, but that was neither here nor there. It was simply enjoyable.

When the final lesson drew to a close, Harry felt a little trepidation at what was supposed to happen next. Did they go for one last drink, or what? Do they say goodbye here? Harry didn't have to dwell long as Marg approached them. "I have a favor and a proposition for you gentlemen. I have been watching you these past few lessons, and seeing you both so at ease with the steps, I feel compelled to ask, and please forgive the rudeness of this question. Are you both… of the homosexual orientation?"

"Is that a problem?" Terry asked. They were alone in the studio at this moment.

"Not with me, mind you."

"Then yes."

Harry admired how confidently Terry admitted it. He couldn't even say anything as he nodded, and tried not to blush.

Marg continued. "Since you both, I assume, are merely visiting and not living in Moscow, I assume you don't know how the majority of the people behave around those of a homosexual nature. Some people hunt down those who are gay, and chaos ensues. Most gay people keep conservative about it, and a lot of people hide it. There has been a historic resistance to gay pride parades by local governments. 100 individual requests were denied permission to hold Moscow Pride through 2012, citing a risk of violence against participants. But those few people, friends and family, who understand the struggle, try to give those individuals hope. That it's alright to be in love with love. What I am asking you to do is to perform a dance for those people. Just a small group, but seeing two men together, dancing like a normal couple would, could encourage others. Change doesn't happen overnight, and the journey starts with a single step. But this could be the ripple that creates a small but worthwhile difference in even a few people. But I do not want to interfere with any plans you might have."

Terry turned to Harry, and looked at him. Waiting for him to speak. Harry felt put on the spot. "What do you think?" He tried throwing the ball into the other court.

"It's up to you. I do not mind either way."

That didn't help very much, but Harry was hoping for a more solid opinion. "I suppose, but I would need a lot of practice."

"We have a week before there's a special class. It's not widely advertised, but the right people know of it by word of mouth. I can give you times for when the studio is free for you to use. This is a private place. And if you need help with particular dance moves, I can teach you. Though I think you're more than adequate for the task Mr. Everance."

"Then let's meet up tomorrow to discuss all the details. Until then, would you like to have our usual drink Harry?"

"Yes please. I think I can do with one."

"I shall see you both tomorrow then." Marg said, seeing them out.

* * *

"Are you really alright with this?" Terry asked as they sat down with their drinks.

"Yes. I'm just nervous." Harry admitted.

"Don't worry. By the time we're through, you won't even notice the audience being there."

"How can you be so bloody confident?"

"I've learned to mask my feelings well. I wouldn't even call it confidence, really."

"I still envy you for it."

"You really shouldn't. I'm not proud of it."

"Well, I've been accused of wearing my heart on my sleeve. It's gotten me into more trouble than I can count."

"Well, I still envy how open you can be. I've hardened myself to the point where I don't seem to care about anything anymore. I don't look forward to things, and I don't get excited. I have no real ties, because of how I've lived in recent years, and since the war's conclusion, I simply don't know how to act in the world now. Especially around muggles who have no idea how close they were to modern genocide. I suppose that's my purpose for this whole trip."

Harry regarded his companion as he looked off towards a nothingness only he could see. His eyes were clouded in shadows that seep through the cracks, and for a moment, he looked so much older than he really should. Harry didn't want to pry into the man's past, but he felt more connected with him regardless. "That sounded pretty open to me."

Terry shifted his attention back. "Maybe because I knew you were actually listening. It doesn't happen often."

"Well, for what it's worth, I understand. I too am trying to live in this new world. The rest of the world is at peace, but I am not. I would like to find some peace before… before I can move on." He had to catch himself from revealing too much. He didn't want a pity party, and he didn't want to burden his new friend.

"Well, here's to the journey." He lifted his glass. "The destination may not be certain, but here's to enjoying the ride."

Harry heartily agreed as they toasted.

"I've got an idea. Feel free to shoot it down if you don't like it. I was probably going to leave town after the dancing lessons, but since I don't really know where yet, and I may not be pleasant company the more you are around me… What I'm asking is, would it be alright if I tagged along with you to your next destination?"

Harry's frog leapt back into his throat. He wanted to say yes in an instant. But he didn't want to get even more attached than he already was. He was happy they were friends, he enjoyed spending time with him, and it was hard to picture them parting… but what of the future? What of his secret? What of… He absentmindedly rubbed his chest. It hasn't been bothering him any more than normal. In fact, Terry's presence keeps his mind from thinking any negative thoughts. But what if he falls for the guy? Part of him didn't think that could happen, because of how deep his feelings were for another. Too many uncertainties to think of at the moment. Too many possibilities.

On the other hand, there was still something about Terry that he couldn't put a finger on. It wasn't just the smell. It was in his posture, his eyes, his voice, his quick wit and dark humor. Tiny things that just… raised a flag, but he didn't know what color, or if he should really be concerned. If anything, he wanted more time to figure it out.

"I think I would enjoy some company on my journey." Harry smiled.

Terry reciprocated that smile, as much as was enough for him. "For now, we should think about tomorrow. This is going to be an interesting week."

"You said it." Harry downed the rest of his drink as the nerves returned full force.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Merry Christmas!**


	15. Shall We Dance

**Author's Note:** Now that holidays are over, free time has massively dwindled. Trying to stay consistent with updates. Thank you everyone for reviews and support!

* * *

The next day when they went to the studio, they all agreed on the type of music and the style for the dance. Marg left them to their own devices as Terry took on the role of instructor and choreographer. It felt strange being in the studio during the day when the bright sun shone through the windows illuminating the floor. It felt as though they were dancing on gold.

Terry started slow. Showing Harry where to step, and where to avoiding bumping limbs. The whole point of the dance was to be close and comfortable, so they picked a soft Kenny G jazz number that combined the slow nature of a waltz, but added a bit of salsa flavor. After dancing for four hours, Harry felt pretty confident in his footwork to the point where he no longer looks down, but he still felt awkward.

"What level of dancing are you? I don't think you actually told me how far along you were." Harry inquired.

"I took lessons every summer. Anything and everything that kept me out of my house. All the normal sports were taken, not to mention expensive. The dance classes were usually smaller, and I felt less freakish for not being good at sports. I guess you can say I'm an expert, but I've never done anything with it. I never did competitions, and it was hard trying to find partners who would dance with me. But there was always something about it that I appreciated. Like a feeling you can't describe. It may not be passion, or even enjoyment, but something that just speaks to my core in a language my brain can't understand. That's why I started it up again. I wanted to go back to my roots and discover what it is that speaks to me, and try to understand it and myself. I guess you can say it's part of my journey of self-discovery."

Harry never heard of something more perfect. "That's incredible!" He said with awe.

Terry looked at him in surprise. "Really? I thought you were going to say it was sappy and full of excrement."

Harry looked offended. "I would never say something like that. Unless what you just said was a lie, then I might need to rephrase myself."

Terry chuckled. "No, it's the truth. You seem to be able to fish it out of me easily enough now that I feel as though I don't have to guard what I say like I normally do."

"I'm glad." Harry smiled.

"Do you ever go to the theatre?" Terry asked at random.

"A bit, but not really. Never had the chance, and going by myself doesn't seem as fun."

"Have you seen any real performances? Opera? Ballet? Musicals?"

"No, anything I've seen before was small scale productions that wouldn't make it on Broadway, I don't think."

"Would you be interested in going to see one? I find it quite inspirational when I see a full scale production. It invigorates your soul, and it might give us some ideas for our little number."

Harry felt excited. "I would love to!"

"Excellent. Do you have a good suit? It helps to dress nicely for those occasions."

"Yes, I do. It's perfect, because I haven't had a chance to wear it yet." Harry actually took Hermione with him to Seville Row to get a proper muggle suit right after the war before school had started. He felt he deserved to get a good one for future endeavors such as a date or a special night out.

"Excellent. There are two performing that I can think of right now. Do you have a preference?"

Harry wished he could give an opinion. He felt so uncultured. "I trust your judgement." He actually didn't care what they saw. It simply felt like they were making plans for a date. But feeling the twitch in his chest reminded Harry that he shouldn't think of such things. He shouldn't go on dates, he shouldn't get attached. It was just going to be an educational evening going out with a new friend. That's all… at least that's what he had to believe.

* * *

When Harry met up with Terry outside his Hotel, he had to stop himself from drooling as Terry's strong figure filled out the Armani suit he was wearing. Harry didn't think the man could be sexier even if he were naked. Again, the twitching pain in the chest reminded him to reel his hormones in and calm down.

"You're looking quite sharp there, Harry." Terry said, his small smile firmly in place.

"Right back atcha." Harry lamely replied. It was a gross understatement. They hailed a Taxi and headed towards the theatre.

They soon arrived at the Bolshoi Theatre, and Harry was struck by the magnificence of the impressive building. As they merged with the crowd forming in, he simply followed Terry. His eyes tried to soak in the richness of the carvings as they walked. They went up some stairs, and the Usher guided them through a door. It was then that Harry realized that they were escorted to a private box. "You got tickets for box seats?" Harry nearly squeaked.

"If you're going to an Opera house, you've got to do it right."

"But this is too much! You must let me reimburse you!"

Terry merely laughed. "If it was any trouble, I would have asked. It just means you get to pay for dinner afterwards."

"Gladly. You better pick something equally ritzy. This is much too extravagant!"

"No, 'much too extravagant' would be renting out the Presidential Box over there where the Tsar of Russia was meant to sit. Now, it's only for ambassadors, diplomats, leaders, and foreign dignitaries, though you might be granted the privilege." Terry teased. "These tickets, after conversion were only 54 pounds each. We're only on the second gallery circle. The floor seats are much more expensive. But I felt this would be a more private experience." Terry said as he sat in one of the three seats. Harry had a choice. Sit in the middle, next to Terry, or side on the other side, and have the seat between them empty. They weren't quite cut off from the people next to them and the theatre looked pretty packed even with the numerous gaps of unfilled seats. It was unlikely they would get a random person in at the last minute, but even then, it would have been an excuse to use the actual seat number on the ticket.

Harry decided to distract himself by asking a question, "So what is the performance we're about to see? I haven't even looked at the program." Just because they could speak the language through the potion didn't mean they could read it. It was all gibberish to Harry, except for the few small pieces that were actually written in English.

Terry crossed his legs as he settled in. "I decided to choose a Ballet, since we're here to see dancing. And male ballet dancers are heavily underestimated. People mock them for being effeminate, but actually, it is one of the hardest disciplines for the male form. Those who achieve it are truly a force to be reckoned with. I also thought the Rapid Tongues potion would mess with how an Opera is really supposed to sound in its proper language. The Ballet is called Peer Gynt. It's based off of a Norwegian fairy tale about the nature of a man. A useless boy is taken to the land of the Trolls. Whether this is in his drunken dreams or real is no matter. He is asked the question from the Troll King 'What is the difference between troll and man?'. The Old Man of the Mountain explains that humans say, 'To thyself be true.' But the Trolls say, 'Be true to yourself and to hell with the world!' As such, Peer the boy avoids his problems, and runs away from confrontation of his actions. He travels to many lands and has many professions. When he returns as an old man, he is confronted with the Troll King once more who claims he's acted more troll than man most of his life. If he doesn't want his soul to be wasted, and melted down with other faulty material, he must provide proof of a time when he was indeed 'himself'. It's a very deep story."

Harry hadn't even noticed that he had sat down right next to Terry as he listened to his tale. It was very interesting to think about, and he couldn't wait for the play to begin as the warning lights went off for everyone to quiet down as the overture was about to commence. "Thank you." Harry said quietly to Terry.

Terry simply smiled as they both settled in and watched the curtain rise. Neither one of them caring about the close proximity to each other.


	16. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**Author's Note** : Here's a good long chapter (compared to the others). Don't know where the sudden burst of inspiration came from, but I'm grabbing it by the tails and running with it. I have a bad habit of writing stories out of order, fleshing out the chapters I see clearly the most first. Then I struggle trying to fill in the blanks between the those scenes.

Personal Note: Sending eternal love to Alan Rickman. He's been an inspiration to me not just as an actor, but as a wonderful human as well. He shall forever be Timeless to me. 3

* * *

After such a magnificent performance, Harry indeed felt inspired. They practiced for six hours the next day, and even more the next. Marg had to kick them out early on the third day, but they came back for more on the fourth.

Harry listened to all of Terry's instructions, and pushed himself to perfect every movement. Harry even wanted to strive for some of the more advanced moves so that he didn't look like a novice. Terry would groan, but he was amused, nonetheless.

The more complicated moves made them sweat more, and Harry felt like he was running a marathon while staying still. He stood near the fan, trying to air out his t-shirt when he noticed Terry's hands fiddling with the cuffs of his hoodie. _Why is he even wearing a hoodie anyway? He's got to be stifling._ _Why does he always wear long sleeves?_ "Aren't you hot?" Harry asked out loud.

Terry immediately started stretching his arms. "I'm alright."

"Why don't you take your hoodie off? You look like you're about to pass out."

Terry turned around and stretched his back. "When you're disciplined, you don't let it bother you. Besides… I have a… thing with showing my arms… a bit self-conscious if you will."

Harry could understand. He really wanted to wear a tank or go shirtless, but he didn't want to have to explain the bandages. "Alright. Just don't go fainting on me." And then they continued their practice.

By the fifth day, Harry felt ready. They decided to give a private performance to Marg and another assistant dance instructor. By the end of it, they were clapping with unbridled joy. "Magnificent!" Marg exclaimed. "Mr. Harry, I would not have guessed that you only started dancing a few short weeks ago. You both look as though you've been dancing together for years." Harry couldn't help but blush at that. Why couldn't he have met Terry at Hogwarts? He's already proven that he doesn't care about Harry's name. But the fates are funny like this. Coulda, shoulda woulda and all that.

Harry didn't even realize that Terry had mumbled something in response. "What was that?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it." Terry evaded.

"This piece will be perfect for tomorrow night. We'll have a temporary stage set up so you'll both be elevated a bit for people in the back to see. Do you think you're ready?" Marg continued.

"As we'll ever be I guess." Harry followed lamely.

"Then I suggest you boys get a good night's sleep. I'll see you here tomorrow at six in the evening. You'll have time to stretch and warm up as well as test the stage."

"Sounds acceptable." Terry said. They all exchanged goodbyes, and closed up the studio for the night. Harry and Terry had a quick bite for dinner, before going their separate ways. Harry decided to walk around the city and get lost in his thoughts. He thought about how things might have been if he went to school with Terry. Which house would he be in? What year? Would they be friends? Would Malfoy want to ensnare him to the dark side? They didn't talk about the war or how it affected them. Harry was sure that Terry went through some hard times himself.

What would have happened if Harry fell in love with someone else? Would the curse kill him faster? Slower? Same? What if the one he loved was a mute? They wouldn't be able to say anything to Harry to make him hurt. Honestly, it was all too baffling to try to think about. Harry's mind reeled in circles when he thought of it. Since he's been so focused on dancing, he barely noticed that he's been feeling no pain lately. His wound still oozed every night, but the constant twinge would be gone once he focused on dancing.

As he continued to walk, he decided to shift his thoughts to his friends. He constantly wondered what they were doing, and how they were getting along. He tried not to think about it for too long, otherwise he would get depressed, and rather homesick. He was ready to move on to a new place. The more he stayed put, the more he wanted to turn around, and go back home. And that was another question he's been trying to answer for himself… where is 'home'?

* * *

In a quiet Hotel on the edge of the city, a lone figure stood by the large window as the night came alive with evening activities on the streets. The room itself was dark. They did not bother turning on the light. Instead, they focused on the light outside. Just beyond their reach. A pale hand reached out to touch the glass. A transparent barrier between them and the light they wish to seek. Even though they have walked those streets, seen the light for themselves, it's still always so out of reach. They may never be able to have it, to hold it. But that won't stop them from trying after they've felt what the light can do for one's heart.

* * *

Harry examined his wound in the mirror. He's been trying to write down changes, if any, to his condition. It wasn't infected, but it was as angry and ugly as ever. But it hasn't… spread… if that makes sense. At first he thought it was a needle point, but then when the school year progressed, it took on a wider span. However when Snape ceased his tirades and insults, the spreading had more or less stopped. Now it was just there. Constant and at times painful. What if Dumbledore was wrong and Harry could live for several years?

He thought about the Ballet he saw with Terry. He didn't realize how much it felt like his own struggle. Was he avoiding his problems. Was he thinking only of himself? Is he more Troll than man? He claimed he was going to be Harry as hard as he could until the end. But then he asked himself _Who are you really?_ The answer was simple. _I am a man impossibly in love._

Harry went through the process of bandaging himself up and getting ready for bed. Even though the sheets were cold and lonely, he allowed himself to picture someone else next to him. Wavy dark hair and dark eyes behind closed lids. He didn't get too specific in his dreaming, so that it didn't hurt. But on these nights, he just felt too lonely. He wanted to cry, but felt he had no more tears to shed for his fate. To distract himself, he went through the dance routine in his mind, and lulled himself to sleep.

* * *

"So much for a good night's sleep." Terry teased Harry when he walked in.

Harry had bags under his eyes and the urge to cry was strong. He didn't respond, and just went over to start his stretches.

Terry knew something was wrong, and followed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Harry's head was down. He didn't want to look at him. "It's nothing. Just had a bad dream and a rough morning." A rough morning was an understatement. He dreamed about dancing with Terry, but in the blink of an eye, he was dancing with… as much as he wanted to stay there, his subconscious knew it wasn't right. He tried to escape. He tried to wake up, but it was everywhere. He was everywhere.

When he finally shook himself awake, he was screaming in agony. The sheets were soaked red, and he realized he'd been scratching at his chest, creating new, open wounds. He ran to his bathroom to get his salve, and anything else that could help him.

After half an hour of bleeding, it finally stopped. He didn't want to look at it as he showered and replaced the bandages. He wanted to vomit when he saw the state of his bed. It looked like he murdered someone in their sleep. He vanished the mess, thankful for the fact that he was a wizard, and housekeeping wouldn't be alarmed when they did the laundry.

After running on automatic, he realized he was in shock. This was bad. How could he face Terry after this? How could he dance with him? He wanted to run. Run away and damn the consequences. Forget about Terry and flee to a new country.

But then he thought about Marg. He promised her he would do this. She revealed to them that her sister was seeing a woman, and she needed something like this to inspire her to do what was in her heart. The woman she was seeing was American, and the big decision for her was 'should she uproot herself from the bonds of her country, and move to an uncertain future with the woman she loves in America?' Or 'should they continue their affair simply on a commuter basis, since the woman was there half the year for her business'? She was stuck at a crossroads, and needed something. A sign in the right direction. Just as the Ballet inspired Harry, he couldn't turn his back on the others who may feel the same way. He had to do this for them. He wasn't going to run away from this. But he may run away from Terry afterwards.

Terry watched Harry stretch, avoiding looking at him even in the mirrors on the wall. "Harry… are you nervous about tonight?"

Harry decided to run with that. It was a good enough excuse for his behavior. "In a way, yes. I'm not sure how well I'm going to be tonight. I'm sorry in advance if I disappoint you…"

Terry looked at Harry with concern. He was still not looking at him. "Stay right here Harry, I'll be right back."

Harry listened to Terry's footfalls as he went to the back of the studio. He was glad for the silent solitude for now. But he was afraid. What was he going to do? Thankfully, he didn't have to answer himself as he heard two sets of footsteps returning. The owner of the other set spoke. "I hear you're feeling a little unsure of yourself, Harry." Marg said. "Come to the center of the room. Keep your head down. Don't let your eyes wander. We're going to go through some exercises together."

Harry followed her instructions. And shuffled to the center of the room. Soft music started to play. Softer than anything they've danced to thus far.

"Close your eyes and lift your head. Listen to my voice. In this space, you are safe. Nothing exists but you. Nothing can hurt you. Nothing can see you. You are essence. You have no form. You are the purest energy. Like a candle blowing in the wind. You refuse to be put out, but let the wind blow around you."

Harry felt something rustling through his hair, and brushing lightly against his clothes. He almost wanted to open his eyes.

"Remember. Nothing can hurt you in this space. You are safe from anything and everything. Let yourself move and flow on the waves of the music. Let the lullaby sweep your consciousness away, and let yourself simply… be."

Harry fixated on her words, and let himself move in any direction he wished. He felt something around him, but couldn't tell what it was. No matter where he moved, he never touched it. His heart rate slowed, and his deep breathing soothed his mind. He didn't think, he just moved.

"Let the embodiment of your spirit embrace you. Feel the security of its form. It will not harm you, just as you would not hurt yourself. It moves how you move, and follows you like a friendly shadow. A connected companion and close confidant."

Something drew closer to Harry, and it was most definitely a human. Maybe two. He couldn't tell, but he heard Marg's voice come in a different direction, so he knew she was moving around him. Overall, he did feel safe, and he held onto that.

"Feel the strength all around you. Feel the energies flowing through you. Your essence is shining with a radiant light now. Feel that light burn in your core, feeling the warmth as it spreads through your soul."

The form behind Harry tightened and took the lead. He knew it was Terry, but he was so calm, he didn't care. It felt nice. The fingers gently massaged along his arms. His left hand was being held by a gloved hand while another hand massaged his right shoulder. He felt like he was being played like a violin, and he became the music.

The gloved hands brushed his hair, massaged his neck, all the while the dance continued. Suddenly, the form shifted effortlessly to the front and took over the lead. Harry followed naturally with his eyes still closed. After a few more minutes of silent dancing, the form slowed them both down and stopped. The gloved hands ran up the arms, over the shoulders and gently cupped his face.

Harry figured he should be panicking right about now, but he was simply jelly in the man's hands. He listened to his baritone voice speak. "You are safe, Harry. I won't let any harm come to you, and I won't ever let you fall. Open your eyes. Look into mine. And see the truth…"

Harry opened his eyes and drowned in the piercing protective gaze Terry assaulted him with. Harry was speechless. He was no longer afraid. He didn't know what he was feeling. The calmness was still there, but now it felt as though Terry had become the embodiment of that calmness, and all he had to do was look into his eyes to forget his worries.

Harry finally found his voice as he reached up to release Terry's hold. "Thank you. I feel much better." He said with a tiny smile.

"Will you be alright." Terry asked. Concern still in his voice.

Harry stepped back a bit. He didn't feel pain, and the events of that morning now seemed like a disassociated memory. "I think so. However I think you and I need to have a serious talk afterwards. It's nothing bad… just… you should know some things before we continue on this life's journey."

"Of course. Do you want to practice a run-through on the stage for now?"

"Yes please."

No more words were spoken as they simply danced.


	17. Fight or Flight

They were a sensation! There was an uproar of cheers and applause as the two took their bows on the stage. Marg started up some background music, and got some couples mingling, and trying a few easy moves. Others were crowding Harry and Terry, asking them all sorts of questions. "How long have the two of you been dancing?", "Are you a couple?", "You two look so good together, when do you think you'll ask each other out?" Harry tried to answer the more harmless questions, and truly, tried to escape the crowd.

Terry could see how agitated Harry was becoming, so he had a word with Marg, and led Harry into the back where it was much quieter and it was just the two of them. "Are you alright?"

Harry was touched with all of the concern, but he almost wished he wouldn't bother. "I don't know. I honestly don't know." His hand came up to rub his chest. It wasn't hurting, but it was bothering him.

"… You did wonderfully out there." Terry tried to lighten the conversation.

"Thank you. Even though I messed up halfway through. Thank you for saving my slack." Harry chuckled.

"But that was the point. The fact that two men could dance, have fun, make mistakes, and still smile is better than a mechanically perfect performance that lacks human connection. They didn't want us to be perfect. They wanted us to be relatable. And we certainly were." He chuckled.

"Fine, then maybe next time I'll make a show of stepping on your foot."

"Please do. It might even please the crowd even more so."

They both laughed a bit. "Thank you though. For everything. This has been an amazing experience…"

"I'm sensing a 'but' coming on that may be a prelude to what you wished to discuss on a more personal level."

Harry couldn't deny that. He wondered if he should wait until he had a drink in his hands to help with his nerves, but he didn't want that as an excuse. And the things he says might come out wrong if he were even slightly tipsy. Harry found a chair, and sat down in it. All the built up energy seeped out of him. "I don't want to get into it fully right now. But I feel I have to say this at least. Things are so complicated right now, that I don't know how to keep anything straight anymore…" He took a deep breath, and ran his fingers through his hair. "I don't really understand what happened to me earlier today, but it's most likely not going to be the last. And I was a little put off with all of those questions about us, and don't get me wrong, you're a great guy, and if things were different…but they're not, and I'm in love... but that's how I got into this mess. I'm not looking for anything, and I can't look for anything. And by Merlin I can't speak straight. I just… maybe traveling together may not be such a good idea after all." That was it. That was what he needed to say.

Terry stood there for a moment, and then walked over to Harry. He kneeled down in front of him so they were eye level. "I'm not really sure I understood any of that. But what it sounds like is that you're afraid of getting attached to someone while your heart belongs to someone else."

Harry simply nodded. "More or less, even though that's only a fraction of the problem."

"Harry, if you do not wish for me to accompany you… we can go our separate ways tonight." Terry said with a straight face, though Harry could tell there was a twinge of possible sadness or disappointment behind it.

"But that's just it. I want you to come with me. I don't just want to go places by myself anymore. I want someone to talk to, but I'm afraid…" He took another breath. "I'm afraid of…"

Terry took a guess. "Of something happening like earlier today. That wasn't just nerves, was it?"

Harry shook his head. "I told you, it's complicated."

"Okay. How about this. We go one destination at a time. If it gets to be too much for either of us, we say so. No offense given to the other, and we part on good terms. Sound fair?"

Harry nodded slowly.

"And I know you were uncomfortable with those questions in there. I can tell you're in love with someone. Sometimes, when we're dancing, your eyes cloud over, and I'm sure you're picturing another person in my place."

Harry kept his head down in guilt.

"It's good to be in love. I envy that about you in a way. Part of my journey is trying to discover what I love. What will excite me? What will I enjoy? There's been so much negativity in my life, that I simply want to fill it with more positive things. And a friend who I can talk to openly would be more valuable than a trunk full of gold. I'm not comfortable around very many people. And it's a rare opportunity when I can just be myself."

Harry felt a bit better. They established a line. Friends. Nothing more. He can accept that. And they can part ways at any time without a grudge. But since Harry has gotten so close to Terry, it's going to feel as gut wrenching as when he left his other friends.

"You're still worried about something. It's written all over your face." Terry said.

Harry sighed. "It's going to take longer to explain, and I'd rather not worry about it right now."

"Think you'll be able to go out there for a little bit longer? The event goes on for another hour, and I think it would be quite rude to Marg if we were to leave too soon.

"Agreed. But what if we get assaulted with those kinds of questions?"

"Just tell them that we're good friends. You have a man in your life, and I'm still searching."

"He's not really in my life. It's an unrequited type of thing."

"That doesn't stop you from feeling something. And they don't need to know the details."

"Alright. I vote dinner afterwards to plan our next stop."

"I'll second the motion." Terry helped Harry to stand and they both went back out into the main room, among the fray of curious individuals. Harry felt better equipped to deal with them this time, and he was able to enjoy himself. He remembered other tough times in his life when Ron and Hermione would advise him on his current situations, and it's usually helped him get through. Perhaps Terry will be able to help him control this… whatever it is. He was impressed with how he handled the situation earlier when Harry was nothing more than a wounded, frighten animal ready for fight or flight. He kept him calm, and he actually stopped the pain. Was it mind over matter? Did he hypnotize him? Whatever it was, it worked. Another plus to having him come along.

"There you are!"

Harry turned around as he encountered another blond who was speaking directly to him.

"It is so good to finally meet you, Harry. I'm Catrina, Marg's younger sister. She's told me quite a bit about you both, how you are both on a journey of self-discovery. I think that is an incredibly brave thing to do. What inspired you to explore the world?"

Harry decided to borrow Terry's words, "I've had a rough life, and I'm plagued by many dark memories. But I wanted to turn that around, and seek out the beautiful aspects of the world. There's so many things we take for granted, and with nothing but the bad and the ugly, we start to see everything like that. So I set off to change my perspective."

"That is so amazing. I haven't been anywhere except maybe a few hours outside the city." Just then, a girl walked up to them. "Oh, excuse me. This is Madeline. She works in a firm affiliated with mine." The brush of the arms suggested a far more intimate connection between them.

"That was a spectacular dance! I wish my phone could record video, but it's for global calls only, and it's the company's bill." Madeline felt nervous. That was obvious. Like what they were doing was forbidden.

"I can show you a few moves if you'd like." Harry was nowhere near the level Terry was as an instructor, but it would be enough for what he had in mind. Madeline blushed, and Catrina looked excited. She encouraged Madeline to take Harry's offered hand. They moved to a secluded section of the floor, and Harry showed her how to move in a close waltz. The music was slow enough that it was justified. His mouth was right next to her ear. "So how long have you two been seeing each other?" She immediately tensed her frame. "It's alright. Marg explained a bit already, and you can feel safe in this group."

She shifted her head so that she could whisper as well. "It's just not the same as back home. People are more open there. Here, I feel like I have to walk on egg shells. I still don't know how we ended up together. But it's been three years, and the distance hasn't changed that. I've tried to convince her to come live with me in the U.S., but like me, she is afraid of the consequences. I don't think I can live here full time, but I might have to if she can't move. But I love her so much that I want to marry her, and we can't do that here. I'd be asking her to leave everything behind, including her citizenship, just to be with me, and that just sounds selfish. So I try to just make the best of an awkward situation." She lets out a chuckle. "And I have no idea why I just spilled all of that to a complete stranger. I am so sorry. You don't want to hear all this."

"Actually, I do. I'm very well aware at how complicated love can be. I loved only one man in my life. I still love him, and I'll love him until the day I die. You're lucky that you love someone who reciprocates your love." She gasped a little at that. "The situation is what it is. But if there was a chance that… things were different. I would fight for him. I would fight for us to be together. Because the bad times and the struggles would be worth it in order to be unbearably happy. So the question should be, 'is it worth it?' Is the love you feel worth all the fear, the sorrow, the heartache, and the ridicule? If the answer is yes, then you should go for it. Even if you stayed here, look around. There are people in the same situation. You have a group that will help support and protect you. And even if you can't get officially married on paper, you can still have a celebration with those closest to you. Marriage is a state of mind. Not a document."

She relaxed against his frame. "Thank you for that Harry. I think that's what I needed to hear. Yes. I think it's worth it."

"Then have a talk with her about it."

"I will."

At this point, the music ended, and another slow one started. They separated and walked back over to Catrina. Harry held out his hand to her. "You're probably better at this than I am, but may I have the honor?"

Catrina took his hand right away, and winked at Madeline. "Marg is the dancer in the family. I can't even do the box step." They laughed as he drew her close in a similar fashion. This time, Catrina started the conversation. "I know the two of you were talking about me. And I know you gave her some good advice judging from the smile she had towards the end. So help me out Mr. Fancy Pants. What should I do in order to make her happy?"

"First of all, you tell me what you feel for her."

"I adore her. Even when she is gone, I have eyes for no one else. But I feel like such a coward when it comes to our future. One or both of us could get fired from our jobs if they found out. And neither of us can afford to lose them."

"If part of her work is out here, does your company go overseas too?"

"It's a small design department. We don't have the budget for something like that."

"Do you at least have paid vacation time?"

"Yes. Though not everyone does."

"Then I suggest that you visit her in the U.S. for a little bit. Just enough to see how you like it, and break the ice of the barrier that is your comfort zone. From there, you two can plan out if your jobs are really worth it in the long run. Short term is fine, but there might be an opportunity to expand or move departments. It's a lot to think about, but there's time to figure it out. For now, I'm sure she would love to show you around her home town."

"I'll think about it. Thank you Harry. The man you give your heart to is truly lucky." She gave him a hug, and went to go join her friend.

Harry knew she meant to be kind, but he felt a stab of sorrow. He didn't have time to dwell on it as Terry swooped in and claimed him in another dance. "Your face was falling again."

Harry chuckled. "So you come in and save the day once more."

"A habit I think you're wearing off on me."

Harry laughed, and rested his head on his shoulder. It felt nice to be able to do this and not have it be awkward. He once more let himself be swept off in the moment and flowed with the music.


	18. The Journey Continues

**Author's Note:** Two chapters in one day! I am on a role! Also, I've been hearing a little voice in my head saying "Get on with it!"

* * *

The next day, they bought tickets for the Trans-Siberian Railway heading straight for Beijing. The whole trip took about 10 days, and by the end of it, they were both ready to just walk for a while, and were in no rush to use a train again in the near future. While it was fun for a while, it soon got very claustrophobic, especially in the sleeper cars. Harry got top, and he was so tempted to do a space expansion spell to make things more roomy. Terry was the same way. At least they had a lot of books to read to fill the time. It was nice that they didn't feel like they had to fill every minute with idle chit-chat.

They walked around Beijing and tried the local cuisines. Terry seemed fascinated at what he might be able to use in potions, and Harry just tried to ignore yet another reminder of someone he tries to avoid remembering. He didn't want to spoil Terry's fun, so he let him go fulfill his curiosity as he looked at a few artisan shops. They mostly took their time walking from Beijing, to the closest portion of the Great Wall of China, From there, they went to Shanghai, and boarded a boat to Japan. They visited a few temples around Kyoto, but they really liked the small villages in the Fukui Prefecture. And they couldn't pass up visiting an Onsen in Hokkaido, even though Harry mainly stuck to the personal bathing springs.

When they had enough of Japan, they backtracked, stopping over in Okinawa, Hong Kong, and traveling west towards India. While in India, they had to do the ridiculously touristy things like riding on an elephant and riding on a camel, which were both very bouncy mounts. It felt a little disconcerting being stared at simply because they were foreigners, and they were swarmed by a group of children on a field trip who all wanted photos taken with them. But this was yet another culture they could add on their ever growing list. Not to mention the architecture alone was beyond fascinating. They went to the Palace of Mysore, and of course to the Taj Mahal in Agra. Harry couldn't help but feel disgusted with the people who have decided to scratch on the marble, and damage what was once a flawless surface just because they wanted to write, "JW + HW Forever!" on the beautiful monument. People could be so disrespectful sometimes.

While going through the streets, and listening to the merchants hawk their wares, Harry thought about how the last two months had gone by. He only had one more bad episode with his chest, and it was after a particularly grueling dream. He didn't tell Terry, but then again, he didn't have to. Terry knew something was wrong as soon as he saw Harry. He pulled him into his hotel room, blocked off all the light outside, and played some music as they simply waltzed. Harry felt bad for using him like that, but he was unbelievably grateful. But there was a growing unrest inside of him. Those little warnings were more prominent now. For instance, the man still wore long sleeves, no matter how hot it was outside. Especially now, when he was simply sweating while standing in the afternoon heat. The smell he couldn't pin point before reminded him of the salve he uses, but that could just be a coincidence.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard a simple melody in the air. It was nearly drowned out with the noises from traffic, and people talking, but Harry decided to follow the music through the crowd of carts full of goods.

Harry looked around him, trying to find the source of the beautiful music. Finally, he came across a little stand selling kitschy little knik-knacks. Hand fans, belts, scarves, tea cups, elephant carvings and the like. But the only thing that interested him was the little ornate music box that was the source of the sweet music.

He didn't pay any attention to the man trying to pitch a deal with him. He just continued to stare at the curious little box. As the melody played on, he drew into his mind and let the notes of the music paint images into his subconscious. Images of the moon. Pale and full. The light pouring through the flimsy curtains of an open window. The light played across a small white bed with pale blue covers. In the bed lay a small figure. Long wavy hair flowed down the back of a lacy nightgown. The delicate hands held tight to a black teddy bear with a red scarf. Nuzzled into the bear's ear was an angular nose. Long eyelashes rested against soft cheeks that had only recently shed the infantile chubbiness. The eyes didn't have to be open for Harry to know they were darker than the midnight sky. Harry simply knew she was perfection. He knew she was his. He knew she was…

All of a sudden, the music stopped. The spring coil spent and still, released of all of the wound energy, and no more sound could be run out of the unmoving pins. "Harry! I've been looking everywhere for you. You just simply vanished. Harry? Harry, what is wrong with you? Why are you spacing out… and why in the world are you crying?" Harry didn't even turn his head as he listened to Terry. He brought his hand up to wipe away the tears that sure enough, were there. As he gazed at them and watched them dry, so too did he watch the image in his mind fade. Like a memory forgotten. And it broke his heart. He pictured this perfect light sitting on the edge of a willow branch, but he couldn't ever reach it, no matter how hard he tried. No matter how desperately he wanted to claim it, that small little soul, he knew it was impossible. The only thing he could ever come close to was the small box that was still physically in front of him.

He cleared his throat, "Um… this box. I'm sorry. I found its melody beyond moving. I'll have it please." He said as he took out his money. He didn't ask for the price, because he didn't care.

"A fine choice, a fine choice indeed young sir. I hear this was the only model of its kind." He began to pack up the delicate box very carefully.

Harry was sure the man was gouging him when he asked for a ridiculously high number, but Harry paid him regardless, "Do you know the name of the song, by any chance?"

"If I can recall correctly, I believe it's called Lily's Lullaby. I think it was an original composition for this piece. A fine choice again sir, enjoy!" Harry took the small bag, and held it up to his heart. He couldn't hear very much around him, and he was only vaguely aware of Terry calling out to him. Terry… Harry walked away to a less busy portion of the street. Terry had followed him, and was waiting for Harry to say something. Harry put the music box gently into his pack before turning to his companion. He couldn't think, and his intuition took over the movements of his body. He let out a big sigh, and moved with incredible speed as he grabbed Terry's left hand, and yanked up the man's sleeve.

Time froze to a halt as every sound was tuned out and neither of them could breathe as they both looked at the silver arm guard on the exposed arm… the one that was adorned with the symbol of protection...

"I think it's time we stopped pretending… Professor."


	19. The Truth

Harry let go of the arm that held the very armguard he poured his soul into months ago. The blood pounding through his brains blocked out all thought and all comprehension. Still, he tried to speak, "I didn't… I wasn't even sure…" His breathing increased as his mind plagued him with images of his old Professor lying to him, taunting him, laughing at him through this whole charade, and he could feel his chest starting to seep rapidly through the bandages. He was about to flee like a frightened gazelle. He still couldn't look the man in the eyes.

Terry, or Snape rather, did the first thing he could think of to calm the young man down. He grabbed ahold of Harry's arm, and reeled him in so that he could plant a firm, but gentle kiss on Harry's forehead. Harry's panic attack died in an instant, and confusion took its place. He went as still and 'silent as the grave'.

"Forgive me Harry. Will you finally listen to what I have to say?"

Harry felt like his voice was separated from his throat as he tried to respond. "I… I will have to. Otherwise… that's going to really… really… hurt later." He looked on the verge of tears.

Snape got an idea. "Assume the stance." He brought his arms up, and Harry fell in step quite naturally. Severus started a soft waltz to the sound of a lonely sitar player in the distance playing La Vie En Rose for some French tourists. Dancing always calmed the two of them down. They could center themselves and forget about the world for a few moments. "I will explain everything to you. I knew it was only a matter of time before you found out. For that, I am sorry, but it was necessary.

First of all Harry. I've never loved or been loved before. Not even with my own family. So I don't know what it feels like. And living a life where there is nothing but fear, anger and hate, you can't help but feel bitter and jealous of everyone else who have a reason to smile. I discovered early on in your school years that I was envious of you. Even with the Dark Lord on your tail and a past filled with a horrible and unloved childhood, you remained so pure. So full of hope and light and laughter. I felt like that only once in my life when I was friends with your mother. But when she was gone, I didn't want to feel anything like it ever again. I hated everything and everyone.

That's why I was seduced by the Death Eaters. It felt like a group I could really belong. Others who hated the world, and wanted to shape it for themselves. To hurt those who hurt us. Little did I know what I was actually signing up for. My many mistakes took anything and everything from my soul and spirit. To atone for my many sins, I dedicated my life to right my wrongs, and help get rid of the Dark Lord once and for all. But what then? What was I supposed to do with my life afterwards? I never expected to live through this, and changing who I was seemed impossible.

Every little thing set me off, and reminded me that I was not only unhappy, but that I couldn't ever be happy. Dumbledore asked me once, 'Aren't you happy now that you're free?' But honestly, I felt as dead as I should have been. Outside the walls of Hogwarts, I was the most hated man in the world, no matter who said otherwise.

But then everything changed the day I found out that a student of mine had such strong feelings for me, that it was killing him. I thought fate was a cruel mistress indeed. Not only could I not just suffer alone, she had to drag someone down with me, and it happened to be the one person who deserved the best future imaginable. More sins, more pain and suffering, and it was my fault. That's why, no matter how much you forgive me, how much you say this is not my responsibility, it undoubtedly is in my eyes.

I am the one who asked Miss Granger to research everything she could. I myself devoted my time to trying to find something, anything that could help. Every night I wished that I could just strip you of this curse, and put it on me. It would be divine justice if I could do it. But the only thing I could do was follow you, and protect you from afar. I approached you in a few different disguises, mainly merchants to try to give you things that I thought would help. Offering you a tea to help clear away pains, or incense to clear negativity, and such, but you never went for it. I tried to study what might set off the pain, but I couldn't really do that from afar, so I chose a different disguise. A youth potion of my own design. It can last up to a month."

Harry decided to pipe in. "But I've seen what you look like when you were young, and this definitely isn't it."

Snape smirked, "With a few well placed glamours, it did the trick. But my personality was a problem. I tried to have a few conversations with people, and they all said I was too stiff, and sounded too old for my face, that I should 'act my age'. And so, I tried other things to help me 'let go' of my former self. Being a spy for two decades meant I was a capable actor. So I spent many nights in front of the bathroom mirror practicing on how to 'act my age'."

Harry couldn't help but snicker at the idea.

Snape knew how silly it sounded, and didn't begrudge Harry's delight at the image. "That led me to trying to interact with people, like the group who I played poker with. When I saw you sign up for those dancing classes, I thought this was a better opportunity to observe you. I never thought we'd end up becoming dance partners. I thought I had blown it with you in that studio with my old habits of calling you a savior. I was nearly desperate to find you after you left suddenly. I admit I got into a fight with those thugs in that ally on purpose in order to get your attention. I've survived multiple rounds of the cruciatous curse, a small beating was nothing to me. From that point on, I decided to just 'meet you for the first time' all over again, and see where it led. I was afraid you were going to find out about me sooner or later. But now, I ask you not to send me away. I will probably just keep following you in disguise after disguise until the end."

Harry stiffened. "You mean until I'm dead…"

"Harry…"

"No… I get it. You decided to study me in order to 'help'. I appreciate it. I really do. And I get that you can't just let this go. But… what am I supposed to do now? If you left, I would always assume the next friendly person I speak to might be you in disguise. I'll become paranoid, looking over my shoulder, trying to see you in the shadows. And I'm afraid that's only going to make my situation worse." He couldn't help the few tears that escaped his closed eyes. Another thought occurred to him, "How in the world were you able to track me down in the first place? I made extra sure that no one could trace my whereabouts."

Snape stopped their dance in order to trace the chain around Harry's neck. The one that led to the oval locket Harry always wore.

Harry pulled it out. "This? But Hermione checked it. There aren't any spells on it. And any spells she cast just showed that it did belong to my mother."

"The photograph did. And that's where the residual magic comes from. I took that photo from your old house the night…" Snape took a breath. "I wanted it to remind me of what I had done. What I had lost. And what I need to do to make it right. After the war… in a way, I didn't need it anymore, and I had put it in a closet. Out of site, out of mind. But then I needed a way to find you. So I went to a broken down pawn shop, and got that locket. I had an acquaintance of mine alter it to fit my needs." Snape pulled his bag to the front. It was similar to Harry's in the sense that it had everything he could possibly need in it. He pulled out a small electronic device, and hit a few buttons before showing the screen to Harry. It was a grid that had the street they were on, and a pulsating dot in the center.

"… You put a muggle tracking chip in the locket…" Harry was torn between laughing, being impressed, or being deeply offended.

Snape put it away. "Wizards often underestimate muggles and their ways."

"So wait… this means that you…"

"Abused your trust with the Headmaster? Yes. It would be too suspicious if I were to give it to you. And I decided to give you the salve in person without being the normal coward I am." Harry looked like he wanted to protest. "Again, Harry. No matter what anyone says, I cannot change how I see myself. My life has mostly been about sole-preservation, like your mother said."

"Then what are you doing now? Why go to such lengths? I could simply ditch this locket now and leave you know."

"I don't want to lie to you anymore Harry. I've tried to be as honest, within reason, as I could be with you. The stories I've told you about my past were all true. In a way, I wanted you to get to know me. Without the prejudice of the past. And I want to learn from you. I want to learn all I can about how to live. How to see the world through your eyes. And I want to learn how to care about things. This?" He pointed to the arm guard. "Has been a fine teacher. It was as though my personal demons were silenced for once in my life, and I could hear myself think without their influence. When my colleagues returned after their holidays, they noticed a huge change in my demeanor. They kept on saying, 'who are you, and what have you done with the grumpy potion's master?'

After two months of wearing it, I started to have dreams. A different sort of torturous nightmare. And I thought it was influenced by the guard. I removed it to see if it would change anything, and I was assaulted with such darkness around and within me. It felt like my mind was about to explode with the negativity. I couldn't get the band on fast enough. I was in a corner in my room, and the arm guard made my mind quiet once more. But then I began to weep like a child. The warmth coming from the guard was not enough. Now that I had a small sample of true comfort, I wanted… no, I craved more… like a drug. The feeling wasn't enough. I wanted someone to actually hold me who held the same feeling. I hadn't felt that lost and alone since I was five, hiding in the closet away from my parents.

There were times early in my life where… I'm sorry if I offend you or if you find this low of me… where I paid for someone to hold me for a night, but it always felt cold. Unfeeling. Like I couldn't even pay for someone to pretend to like me enough even for one night. And I would feel even worse when it was over. So I stopped trying. But now, I don't think I could live without this piece. I very much wanted to simply end my suffering when it was off. Because of its nature, I couldn't hide it with a glamor or disguise. But when we were dancing, it felt like the arm guard itself was singing with happiness. And I in turn felt it. So I used it to my advantage to feel the closeness of someone. Of you. And now the selfish part of me doesn't want to lose that just yet."

"But Snape… you know how I feel. You've known for months… how do you expect me to act around you?"

"I honestly don't want things to change. I want you to come to me if you feel discomfort. I genuinely want to help you. I'm not afraid or ashamed to admit that. I really do want to be there for you. I want to continue looking for a cure. To the point where I would beg you on my hands and knees not to discard the locket and walk away."

Harry couldn't even picture this proud man in such a state.

"I won't hide anything anymore. But let me continue to be Terry. Just for now. I will continue my own journey of self-discovery, and I can be there for you as a friend. And we can continue to discover new places… and feelings… together."

Harry felt like he wanted to cry. "Terry... Snape… I don't know if I can. It was hard enough trying to forget about you. I was trying so hard not to develop feelings for Terry, but I couldn't help it."

Snape smirked, "I could tell. Your pupils would dilate whenever we danced, and judging by how relaxed your frame was, I doubted it was due to extreme stress. I never thought I could ever become so jealous of myself. But Harry, here's my point. Just as I won't hide anymore. I don't want you to hide either. I want you to be yourself around me, just like you have been. I just ask that you be patient with me. Everything… everyday… it's all been so new to me that I'm constantly at a loss. My confidence is a mask hiding just how nervous and scared I am right now." He raised Harry's hand, and kissed the back of it. "This is what I'm offering. That we give this a shot. For real... we'll go slow, and see where it leads."

Harry tried to process everything he had just heard. He looked into 'Terry's' eyes, and saw the sincerity in them. He was also drowning in the insecurity he saw in them, and all he wanted to do was hug the man. His story broke his already damaged heart, and possibly made him love the man even more. He could see how Snape didn't want to go back to just being the dour potion's master. He wanted to change his life. But it felt awkward. Really awkward. He didn't want to be without Terry's presence and calm nature, but could he really handle being with Snape? The man was offering to 'Go Steady' with him, essentially. Not really as a couple yet, but something closer than just friends. "I'll need to ask some questions first before I decide."

"Of course."

"First of all. You say you want to stay as Terry, but you don't want to hide anymore, what's the purpose for continuing the charade?"

"You know the truth now, so I don't want to hide from you in that sense. Ask me a question, I will give you an honest answer. But I don't want to lose 'Terry' yet for a couple reasons. There's more I can learn through his eyes. About people and how I'm treated as a person. It's also a way for me to let go of the person I was and start over. I don't want it to be permanent, but I do want it to help me feel more comfortable with the idea of… us."

"You mean you feel more comfortable with the fact that we look like we're similar in age?" Harry wasn't really offended, just curious.

"Yes. At least for now. I know I'm older than you, and so do you. But that's only a state of mind that I'm not used to. Especially when getting close to anyone, enough to be friends."

"What if I do something you're not ok with? Like, I want to hold your hand or something? What if I start to become too clingy?"

Snape chuckled. "I honestly don't know. No one has ever been clingy to me before. I don't know how I'll react. But if I feel uncomfortable with something, I will gently let you know."

Harry relaxed a bit. "Ok, but what about later? What if it doesn't work out? What if things with my condition get to be too much for you to handle… or worse?"

"Again, I don't have the answers. I am genuinely at a loss for what to do or how to act. But I'm in this deep, and I don't think I'll leave, no matter how deep it gets. I've said so before. I'll probably follow you until the end."

This is the part that made Harry sad. "But what then…? I would be gone and you… I never wanted that…" This is where the tears came, and couldn't stop.

Snape pulled Harry close, and let him cry on his shoulder. He'd never done this before… give comfort to someone… but it was another way that he was changing. Doing so just seemed so natural, which surprised him. "I don't know Harry. I just know that I don't want to leave… I can't leave… I can't ever go back… I may not be able to go forward… all there is… is right now…"

Harry cried a bit harder, and clung to Snape. Life really wasn't fair. Here he was, in the arms of the man of his dreams who wanted to more or less be together… and Harry was dying…

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I have officially broken my word count record. Yay! I was thinking about making a few more mini stories about the adventures of Harry and Terry. But by now everyone was already guessing (*cough* and leaving guesses in reviews eck-hem ^_~) who Terry was, and I really wanted to get to the big reveal. Granted, some people probably figured it out from the first time 'Terry' opened his trap. Or the fact that I didn't label this fic as Harry/OC. Hope you liked the long winded explanation. This was the chapter I was dying to write.


	20. Blood, Fears, and Tears

**Author's Note:** Looooong chapter this time! I was thinking about breaking it up into more chapters, but I decided against it. Thank you everyone for the awesome reviews!

* * *

After Harry had some time to calm down, they decided to go back to their hotel and get some food and a drink. Harry was looking at his plate, moving his half eaten meal around, unsure of what to say.

"Are things so different now that we can't even have a simple conversation? We usually never have such an awkward meal." 'Terry' said. It was still hard to refer to him like that in Harry's mind. Even though the man didn't want to let go of his 'Terry' form, he really should start referring to him as Snape.

"I'm sorry. It's just going to take some time to adjust. I'm going through all the things we've done, and trying to see why I didn't figure things out sooner, or wondering if it was just all a lie. My pessimistic mind can't help but jump to horrible conclusions, despite the evidence to the contrary, and I ask that you have patience with me. It's not every day that the man that you're trying so hard not to think of, was right in front of you the entire time." Harry rubbed his chest.

"Is it hurting?"

Harry stopped rubbing. "Kind of. The bandages are soaked. I can tell."

"Harry, will you please look at me?" Snape said, nearly exasperated, but still gentle.

Harry finally looked up, and gazed at the man he had come to trust as a friend. The eyes that had been so expressive to him as of late. The man who has shown him such selfless kindness. How could they possibly move on from here? Now that Harry knew the truth? However, the more he thought about it, the more he couldn't think that the Snape he once knew was capable of such things. Such kindness. When he fell in love with him, he really didn't know what happened. Something about the man just called out to Harry. Something lonely, and kindred. He knew from the beginning he was being foolish to love the man, but the heart is funny like that. He eventually just accepted it, like everything else… Like he told Hermione once… He can accept this as well, it was just going to take some time. "I'm honestly still afraid of what's going to happen when I close my eyes tonight. My dreams are not kind to me. Especially now that…" Harry couldn't finish his sentence.

"Your nightmares have been increasing in frequency, haven't they?"

Harry was mildly surprised.

"I could tell. And I could also tell that you haven't told me because you didn't want to be a burden. But now, if you're ok with it, I can give you some of the items I've been working on that might help counter the effects at least a little."

Harry didn't see any reason why not, but he also had nothing more to add. He didn't really want to go into details about his condition. At least not right now. Another awkward silence filled the air. Finally, Harry decided on a new topic, "So… now that things are… different. I have a suggestion for some of our future destinations."

Snape was curious, "By all means, let's hear them."

Harry tried not to blush, and was failing quite miserably, "Well, it's just… we could… you were…" Harry took a deep breath, and looked down, "You said you wanted to give it a shot. So what if we added a few things that of a more… personal nature, I guess."

Snape smirked a bit. "You mean like going on a date?"

There must have been something in Snape's voice that made Harry think he just made an idiotic suggestion. "You're right. It's ridiculous. Never mind…"

"Harry, stop. I was just asking for clarification, I was not judging you." He decided to make a bold move and place his hand over Harry's trembling ones in his lap. He lowered his voice and spoke gently, "I told you, I am out of my element. I don't know how to date or be intimate with anyone. But we do have an opportunity that's not to be wasted. The world is ours, and we can go wherever the wind takes us."

Harry tried to picture the face of his old Potion's Professor while 'Terry' held his hands. He overturned one hand so that he could return the grip fully. He snickered, "I'm sorry. It's just… I never dreamed… Here I was wrestling with my attraction for Terry, and now, it's technically alright… I know who's behind that face… But I still feel like I'm being disloyal somehow… even though there was nothing to be disloyal to except my own sordid feelings… Is that insane?"

Snape smiled. "I was pleased that you found this face acceptable. It did make things easier when getting to know you. But I've never had anyone trip over their own sentences with the mere sight of me. I know it was unintentional, but I'll admit, it was quite the ego boost." They both laughed. "I was also flattered when you didn't mind the state of my nose. Even with the glamours, I couldn't do much for it."

"I've always liked your nose. Even when you were looking down on all of us, making us tremble in our socks. I always thought it made you look regal and sophisticated." Harry realized just how personal that thought was, and became highly embarrassed, "I can't believe that just spilled out of my mouth. Can we just obliviate the last few seconds?" Harry tried to hide his face with his napkin, not even realizing that he was still holding Snape's hand.

"No, Harry. This is good. Don't you see what just happened? You were talking to me. Me. As a normal person. Not as a student to their teacher. Or even a former student to a former teacher. You looked passed the face and spoke to me. That's what I wish for us to be like. That we can talk about the past, but not be held to it. That, in time, we can be comfortable enough around each other that we can both speak our minds. Just like we were before this evening…"

Harry looked at their entwined hands. He liked the closeness, and like Snape, he craved the contact as well. "I want to be as open as I have been. Terry was someone I could say anything around, and he gave me his honest opinion without ridicule. But you have to admit that this situation we're in is well passed the realm of 'bizarre'. You're not the only one out of your element. I've never even dated anyone. And before you say anything, a trip to Hogsmeade with Ginny and an awkward wet kiss from Cho doesn't even count. So you can't blame me for being nervous. I envy how you can remain so calm."

"This isn't 'calm'. Trust me. I'm still expecting you to run away as soon as we separate for the evening." Snape tried to joke, but it was the truth.

"I promise I won't go anywhere. You have my solemn word on that." They were able to finish their meal in a more comfortable ambience, even though both of them were nervous about the days ahead.

* * *

Harry flopped on his bed still trying to wrap his head around the events of the day. Terry and Snape were one and the same, and Snape said he wanted to be with him. The whole idea was just insane, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't happy. Wasn't this his deepest and darkest wish? That he would see Snape again before the end, and that Snape wouldn't hate him?

Harry went through his old journal entries of his whole time with Terry. He tried reading the passages and automatically reading the name 'Terry' as 'Snape'. All the times he relied on Terry, he was relying on Snape. In a sordid way, it made sense. He trusted the man with his soul, but the closeness he felt... He closed his eyes, and pictured them dancing. He got his dream of dancing with Snape, and he didn't even realize it.

Damn the man for being as stubborn as he was himself though. He wasn't going to leave Harry alone because of his own sense of duty. But that wasn't all. It wasn't his duty that caused him to be so kind. Snape had a duty to help keep Harry alive during the war, and his dislike for him was clear as crystal. Now, he's seen the man smile, laugh, joke, and even though it's with a borrowed face, it was still him…

Harry turned out the light, and tried to go to sleep.

* * *

Snape couldn't sleep. He was still concerned that Harry was going to disappear. He wondered if he should have put a tracking spell on some other item of Harry's. He looked over at the clock which showed it was half passed three in the morning. He was laying on top of the covers despite the chill in the air.

There was a piercing scream coming from next door, and Snape didn't even have to think as he grabbed his wand and rushed into Harry's room. Harry was thrashing on the bed, caught in the throes of some nightmare. His hands were clawing at his chest, and even in the darkness, Snape could see the red seeping through the semi destroyed bandages.

Snape nearly tackled the flailing form on the bed. "Harry!" He tried to get through the haze that locked Harry in his dream. He grabbed the clawing hands and wrenched them away from the damage. The sudden movement caused the both of them to fall out of the bed, and onto the floor. This at least woke Harry up at last. However, that didn't stop him from using Snape as a landing cushion.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean… I couldn't…" The tears started to fall, and Harry scrambled off the man, and tried to crawl away as though he would disappear if he was able to make himself small enough.

Snape sat up, and groaned a bit in pain. "It's alright Harry. I'm fine." He groaned. Neither one believed it.

Harry couldn't look at him, and he couldn't stop crying. His chest was burning, but it was the least of his concern right now.

"Harry? Are you alright?" Snape asked.

Harry couldn't answer. He just shook his head. He couldn't even remember the nightmare that caused him so much trouble, all he could think about was the fact that he had been right. It was bad. Very bad. And his chest felt worse than usual. He didn't notice Snape as he crawled closer to him.

"Oh Harry…" He said as he gently ran his fingers through the soft hair, trying to calm the young man.

The voice was filled with such sympathy and concern that Harry just wanted to cry harder. He felt so pathetic. He was gently pulled into an embrace, and as much as he wanted to fight it, he wanted the contact even more. He was shaking and trying to calm himself, but he felt like such a child, too weak to pull himself together. He kept trying to speak, but he couldn't breathe anything above a whisper. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"

"Hush Harry. No more of that. You have nothing to be sorry for. Breathe Harry. Calm yourself down. Listen to me, take a deep breath in… that's right. Now let it out slowly… Again, a deep breath in…" After a few moments, Harry started to gradually calm down. Snape used his wand to turn on a light and to bring forward some tissues and a glass of water.

Harry tried to ignore the fact that Snape was without a shirt, and was just in a pair of black pajama pants. He felt humiliated enough as it was, that he didn't need any more from blushing and thinking inappropriate thoughts.

"Will you let me take a look?"

Harry froze in a bit of panic. Letting his friend's see it was one thing, but this…

"Please Harry? Will you please let me have a look?"

Harry shook his head. "No. Please don't trouble yourself. I'm fine, really. I just need a few moments."

Snape was getting a bit annoyed. "Harry. I simply must insist. I want to be sure you're not in any immediate danger."

Harry gave up. He was exhausted, and at that moment, he simply didn't care anymore. He blew his nose, and got up to head to the bathroom, not even waiting for Snape to follow. He turned on the light, and started to remove his blood soaked shirt, and the disheveled bandages. He wet a washcloth, and washed away the smeared blood before he could feel Snape behind him. Snape moved to sit on the toilet lid, and Harry moved silently as he moved the few feet to stand right in front of the man for his inspection.

Snape was at a loss for words with what he saw. It was grotesque, and fresh. He could see new and old scabs, and the irritated flesh underneath. It made him want to gag at the sight. The last time he had seen it, it had not nearly been this bad. Dumbledore said that the extent of the damage back then meant he had maybe two years left, but what about now? Especially since he's received such a shock to his system yesterday. Maybe he should never have gotten involved. Maybe he should have stayed far away from Harry. Why can't he do more? Why does he feel so useless? Harry wouldn't be this bad off if it weren't for him… He wouldn't be in danger at all if it weren't for him…

Harry brought his hand up and wiped away a tear that slowly slid from Snape's eyes. "I never thought I'd live to see the day when Severus Snape shed a tear in front of others…"

Snape reached up and brushed away any other liquid that might have escaped from his eyes. "The old Severus perhaps. This one is at a loss. You said that you envied my calmness? Well I envy your strength and bravery."

"I wouldn't even call it strength, or bravery for that matter. It is what it is. End of story."

"But that's what I'm afraid of. I hate not having the answers to something. And I hate being at a loss. But this… I… I don't have any answers…"

Harry sighed, "You… Hermione… Dumbledore… I never thought there would ever be a problem you three couldn't figure out."

"Same here… until now. And all three of us have failed you…" more elusive tears were threatening to show themselves.

"This is no one's fault except Voldemort's. That's all. And wishing to reverse time is a fool's wish… The problem at the moment is… what happens now?"

Snape stood. "Right now, I will grab a few things and help you rebandage yourself. And then I shall sleep on the floor in here for the remainder of the night so that I can keep an eye on you."

Harry's blush made a rapid appearance again. "You don't have to… I'll be alright…"

Snape held up his hand to gently stop Harry. "Please allow me to do this. I know you are more than capable of taking care of yourself, but I am here now, and I told you that I want to help you."

"Severus, you are so infuriating. I won't have you getting a poor night's sleep just because you feel this sense of duty… What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Snape was staring at him as though shocked speechless.

"You… It's just… that's the first time you've used my given name when speaking to me…"

"I'm sorry. It just slipped." Harry felt foolish.

"No, it's alright… It was pleasant to hear you say my name in such confidence."

Harry tried smiling. "Well, if you insist on baby-sitting me for the rest of the night, I at least insist that you share the bed. The next hotel we get, we can share the room if it will make you happy. But for now I think we both need the use of a proper bed." Harry looked around, noting that the small room wasn't large enough for them to even transfigure another bed. Which meant they would indeed have to share.

Snape smiled coyly at him. "As you wish. I shall return momentarily."

As Snape left, Harry tried to slap the blush out of his cheeks, and only succeeded in causing pain in his face. It wasn't long before Snape returned with a few different items. He handed Harry a dreamless sleep potion, and proceeded to rub a new salve onto the gapping wound. Harry shivered at the sensation. It chilled and burned, and sent goosebumps down his spine. To his utter embarrassment, he felt his nipples go firm, and tried desperately to ignore it. Snape was thankfully focused on his task, and was being as gentle as possible as he helped Harry reapply the bandages.

They both finally went back to the disheveled bed, and cleared the mess before both climbed in. Harry shut off the light, and concentrated on the feeling that was pooled around his heart. Underneath the sensation of the salve, he felt the racing rhythm of his heart pounding in his ear as he essentially shared his bed with the man of his tortured dreams. If anything, this incident helped them get closer to one another in the sense that Harry looked passed Terry's face, and found Severus. And a friendship between them was more than possible now.

* * *

When Severus drifted back to consciousness, he knew immediately something was wrong. Well… Maybe not wrong, but certainly not right. But, oh did it feel right. He was on his back, and just out of his line of sight was a messy mop of dark curly hair. He could smell the strawberry shampoo. He also felt incredibly warm as the owner of the hair was draped all across his chest and side. Like a long cat was snuggled against him, totally relaxed. The night was pleasant enough, since there were no nightmares or any other unpleasant emergencies, but waking up like this was simply divine.

Severus closed his eyes, and focused on the sensation of being so close. The arm guard was vibrating with joy, and his mind was completely at peace. This was the feeling he wanted and yearned for. It makes all the darkness of his past seem like it was just a bad dream. In this moment, he felt like he could live a normal life with normal things, as though he truly was reborn again.

It's been over half a year since they started on their journey, and Snape found he couldn't really relate to his bitter self anymore. Especially when he thought about Harry. He admits, he didn't know much about him at first, and thought many of the tales he heard were over exaggerated just to make his image more sympathetic. He never really believed he was the attention seeking boy he claimed before, but he did need the boy to dislike him just enough so that the Slytherin's who had Death Eater parents didn't become suspicious of him as he tried to protect the boy.

But the person in his arms right now was a young man, and he knows now just how difficult his life was. He's seen the scars with the stories he shared about his relatives and their 'care'. And through their many talks, he finally learned what happened to him during the times when he was alone with Quirrel in the secret room, alone with Tom Riddle's shadow in the chamber, alone with the hoard of Dementor's when they nearly kissed his godfather, alone in the graveyard when Voldemort was resurrected, and when Voldemort possessed him in the Ministry of Magic. He marveled at Harry's strength and perseverance. And with the help of his friends, he was able to stay positive. And now…

He reflexively drew his arms tighter as he thought about last night. He couldn't believe how far the curse was eating away at Harry's flesh. He wished he knew why. He wished Harry had told someone sooner. He wished he could've learned to let go of his past sooner. But as Harry said, it's foolish to wish things were different when they're clearly not. All Harry did was love him. And he'll do whatever it takes to be worthy of this gift.

He felt the body on top of him stir, and he immediately calmed his breathing, and pretended to still be asleep.

Harry felt fantastic. His chest didn't ache with the normal pain he felt in the mornings, and he felt indescribably comfortable and warm. As he grew more aware of his surroundings, he noticed he was propped up at a weird angle. Did he grab a pillow to cuddle in the middle of the night? No, it was too warm… A chilling realization hit him as he slowly opened his eyes. The first thing he could see in the morning light was a wide expanse of pale skin. He felt the mound rise and fall with steady breaths.

As he raised his head, he was beyond mortified that he apparently left his mouth open, and created a little pile of spittle on the smooth skin. Harry sheepishly and carefully wiped it away as his face overheated in embarrassment. He gently extracted himself from the constricted arms and took a second to gaze at the sleeping man. He seemed so relaxed and serene. Harry felt sad that this was merely an accident. He quietly retreated to the bathroom to check on his chest.

When Severus heard the door close, he couldn't help but snicker at the situation. Harry was so relaxed in his sleep, he actually drooled on him. Of all the things… Well, not every morning could be a picturesque romance. But it was still so real and domestic, that Severus wouldn't mind if he woke up with drool on him every morning if he could have Harry in his arms. He felt more refreshed than he had been in a long time. Thus is the power of a really good night's sleep.

He stretched, and got up. He decided to go back to his room to get a shower and get ready for the day.

* * *

Harry met up with him in the hall, still looking ashamed. "Are you alright?" Severus asked.

Harry couldn't help but feel sad when he came out of the bathroom to find it empty. He knew Severus probably left for his own room, but it made the night and the morning after seem like a hopeful dream. He thought of the suggestion of sharing a room, and at that moment, he wanted nothing more. "I think I'm ready to move on."

Not knowing Harry's thoughts, Snape was a little unnerved and confused. Did he mean he was leaving him behind or that he was thinking about doing something drastic… "What do you mean?"

"I was thinking about Egypt. You game?" Harry knew he confused the man, and it was amusing seeing the confusion written all over the normally stoic face.

Severus smiled. "Sounds great. We can plan the details over breakfast. But what about my earlier question?"

They started walking down the hall, "I'm alright. I think that other salve really helped. I might have been developing a tolerance to the other stuff, since it hasn't seemed to be working as well."

"I'm glad to hear that." He wanted to apologize for the umpteenth time, but stopped himself. "Let me know if there's any other symptoms, and I might be able to tweak the formula."

"Ever the most prepared." Harry teased. "Did you bring your whole potion brewing kit then?"

"And anything else that might be useful. I do brew potions in my spare time, you know."

"I would think you would be sick of potions with all the stupid students who can't even hold a stirring rod properly."

"I suppose that's why I do it in private. To reinvigorate my passion and interest. There's something rewarding about a properly brewed potion. Especially when getting it right is as important as life or death." He froze when he said that, and they stopped walking.

Harry noticed how tense the man was, and could guess what the cause was. He pulled the man to the side and spoke softly to him, "I understand what you meant. Most potions are meant to be consumed, and a wrong concoction can be more dangerous than simple poison. But I also know this situation is beyond frustrating for you as well. Despite what you say, you never had to do anything for me. You didn't have to help me. But I am beyond grateful and appreciative for everything you've done." Severus still looked like a sad puppy with those dark eyes. Harry felt a little impish, and decided to jolt Severus out of his funk. He grabbed his hand in both of his, and pulled him along, "Come on Sev! I'm hungry, and we deserve an extra fun day today!"

That did it. Severus's heart sang. No one had ever given him a nickname before. It was so personal and wonderful. He felt the youthful giddiness overshadow the sadness, and he followed after Harry with a little extra enthusiasm in his step and a large smile on his face.


	21. Something More

Within the next couple days, they ended up in Cairo. Harry was amazed at how easily they were able to fall back into a comfortable rapport with each other. He was delighted that Sev approved of the new name, and Harry could set aside the doubts as they went back to enjoying life. They ended up getting a room together with separate beds, but it was close enough for both of them. The two of them were as awkward as high school students who were just starting to go out. Harry would brush his hand against Sev's, or he would lightly squeeze his arm when he passed him, but they never did anything blatant.

Severus was enjoying the new development. Things were moving slow, but at least they could both be themselves. However, he was itching to move things along at least another inch. They barely share personal space, and they hadn't danced since the night of the big exposure. What he really wanted was to be able to share a bed again, as inappropriate as that sounds. He satisfies himself with watching Harry as he sleeps. Sometimes he would sit on his bed, and run his fingers through his hair. He would eventually return to his own bed, but it still felt too empty and cold.

One night, Severus heard Harry get out of bed. This was the third night in a row. Harry never said anything, and Severus always pretended to be asleep. But as he watched Harry slip out onto the balcony, Severus got up and poured two glasses of firewhiskey. He knocked on the door leading outside so as not to alarm Harry as he carried the drinks out.

Harry looked guilty, as though he was ashamed for disturbing the man. He took the drink with a quiet thanks, if only just to keep his hands occupied. They stood in silence as they looked out on the landscape. The air was still very warm even though the sun went down hours ago. Their hotel faced the Nile, and the water reflected the full moon overhead.

"What's troubling you?" Severus asked at last.

"The fact that I don't want to be trouble."

"By that, you mean you do not wish to trouble me when something is wrong."

Harry took a drink of the strong liquid. He didn't really like the taste, but he dealt with it in order to sort his thoughts. "It's just… I'm having trouble sleeping."

Severus knew that the vague answer was perhaps 10% of the reason for his concerns, but he simply replied with, "Me too." He set his drink down on the railing, and moved closer to Harry. He reached up and lightly pulled Harry into an embrace from behind. He rested his head on top of Harry's, and just held onto his tense form.

"You don't need to do that you know." Harry said as his eyes drifted closed, absorbed in the sensation.

"I know I don't, but it looked as though you needed it." He was never really touchy feely with other people, but when it came to Harry, Severus wondered if he ever really knew himself. He'd been so wrong about so many other things, it wasn't an inconceivable notion.

"Even if I need it, I don't want you to feel obligated to do it." Harry pulled away, and turned to look at the man. "I know you watch over me at night, and I know you sift your fingers through my hair. I know you say you have your own reasons for being here, but I can't help but think I am at fault for… everything. I know I may sound like I'm repeating myself, but it weighs me down, and I don't know how to feel or act or…"

Severus interrupted him by grabbing him and pulling him close. He maneuvered the two of them into a silent stance. He moved, and Harry followed. "I've learned to just take things in stride. Like you taught me. Just go with it. If you do not want me to do something, or it makes you uncomfortable, just say so, and I will stop."

Harry swallowed, nervous. "…But I don't want you to stop. That's the problem…"

Severus smiled into his hair. As Terry, he's been close to Harry for several months. As Sev, it's only been the better part of two weeks. The real question both of them were worrying about was, 'How do we go forward?' They both want the closeness, and the possibility to be more involved. But something unnamed stops them from taking the final plunge into the unknown. He brought his face close to Harry's. "Would it help you if I let you into my mind?"

Harry tensed. "You don't have to."

"There's a lot of things that I don't have to do. But that wasn't my question. Would it help ease your worries if I let you into my mind?"

"No, not now. Please. I appreciate the gesture, really. It's just that… I'm still trying to figure it out. This problem. The new salve appears to be working fine, but nothing I've done ever seems to heal it… And as grateful as I am for you being so patient and thoughtful… I don't know. I guess I'm just expecting you to become like your old self, get sick of the sight of me, and start ridiculing me, or…"

"Stop Harry." Sev said gently. "I've been angry most of my life. I'm rather enjoying the reprieve. I'm starting to find the validity in the phrase, 'it's the simple things in life you treasure.' And as for getting sick of the sight of you, I have never been sick of the sight of you, and I very much doubt I could be. Instead, I'd like to see you in different sights. Such as how your face lit up when we saw the Sphinx, or when you smiled looking at the baby doing a little dance on the street yesterday. Or how about when you sleep, and you're face is so peaceful. I haven't seen enough of these yet. I don't think I can get my fill on all the expressions you have to offer."

Harry smirked as they continued to move. "You know just what to say to raise my spirits up. Tell me, is this why you've been looming over my bed at night?"

Sev felt guilty. "Is that a problem? I'll stop if it is."

"No. I'll admit your fingers feel nice when they run through my hair. I think I sleep better during those nights when I feel your presence. I don't know why."

"Well at least you don't feel creeped out or disturbed."

Harry risked tightening his hold on the man a bit. "I don't think I can ever be creeped out or disturbed by you."

In that moment, Severus felt that bubbling feeling at the pit of his stomach. The kind that only Harry can produce nowadays. Such simple praise has such a surprising effect on him. He decided to make a ballsy suggestion. "If you're having trouble sleeping, would you like me to remain close until you fall asleep? No funny business. I swear."

"But that's the sort of thing I feel guilty over. I want to say yes, but I feel like I'm taking advantage of your kindness."

"What if I was to say that it would help me as well?"

Harry stared blankly at him. "… Then… I suppose it's alright then."

"Are you sure?" Sev smirked. It felt like he was teasing the poor young man. "You seemed to hesitate there." There was definitely a blush on Harry's face.

"No, I mean, yes! I mean… It's fine!" Harry pulled away, and went back inside, and burrowed under the covers. Severus brought their glasses in and closed the door. He walked around the other side of the bed, and like a snake, he flawlessly slinked in, hardly disturbing the covers or anything around Harry. Though Harry soon found himself encased in warm arms. One above the covers, and one buried under the pillows under his head. The hand on the quilt pulled him closer as though he was a large comfortable pillow.

"Is this alright? I can move if you want me to." Harry huffed a bit, because they both knew Harry didn't want the man to go anywhere. He was comfortable and warm, and he felt at ease. More so than what should be possible. It took no time for them to drift off into a pleasant slumber.

* * *

That evening, they decided to go on a Nile River Cruise. It was a formal affair, and it gave them an excuse to dress in their finest again. They listened to a live orchestra as they enjoyed their meal. The lights were dim, and the gentle sway of the ship was soothing.

Severus watched as several couples stood up in order to dance. He wished he could ask Harry, but that wouldn't be wise. They stayed aware of what was appropriate in the places they've visited. They felt comfortable in India, because even male friends were comfortable around each other to hold hands and be close, even though there was nothing intimate between them. The same was true here in Egypt. Male friends could hold hands, but any further displays of affection could land them in trouble with the authorities. He was pulled out of his thoughts when a woman approached their table. "Excuse me. I hope you don't mind my forwardness, but I was hoping I could interest you in a dance?" She was clearly directing all of her attention over to Harry.

Harry looked a little unsure of himself, and looked over at Severus for guidance. Severus just smiled and gave him a silent indication that he should go have fun. Harry awkwardly got up. "Yes, I'd be delighted actually." They went off, and Severus took a moment to simply admire Harry's form and stance as he took the lead. He felt himself blooming with pride that he was the one who taught him that. He sipped his wine and just enjoyed watching Harry move, and was calmed with the fact that he wasn't jealous in the slightest. It felt strange to be so sure that the young man indeed felt affection towards him and no one else. Even with such a lovely dark haired beauty in his arms.

It seemed as though everyone had a partner for the dance floor, and the tables were shifted by the staff so that there was more room for the dancers. Severus watched as several older men moved outside with their drinks to continue with their discussions. There was a table close to his where a charming young woman was watching the dancers with barely disguised envy. She was heavy set, but not overly made up. Her golden hair was a nice contrast to her tanned skin. There were three men at her table, and they were ignoring her. He could tell they knew each other, since they all teased with each other, perhaps a little too immature for this setting. She threw in a comment here and there, but mainly ignored them to watch the dancing.

Severus had enough. He's been there all too often. Included, yet ignored, and feeling trapped in a group, and simply wishing for some modicum of compassion. She was clearly convinced that no one would ever ask her to dance, and she was too proud to do the asking, for fear of surely being turned down one way or another. He finished his wine, got up, and calmly walked over to her. His posture was straight, and his head held high as he pulled together all his gentlemanly charm. "Do forgive me, but someone as lovely as you should be enjoying this evening to its fullest. Would you do me the honor of having this next dance?" He gave a slight bow, and held out his hand to her.

She desperately wanted to take it, but hesitated. She was blushing quite fiercely, and seemed like she couldn't speak. One of her companions spoke, "Hey man, you might want to be careful. She's got two left feet." His friends laughed. She looked mortified.

Severus kept eye contact with her, and didn't give any indication that he heard them. He spoke softer, just for her to hear. "Do not let the words of others drag you down. I will show you how to forget your fears."

She seemed mesmerized by his words, and finally accepted. He led her to the floor, and pulled her close. "Even if one did indeed had two left feet, that shouldn't stop them from cutting a rug if they so desired it."

She finally found her voice. "Well, they're partially right. I have stepped on their feet before, but only because they deserved it. And I'm afraid I haven't done anything like this before, so I apologize in advance."

"Just follow my movements and you'll be fine. And your friends look as though they could benefit from some manners."

"We're here on a college grant and our professor arranged for this dinner."

"Well then you'll certainly have some stories to tell when you get home. I'm on a trip as well. My partner and I are somewhat on a prolonged vacation."

"Are they here tonight?" She was not offended, just genuinely curious.

"He's dancing with that lady over there. You should have a turn with him as well. He's very light on his feet. I taught him everything he knows."

She thought for a moment. "Sad that you can't dance with him here. I know those guys would throw a fit."

Very perceptive, Severus thought. "It's fine. But the whole reason for the evening is to enjoy ourselves, meet new people, and live for life's wonders." He twirled her around, and effortlessly pulled her back into the stance. She was laughing and glowing with happiness.

Severus showed her a few different moves for the new dances that came on, and it was clear she was on cloud nine. They were disturbed out of their moment when they heard a heightened shriek, "Get the fuck out of here you fucking queer!" Severus turned just in time to see Harry get slapped across the face. Severus tensed, and resisted the urge to get involved. If Harry needed him, he would ask.

Harry straightened his jacket, and held his head high. "Madam, I have never once given you the impression I was interested in anything more than a dance. The fact that you hurt yourself with your own expectations is your responsibility, not mine. And right now, you are the one causing an unnecessary scene."

Sev's partner let out a bit of a smirk. "I can see you've been giving him lessons." Then she raised her voice. "What's the matter Tasha? Couldn't snag your young rich millionaire with your feminine whiles?" Around them, people started to laugh. The young Tasha stormed out of the room, and everyone went back to dancing. Harry came over and joined Severus and his partner. "I feel like I should apologize for her. She's been going on and on about how she was going to nab some rich guy at this party, and she saw your clearly tailored suit."

"Well too bad for her, I already have a man." They all laughed.

"Her unfortunate loss. Harry, might I present a more pleasing dance partner. She's been an absolute delight."

Harry smiled at her and kissed her hand before leading her into the next dance. Severus found a different partner, and rest of the evening passed in joyful music and movement.

* * *

"So what exactly happened that cause that shrew to strike at you?" Severus asked when they were in a taxi heading back to the hotel.

"Well, it started out innocently enough. She was telling me a bit about herself, and what she was doing at school, and I told her a bit about our journey. And then she started to make fun of that poor girl you were dancing with. I knew that if you chose to dance with her that she was alright in your eyes. She didn't take too kindly to that. I don't think she even recognized you as being at the table when she asked me to dance. She then tried to, I don't know, seduce me, or something. Rubbed her hands on my arms, moan in my ear a bit. I felt uncomfortable, and she was shocked that nothing she did was getting me riled up. She even tried inviting me to her room tonight, and I simply said that I wasn't interested.

I was waiting for the dance to end in order to have an excuse to leave. But it was clear she was irritated with you and your partner having so much fun out of dancing. She was jealous. And she made a throwaway comment that you two fit together. The sparrow and the whale, she said. And I told her that you already had a partner, and she said that it must be someone equally hideous. And that's when I told her that I was the hideous partner. She freaked out as though I was the most disgusting creature, and that she couldn't believe she showed any interest in me." Harry sighed. "You were right though, your partner was more fun to dance with." They laughed. That girl clearly became the envy of everyone in her group, and she was beaming with pride by the end.

Severus took Harry's hand, and gave it a squeeze as they rode on into the night.

* * *

They settled down for the evening, and decided to watch some ridiculous movie on the television as they cuddled in bed. Since they both had such a good night's sleep the night before, they felt no reason why they shouldn't do it again. Both of them loved the feeling of being so close to the other. Severus could feel Harry's warmth as he perfectly fit like a puzzle piece in front of him. He buried his nose in Harry's hair, and was lulled to sleep by the scent. Harry felt safe and content, and happier in this moment than he's ever been in his whole life. He smiled as he too drifted off, barely having enough energy to turn off the TV.

* * *

After Egypt, they made a big loop passing through Ethiopia, Kenya, Tanzania, and then they headed back to the north-west. By the time they hit Morocco, they were both quite sick of the warm climates. Their last city they visited was Casablanca. From there, they decided to change things up a bit, and bought tickets to go on a cruise to Iceland.

Harry stood at the bow of the ship and simply felt the spray of the water mist over his face. Neither one of them got sea sick, thankfully. But Harry knew Severus didn't like coming so close to the rail. He could feel the man behind him, and he reflected back on the last couple of months together. They were close, but still shy around one another. They have a bit of an unspoken agreement on just how far the cuddling should go. Harry was not going to push it, because being anywhere near the man was enough to be a dream come true. They still danced together on occasion. Mostly in the privacy of their room. Harry has not had an attack since that one dreadful night. His chest isn't really any better. It just itches like hell most nights now. He humors Severus by downing any concoction he presents to him, and using whatever 'medicine' he's created. He never argues with the man, because he knows he is trying his best in order to be helpful. Even if his efforts are in vain. If anything, Harry relishes the attention. Severus is so different from the man he was, he was hardly recognizable. But to Harry, he's still the man he knew he loved. He was simply more.

"Your skin is permanently going to smell of salt water if you keep hanging your head over the side like that." Sev called from behind him.

"Don't worry, I'll use plenty of shampoo tonight to get it out." Harry chuckled as he turned around. He watched Sev's hair flow in the wind. In the late afternoon sun, he looked gorgeous.

"What were you thinking about so intently over there?" Severus asked as he walked over.

"Everything and nothing I suppose. How about you?"

"I was wondering why there weren't more people on this ship. It sleeps 24 families and 12 couples, but I've counted perhaps a quarter of that, and they're all inside."

Harry allowed himself to be a little bold as he came up and hugged the man. "Then we have the whole deck to ourselves." He leaned in close, Severus swallowed a lump in his throat, as he was frozen in place. Harry brought his lips close to the shell of his ear, "Race you to the back of the ship!" With that, he was off like a flash. Severus hardly had time to recover before he was in hot pursuit.

"You're not supposed to run on deck Harry!" He called out to him.

"Well then, you better catch me!" Harry threw back.

Challenge accepted. Severus took the narrow paths that cut his time in half than the direction Harry went. Harry looked behind him to see if he could see where the man was. He wasn't there. He felt slightly disappointed that perhaps he went too far with his joke… until Severus appeared right in front of him out of nowhere, and caught him around the middle. Harry yelped in surprise, and laughed at being so tricked. "Well, I've caught you. What's my prize to be?"

It was here where the passage of time slowed to a crawl. The waves dimmed in the distance, and everything was shut out as the two looked into each other's eyes. There are moments in life that change the course of your destiny, and this was one of them. Neither one of them could calm their breathing as the adrenaline flushed their faces. Severus unconsciously brought his hand up to brush Harry's hair out of his eyes, but his hand lingered, keeping close to his cheek. Harry decided to take a chance, and risk everything on a gamble. He brought his own hand up in order to pull Severus's head towards his own, so that he could plant a soft kiss onto the man's lips. He backed off slowly, with some nervousness returning. "Was that alright?" It was probably foolish to ask that after the fact.

Severus's eyes were still closed, and his lips were still parted. Before Harry could get any more nervous, he felt Severus tighten his hold. "Do that again." He whispered breathlessly.

Encouraged, Harry brought them back together, and gently kissed the man's lips. They didn't respond to the tentative touches at first, but then they started moving in the same motions, almost testing… experimenting… Harry's mind went blank at the feeling as Severus increased the pressure, and soon they were both lost to a full blown snog.

A door opened nearby, and the two pulled apart at last. Their breathing was still erratic, but this time it was for a different reason.

Severus was the first one to speak. "Merlin! Why haven't we done that sooner?"

Harry laughed. "You tell me. I've been wanting to do that for years!"

Severus couldn't deny that. "My fault then. I was under the impression you still weren't ready."

"I've been ready ever since I found out who you were. Though I'm glad we've had time to grow accustomed to one another. I think I would have been a nervous wreck and had the coherency of a babbling idiot."

Since there still weren't people around them, Severus pulled him back close to his body and rubbed his nose against Harry's temple. "Thank you Harry. You truly are a gift."

Harry smiled, and cuddled close. "I should be thanking you. For your patience, and for everything. Everyday."

"Everyday." Severus repeated as they held each other in the light of the setting sun.


	22. Do You Want To Build A Snowman?

**Author's Note:** Sev finally gets a smoochy smoochety. ^_~ I kind of veered off my original outline, so I'm trying not to drag any part out too much. That's why I sort of rush through destinations, so that I can get on with the main story. I'm trying to keep interactions in different places fresh and unique. I'm really looking forward to writing the next chapter (could contain some yummy fluff), so I'll hopefully have it up soooooooon. Enjoy!

* * *

Upon reaching Iceland, they trekked their way north towards Akureyri. There, they were able to see the splendor of the Northern Lights. There were a few horseback riding trails, and a beautiful botanical garden. But something that was very high on Harry's list of things to try was skiing. They found a small resort, and thankfully it wasn't too crowded since it was still the off season.

They rented their gear, and hit the slopes. Severus was very weary of the whole idea, but he would indulge for Harry's sake. As they rode up the lift, Harry couldn't contain his excitement. But when he saw how nervous Severus was, he reeled in his enthusiasm. "We're going on the easiest coarse. If you don't like it, you don't have to continue." He gripped Sev's hand.

Sev squeezed his hand in response before letting out a big sigh. "I'm not sure what to expect. Right now, I'm a little more worried of the fact that there's no safety bar on this seat as we dangle 30 feet above the ground, and the chairs don't stop. Therefore, we have to move fast without falling, and these infernal things are crossing every which way with such a small movement of the foot."

"Just follow what the instructor said, and you'll be fine."

"Or I'll tumble and fall squarely on my arse."

"Well, if you get a boo boo, I'll kiss it better."

"Don't tempt me to get hurt on purpose for that sort of promise." Sev smiled.

Harry leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "Come on. You've always been naturally graceful."

Sev smirked, and gave Harry a small peck as thanks. It had been a couple weeks since their first kiss on the ship. Severus never thought of how liberating it was to be able to show affection to someone, simply because he could. It seemed as though another barrier between them had fallen, and they could enjoy each other's company with a little more spice. They kept things simple for now. Severus could tell that Harry was not ready for anything more intimate, and that was fine with him.

They approached the end of the lift, and got ready to disembark. As soon as Severus felt the mound of snow under his feet, he pushed off from the seat, and glided out of the way. Thankfully, neither one of them had fallen, so they concluded that the lift was now a piece of cake. Severus marveled at that logic for a bit. Not five minutes ago, he was nervous about what happened at the end, and it was easier than he thought it would be to just do it. Like how he went on this chase and followed Harry. Look at them now. Severus was happier than he's ever been in his life, and it's all thanks to the young man who unintentionally pulled him out of his shell.

They started down the hill, making large sweeps, not going too fast as they gradually got used to the movement. They got used to the speed, and enjoyed feeling the cold wind on their faces. Harry got a sudden urge for the need for speed like he did riding a broomstick. Merlin how he missed flying! He didn't realize it until he felt the rush. He decided to straighten his decent so as to gain more velocity. His heart was racing, and his breath heated his face. He was about to slow down when out of nowhere, a couple of teenagers cut off his path. Not being able to move away properly, his skis got tangled up and he tumbled tail over tea kettle down the rest of the hill.

Severus knew Harry could handle the fast speed since he's able to ride the fastest model broomstick ever invented, but he saw how those teenagers cut Harry off on purpose. He quickly memorized the attire of the three members as he sped off to help Harry who landed in a graceless heap, and was as helpless as a capsized turtle. "Are you hurt?" Severus asked worried.

Harry coughed, trying to get air back into his lungs, "Only my pride." Severus helped Harry right himself, and brushed off the extra snow. When Harry reclaimed his poles, he smiled, "Wanna go again?"

Severus just marveled at him, "Nothing phases you does it? You get knocked down and you just keep going."

"That's just life Sev. It's more fun that way." With that, he rubbed his nose against the other man's and set off to get back in line for the lift.

Severus could see the perpetrators ahead of them in the line. They were all boys, goofing off and being obnoxious, and Severus felt the need to teach them a little lesson. He kept his wand in his sleeve, and waited for the opportune moment as they took their turn getting on the lift.

"Do you mind if I try one of the harder courses? I really want to try out the moguls!" The excitement was back in Harry's face.

Severus couldn't help but reciprocate the overly infectious smile, "Feel free to do what you want. I may just stick to the easy courses for now. If we get separated, let's meet each other in the main lounge."

"Hmm. Sounds wonderful. I could definitely do with some hot chocolate after this."

"And a big comfortable couch with warm dry clothes in front of the fireplace?"

Harry's eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head. "Merlin, that shouldn't sound so sinful, but somehow, coming from you…"

Severus chuckled. "Just imagine how I could be when I actually do become sinful." He wiggled his eyebrows at Harry in suggestion.

Harry turned red from the blatant suggestion, "Gods, good thing we're already in the cold, otherwise, I think I could do with a shower."

When they disembarked, Harry split off to head down the harder coarse. Severus searched the area for the individuals and found them heading down the hill together. Casting a quiet potrificus totalis, he watched as all three of them froze on the spot, and sped off in different directions, unable to steer or stop. Eventually, one hit a tree, one hit a post, and one fell the entire way down the hill. Severus could tell they'll all be fine, but will hopefully think twice the next time they try to pull their little stunts.

* * *

After several more rounds on the slopes, Harry was feeling a bit tired. He hadn't seen Severus for a while now, and was almost sure the man had retreated indoors. He was about to head towards the main building but he stopped his trekking when he heard a cry not far in the distance. With his curiosity piqued, he took off his skis and followed it. He followed the crying to a bunch of trees where he found a pink bundle all curled up. "Hello? Hey there. Are you alright?" Harry gently called.

The sniffling stopped, and the small figure curled in even more, trying to become invisible among the trees.

Harry knelt down, but kept his distance. "My name's Harry. What's yours?"

The pink bundle lifted its ear muffed head. Tiny white mittens wiped away the tears. And more sniffling ensued before a quiet answer, "Susy…" She couldn't have been more than six.

"Why are you here crying by yourself Susy?"

"My brother and his friends left me behind."

"That wasn't very nice of him."

"He said if I was going to be a scared little baby, then I can just go stay with the other babies. I didn't like it in there, so I left. But now I can't find anyone."

"Would you like me to help you find your brother?"

"You're a stranger. I was told never to go with strangers."

"And that is very good advice. Would you like me to go get someone who works in the building?"

Susy looked afraid for a moment. "They'll call my Dad, and I'll get in trouble."

As her head raised up, Harry could see a purple mark on her neck, just underneath her strawberry blonde braids. Harry was starting to get a picture of what was going on. He sat down, and made himself as unthreatening as possible. "Is your Dad kinda scary?"

She nodded tentatively, "He gets mean when he gets mad."

"What about your Mom?"

More tears were wiped away. "… She works."

"She… doesn't know?"

"They say I'm not to bother her. She keeps us fed…"

It was almost as though Harry could hear everything she wasn't saying. She was supposed to keep quiet so that the Dad could get away scot-free. "What about your brother?"

"He's the favorite. Good at sports, good at school, good at everything. I'm the mistake."

Harry felt torn. He wanted to phone up the mother and tell her to wise up, and he wanted to hunt down the father, and give him something worth crying about. He couldn't leave her alone, and he felt an overwhelming urge to protect her. At the moment, he couldn't leave her alone. "You know, I grew up thinking I was a mistake. For eleven years, I felt very alone. No one understood me. Both my parents were gone, and my Uncle and his family kept me in a closet under the stairs. But as I grew up, I realized that I wasn't a mistake. I was different. I was special. And I was just living with people who couldn't see that. And that makes me feel sorry for them being so narrow minded that they couldn't see what I was capable of. In the end, I'm traveling the world and having great adventures, and they are still back in their tiny house, in their tiny world, and they are simply sad."

She gave a tiny smile but didn't know how to respond.

"Tell you what. Since we should wait until your Dad and brother come, how about we build a snow man! I've never been able to build one before. Wanna help me?"

She brightened at the idea. "Yeah!"

Harry knew that she was still wary about him being a stranger. But when you've been talking with a stranger for more than fifteen minutes, and they appear to be kinder than your own parents, then it's hard for any six year old to value 'stranger danger'. Harry had a plan though. He was going to wait until someone found them. Depending on who comes first will determine how it will play out.

* * *

By the time they had 3 snow men up, or more like 3 smooshy blobs in the vague shape of men, a group of 5 boys came around the corner. "There you are! What are you doing out here! You were supposed to stay in the day care room with the babies!" The youngster stopped short when he looked at Harry.

"Am I to understand that you claim responsibility for this girl?"

"Well… yeah."

"Then where were you?"

"I was…" Clearly he couldn't give a good answer.

"Did you properly sign her in to the day care center, or did you just leave her by the door?" During their time together, he was able to get some more facts out of her.

"I… signed her in…?"

"Is that a question or a statement?" Harry crossed his arms looking down at their guilty faces.

"A statement." He tried.

"Oh, really. Because it's common practice for a legal guardian or someone over 18 to sign someone into the day care center." He didn't know if that was true, but he kept up the intimidation to prove a point.

"I… They made an exception for us." The others nodded as though their word would be enough.

Harry glared at them, clearly not buying it. "Did you know I found your sister by herself crying in the cold? Do you have any idea how scared she was? Do you realize what might have happened because of your thoughtlessness? You're the older one, therefore, you have responsibilities. Where is your father?" The boy flinched, and it didn't go unnoticed by Harry.

"Inside… Probably at the bar…" So he gave up trying to lie.

"What's your name?"

"Billy…"

"And your friends?"

"Max, Dan, Cody, and that's Clark." He pointed.

"Was this a special trip?"

"My mom got us all tickets for my birthday that was a couple days ago. She couldn't come because she had work. Dad… he didn't want to come…"

The picture was becoming clearer in Harry's mind. But he was knocked out of his thoughts when one of the others piped up. "Oh my God! You're not… no way!" Max was bouncing up and down. He was on Harry's right. The excited boy was pulling his friends' sleeves. "It's _him_ man! The living legend himself!"

The others stared at Harry for a moment before they all could see it too. The faint outline of a lightning shape bolt on his forehead. All of a sudden, they all started talking at once, and crowded Harry. Since it had been so long since he was recognized, Harry felt a bit overwhelmed at all the attention. He held up his hands trying to calm them down. The last question he could make sense was, "Why did you disappear?"

Harry sighed, and gave in, "I've just been trying to live my life now that the war is over."

Billy's attitude had switched to excitement, "I go to Hogwarts next year. Wait until I tell everyone we saw you!"

Harry tried to keep his voice calm, "If you could do me a favor, and keep it to yourselves. At least for now. I'd like to enjoy being incognito for now. I have a book that I will publish, and I'll give you all a mention in it, how about that? When it gets published, then you can brag all you want."

They cheered, and Susy looked at him with new awe since he's supposed to be famous. She was thankfully too young to remember much of the war, but she had her own problems. "Billy, come here." Billy separated from his group as the others whispered amongst themselves. "Explain to me the situation with your father?"

Billy felt nervous and guilty once more, "I know I shouldn't have left my sister alone. I was angry and frustrated, because this was supposed to be my birthday party with my friends. But she couldn't stay home, because Mom had work. And Dad… he told us not to bother him until it was time to go."

Harry crouched down, and beckoned Susy closer. "Have you noticed the marks on your sister's neck?"

"She falls a lot." He said, confused as to why the change in subject.

"With all of our natural reflexes, there's no way this amount of bruising comes from any kind of fall. How do you think she gets so many?"

Harry waited until he could see Billy put two and two together. "I just… I guessed that things were different. Like boys versus girls, and how to act around each… I just thought Dad showed a different kind of affection that he doesn't show to me."

"Do you see now why it's so important to protect your sister? Dangers could lurk closer than you realize."

Billy looked ten times as guilty now, and quite on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry Susy…"

She nodded in recognition.

"Why does your Mom work so much?"

"It's so that we both can go to Hogwarts when the time is right. But our Dad… the war was tough on him, and he ends up spending a lot of what she earns."

"When do you guys have to leave?"

"In three hours."

"I have an important mission for you Billy, and I hope you don't fail me."

"Yeah?"

"When you get home, I want you to tell your Mom about what your Dad does. He either needs help, or some other measure needs to be taken. Keep an eye on your sister when that happens just in case. Also, I want you to write a message to Dumbledore."

"The Headmaster himself?!" Billy was shocked at the idea.

"Yes. It's very very important. Tell him you ran into me. Use these words… Are you listening carefully?" Billy nods, "Say, 'I know about the locket, and the two of us are together.' He'll know what it means. Also, explain your situation with him. He might be able to work something out with your mom. You're doing him a favor in delivering a message from me, so he'll want to thank you in some way."

With the serious discussions out of the way, the boys joined them in the making of weirdly shaped snow people. It was like a physical form of cloud watching, trying to reconcile shapes in the mounds of snow they created. After a short while, those mounds became forts as a snowball fight broke out. Susy and Harry were on a team against the other boys, and balls of snow were let loose across the cold battlefield.

* * *

Severus was about to call it an evening when he heard a familiar voice in the distance. When he drew closer to a secluded part of the resort, he first found Harry's skis, and then he found the young man himself as he was ducked behind a pathetically misshaped mound handing snowballs, one right after the other to a little girl who was springing up and down behind the blockade, striking like a python.

"I leave you alone for a few hours, and you end up in the middle of another war."

Harry looked over and smirked. "Well, we could use some backup over here."

"No thanks. I'd much rather prefer to keep my breeches free from melting snow." No sooner does he say that when a stray snow ball hits him squarely upside the head.

Harry couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out. He couldn't help it. If the situation was normal, than these kids would be facing a year's worth of detention for daring to sucker punch the dreaded Potion's Master with snow. He got a little worried at the glare Sev had as he brushed snow out of his face, but now, he was looking at the other five children as though silently saying, 'It is on!'

And that is where Hell really froze over, when Harry watched Severus Snape, a man who was both Spy and Savior and was once the dour and stoic man with a guarded heart, and not a care in the world… openly laughing and having genuine fun with children of all things. It was both endearing and adorable. Among the happiness he felt at that moment, he couldn't help but marvel at how great Severus would be as a Father… He shook his head out of that thought, and focused back on the icy battle at hand.


	23. Heart To Heart

**Author Note:** Here be fluff, next chapter may have some more spice...

* * *

When Harry drifted to consciousness, he was too comfortable to even think about moving. He was draped across Sev's chest, and felt the man's arms encasing him in a gentle hold. It was bliss. He allowed himself to relax and just think. He thought about their time with the kids yesterday, and marveled at how alive Severus looked as he pelted ten year olds with snowballs, and getting pummeled in the process by children who had pretty good aim.

When they finally had to go, he made sure Billy remembered the message he was supposed to send to Dumbledore. This worked in his favor in a couple different ways. It gave Dumbledore an update on himself and Severus. And the vague message will be a tease for him, because Harry knew the man would want more details. It was part punishment for tricking him with the locket. But also, it would give Dumbledore an unspoken message to look into Billy's family. Since Harry allowed himself to be revealed to this child, then there would have to be something more. Harry could have always sent an owl to give the man a random update. Severus admitted that he wasn't in touch with the man. He only said he would appreciate some updates, not that it was required, as though he was treating this as an assignment like back when Severus was a spy. Severus said he wanted to be completely detached from that part of his life, so he chose not to contact Dumbledore unless something was really wrong. So coming back to Billy, Dumbledore will look after him and his family, and make sure they get what they need whether it's help with tuition, or help with their father.

When Harry told Severus, he could see that Sev wanted to track the man down and give him a piece of his tortured mind. But when Harry explained his plan to tell Dumbledore, Severus admitted how clever it was by kissing Harry on the nose. They were both so tired from the day's exertions that they decided to call it an early night.

When he felt movement under him, he could tell that Severus was waking up. He tightened his hold on the man to let him know he too was awake. He felt the responsive tightening of the arms around him. "Morning." He said quietly.

"I never pictured myself being at a point in time, when I could wake up anytime I wished, because there was nothing pressing or immediate that had to get done that day or the next." The speech was somewhat slurred due to not being fully awake yet.

"I never thought I could find a cure for chronic nightmares."

"That too. And what a delightful cure it is."

"Hmm, I agree. Any idea of what you'd like to do today?"

"Not until I have some tea to wake up my brain."

They moved to get up, but then Harry cringed in pain. "Ow! Oh damn, that hurts!"

Severus was instantly worried. "What is it? Your chest?"

Harry had his eyes shut tight. "For once, no. But everywhere else… Oh Gods…"

Severus understood now, and couldn't help but chuckle a tiny bit. "You didn't stretch your muscles before bed, did you?"

Harry shook his head. "No. Was too tired."

"And now you're sore." Severus stated.

"In places I never even knew existed. Quiddich was never this bad."

Severus chuckled again, as he gently got up to rifle through his bag. He came back with a couple vials, "Here. Drink these, and I'll draw you a hot bath. I think we should just take it easy today." He left to fill the tub, and monitor the temperature.

Harry felt foolish that he didn't realize what kind of toll his body would encounter after a whole day of bent knees, hard landings, and pure recklessness. He now felt like a crick and crack old man, and Severus was once more taking care of him. He felt bad, but a bath sounded heavenly at the moment.

Severus came back and helped Harry slowly enter the bathroom. Harry kept the door unlocked, but as soon as his chilled skin touched the water, he was in ecstasy and agony. He slowly lowered himself as the water was enveloping him in a soothing embrace.

Harry stayed in there until his hands were beyond pruned. He felt a little more invigorated when he was able to pull himself out. He was still pretty sore, but at least it was bearable for now.

When he walked out into the main room, he noticed Severus sitting on the loveseat by the fireplace that Severus must have recently lit. But what was off about the room was the small narrow cot resting by the wall near the door. "How are you feeling now?" Severus asked, putting down his book.

"Warm, and a little looser. Thank you. What's with the cot?"

Severus got up and walked over to it, pulling it more towards the center of the sparse room. "I ordered it from room service. Go ahead and lie down. I plan on giving you a full body massage." Harry was about to open his mouth when Severus cut him off. "And not a word from you. I know I don't _have_ to do this, and that you're _fine_ , but I expect you to just say 'thank you', and take what you can get." Severus teased.

Harry grumbled a bit, but said, "Thank you. Most wonderful god among men." They both smirked as Harry took off his robe, climbed onto the cot in just a towel and laid his head on his hands. Severus pulled out some oils of his own design, and proceeded to work out Harry's sore muscles.

Harry thought the bath was invigorating, but this was sublime. Years of tension were gently being kneaded away by skillful hands. And oh, what those hands can do… Harry couldn't help the little noises of satisfaction as they came through his throat.

Severus had never done this for anyone before, but seeing Harry's reaction to his ministrations made him think about making this a habit for the two of them. He moved almost in a trance like state as he concentrated on his task. It also gave him an opportunity to marvel at Harry's form. He could see the various scars that were inflicted either from Quiddich, the war, or his abusive relatives. Yet still, his skin was beautiful. Not too pale, but not overly tan. He was slim, but the years of proper nourishment helped build up his muscles. He paid equal amounts of attention to the arms and legs, never letting his hands stray too close to… certain areas.

Harry noticed this too, and couldn't help but wonder. He rose up to grasp the man's hand and attention. Severus stopped his ministrations, and gave Harry his full attention.

Harry felt a little exposed, since he was only in a towel. He didn't know how to start this conversation, since it was a new experience for him. He swallowed and pulled Severus closer in order for him to sit down next to him on the cot as Harry sat up completely to face him.

Severus could tell from the look in Harry's eyes that what he wanted to talk about was incredibly personal, and he was feeling nervous and shy. The adorable blush confirmed it. Severus brushed Harry's cheek with his thumb as he held the side of Harry's face. Harry leaned into the touch, but still couldn't speak. Severus kissed his forehead, and rested his head against Harry's. The gesture calmed Harry down, but Severus decided to speak for him. "You're wondering about the next step, aren't you?"

Harry couldn't deny it. "I know we tease about it sometimes, but I just… It's all so strange."

Severus chuckled, "Harry, of course it's strange. It's been strange since we started this journey. Last year, would you have been able to picture us at this moment?"

"Only in my most wild and outlandish dreams. Even then, I never dared to hope."

"We've come so far. I feel as though the last 30 years were nothing more than a bad dream. I don't even think about the war anymore."

"Me too. But part of me still wonders if I'm just being selfish. Do you remember the Ballet we went to in Moscow?"

"Of course."

"Well, there was a phrase in the program, when Peer Gynt is supposed to reveal his list of sins or else be melted down into nothingness. The quote they wrote was for when he said, 'Where has Peer Gynt been since we last met? Where was I as the one I should have been, whole and true, with the mark of God on my brow?' If that was what was happening in the end when he was crying against his lover's lap, it seemed as though he died. I never asked this before, but did he repent? Was he being too selfish, being driven by the means to his own end that he didn't care for anything else? I think of it now, with the words you said that night. That he needed to provide proof of a time when he was himself. I tried to think that I was just going to be Harry until the end. But I've only been doing frivolous fancies, only really thinking about myself. And even now, you're here, and I don't know if I am that Harry anymore."

Severus could see that he had been thinking about this for some time, and he knew Harry kept that program as a souvenir. "Harry, like many plays, the ending is left open to individual interpretation. Like poetry, you can shape it to fit what you want the message to say in the most optimistic or pessimistic form. First of all, to be clear on that ending, Solveig, his lover, didn't need to forgive him for his many sins, because she didn't think he's ever sinned. That's where his quote comes into play. But her response to him is, 'In my faith, in my hope, in my love.' To her, he has been his true self all along. And she accepted how he was, no matter what he did. Sure, he was a flake for leaving the poor woman alone for all those years, and she is a bit of a fool for not finding a better man." They both laughed, "But that's the romantic notion. Someone can be the most selfish person in the world, and it's still possible for someone to love them just the way they are, whether they deserve it or not. People change, but that doesn't mean they are anything less than themselves. As such, I see nothing of Peer in your actions. You've always been Harry. You have done all you can for the future of the world, and it's not an inconceivable or ridiculous thought to believe that you are simply retired from the world saving business and have taken to traveling." Harry smiled fondly at him.

Severus lowered his hand to gently brush the scabbed over X mark on Harry's chest. "In my opinion, you are more like Solveig. You looked at a man, and you saw everything people didn't see. Despite everything, through all the darkness, anger, despair… you decided to give your love to a man at the expense of your own future. It is I who am the lowly Peer who begs for forgiveness at your feet for my many sins. Unlike Peer, I wasn't 'myself'. I was the one who was more troll than man. At least not the self I wished to be. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would change so many things. But as you said, wishing things were any different was a fool's wish. And my list of sins are many…"

Severus looked back into Harry's eyes that were misting over with accumulating tears. "I know you've been worried that I'm only doing the things I do in order to 'humor' you. We both know the situation, and choose not to mention it. But believe me when I tell you this… I never once thought that someone could ever truly need me. Not like during the war when so much was expected. But needed in the sense that it was just… me. No strings attached, no arrangements, no exchange of favors. We just are. And it's liberating. This feeling of belonging… it's a blessedness I've never known. And it's because of you." He brushed away a few of Harry's tears. "Though, being an old cynical man leaves me ill prepared for the intimate details of what is considered 'alright' in our situation. Let me ask you this. Have I, even once, ever done something you were uncomfortable with?"

Harry thought for a moment. "Before I exposed your secret or after?" He said cheekily. Severus rolled his eyes in good humor. "Honestly? No. You've been nothing but wonderful! I never expected any of this. I mean, even yesterday. I never thought I'd ever see you be so involved in a snow ball fight among other things."

"Me neither. But that just proves how much you do for me. You allow me to be myself, and let me test the waters. Since we've been together, you've never been judgmental, disapproving, and you've allowed me to explore my own nature, such as now. I wanted to do these things for you because I like caring for you, and no other reason. Being with you… chases away everything that's bad about me, and I don't feel broken around you. I have no idea what you saw in me when you first had feelings, but I only hope that you approve of the man I'm becoming through your care and influence. In a way, you have helped me become myself, whole and true, through your faith, hope, and love."

Harry couldn't hold back. He put his arms around Severus's neck and held him tight as he cried and tried to speak. He could feel Sev's hands moving soothing circles across his back as he held him equally tight. "Forget being a babbling idiot, it seems I always become a crying mess when we get serious." The laughing helped keep more tears at bay. "We're all broken in some way, but they say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and to me Severus, you're perfect. You've always been perfect to me." He ran his fingers through the man's hair as he continued to cling to him. Finally, he pulled away to let the man breathe a bit. There were no tears, but there were traces of liquid pride in Severus's eyes. "Thank you. Though this wasn't exactly where I was aiming for this conversation to go…" The embarrassment was back.

This time Severus blushed. "You were leading it up to the point of wondering why I haven't had my wicked way with you yet?"

Harry wondered if it was possible for his face to explode.

Severus laughed softly, "Harry, if you haven't noticed, we've really been following your lead. First with sharing a bed, and then with kissing. I was waiting for you to pounce, so to speak." Severus was having too much fun with this. "However, I have needed to readjust myself in the mornings a couple times after a rather suggestive or scintillating dream."

Harry buried his face into Sev's shoulder. He couldn't help but laugh at how this has quite beautifully ruined the serious moment they were having a few minutes ago.

"Like I mentioned before, I didn't want to do something you'd be uncomfortable with. I'm perfectly capable of keeping my hands to myself, so to speak. So long as I can hold you, I am quite content."

Harry nearly snorted, "Well, now that we've had that perfectly awkward conversation while I'm scantily clad in a towel… probably not the best time to bring it up, but I was rather preoccupied when a certain someone was doing the most wonderful things to my body." He allowed his voice to drop a little. "I knew your hands were magical."

Severus shuddered and suppressed a groan. Just because he was a gentleman, doesn't mean he wasn't sorely tempted with the alluring proximity of flesh. "Now that's just playing dirty."

"Turn about is fair play my dear Severus. If you'll excuse me, I should probably get some pants on." Harry moved to get off the cot.

"One moment Harry." Severus got up and pulled Harry into a proper kiss. "All teasing aside Harry, we'll cross those bridges in due time."

"It's more like… I'm concerned. I know we've taken things slow, and I love where we are right now… but what if…"

Severus put his fingers to Harry's lips. "No. No 'what if's'. We've been doing fine trying to keep possible futures from distracting us from enjoying our time in the now. And if you're worried about this," He gently traced the X, "Don't be. It's been stagnant for some time now. And I would not let it stop me from becoming more intimate with you." He kissed Harry gently again. "Go get dressed into something comfortable, I'll order us some food, and we can spend some time in front of the fireplace."

Harry thought it sounded perfect. "Gods, I love you…" Harry said, pulling the man in for another hug.

Severus squeezed back. "And I adore you."


	24. His Old Self

**Author's Note:** Warning! Warning! Here be lemon zesty smuttiness! It's nothing too bad. It's actually pretty mild. I'm not used to writing such intimate scenes, so sorry if it's awkward or bad. More intense smut later to come.

* * *

Harry woke up to the sound of someone retching in the bathroom, and was awake in an instant when he didn't feel Severus next to him. He got up and walked over to the light under the door. The retching continued, and Harry grew concerned. He knocked gently on the door, "Sev…? Are you alright?"

After some spitting, a response finally came, "It's alright, Harry. I'll be out in a moment."

"Can I get you anything."

"No, thank you. I'll be alright."

Harry waited for Severus to be finished. They were in Toronto as their starting point for visiting the western side of the Atlas. Harry looked out his window at the nighttime city lights as his mind started to wonder how on earth Severus got sick. The man had a potion for everything, so this was a little unsettling. Maybe it was just a stomach bug from something he ate recently. Harry was about to knock on the door again when the man finally came out. He had washed himself, and brushed his teeth, but he looked awful. Too pale, even in the dark light, and even his eyes had circles.

"What happened?" Harry asked. The concern was back.

"Harry… come and sit."

Harry stiffly moved as he tentatively sat next to Severus on the bed. They weren't touching, just facing each other.

Severus took a few breathes before speaking. "Harry… I think… I will need to stop using the aging potion… I've been using it for much longer than I anticipated, and now my body is rejecting it completely. This is why a potion like this was never marketed. It's too temporary, and the effects for prolonged use are unknown."

Harry was a bit confused. "If it's harming you, then I don't want you to take it anymore either." He took Sev's hand, and he could feel how clammy it was.

Severus shook his head, "You must understand. My system will need to go through a detox to purge any harmful effects. Think of a drug addict going off of drugs and the symptoms of withdrawal. It won't be as bad as that. More like… an extreme case of influenza. The problem is that it will take some time, and I can't take any painkillers or other potions of any kind."

"How long are you saying…?"

"A week, maybe two…"

"… Okay…"

"My question is, would you like to get your own room? I doubt I'll be pleasant company through this, and I don't know how bad it's going to get."

"Would I get sick too?"

"No, this is not a virus."

"Then I don't want to go anywhere."

Severus looked worried. "Harry, I don't know what's going to happen, and I don't want to wake you up every night with constant problems. I won't be able to go anywhere during the day, and I don't want to keep you from exploring."

Harry combed his fingers through Severus's hair. "Even now, you're still worrying about my wellbeing. Severus, I don't want to leave you alone when you could use my help. I don't mind a few sleepless nights. I'd probably be awake with worry anyway if I was in a different room. You've been so wonderful, being there in my time of need. Please let me be there for you."

Severus smiled and kissed Harry's hand, "Even if you wake up next to an old man one morning? You might go screaming for the hills."

"I could say something incredibly inappropriate for that."

"Well now you have me curious."

Harry blushed a bit. "Well, you could have me scream for an entirely different reason…"

Severus groaned at that thought. They've done a little bit of exploring, trying to get used to the idea of being intimate with one another, but Severus has needed quite a few cold showers after such make out sessions.

"The outside world isn't going anywhere, and I don't want to explore without you."

"Just promise me that if it gets too much that you'll leave. At least until it's over."

"I promise, though you know how stubborn I can be."

"How could I forget?" Severus's expression shifted as he continued to look into Harry's eyes. "So… you'd be alright? With me looking… as I did before? I'll need to use glamours to hide from any wizards, but…"

Harry fixed him with an annoyed scowl, "Do I really need to point out how dumb that question is?"

"I have to ask Harry. Please humor me. I know you're used to this face, but what about when we go out in public, and everything it entails?"

"You mean what will people think when they look at us? I thought that was your fear."

"In truth, it is… But Harry… This is a hurdle we haven't crossed yet…" Harry held up his hand to shush him.

"Just as you reassure me at every turn we take, I'm the one telling you now. Nothing will change between us. And if it makes you feel any better, since we have gotten so close, I have been looking forward to certain things, such as your height. You're normally a good few inches taller than you are now. I keep thinking about us dancing, or sleeping with those extra inches on you. You're a dream come true for me Sev, in any form. Just roll with it."

Severus smiled, "Thank you Harry, I needed to hear that. Alright then. The potion will wear off in a few days. I think we should do some shopping to keep us occupied for a couple weeks. But I suggest trying to get a few more hours of sleep." Severus slept on top of the covers since he felt a little overheated. Harry lay behind him and brushed the man's hair away from his neck. He waited until he could sense the even breathing indicating that the man had fallen asleep before he let himself dose off as well.

* * *

The hotel they were staying in provided a little kitchenette, so Harry bought some things to cook some easy meals. Severus used the spare room to set up a temporary potions lab so that he didn't feel utterly useless sitting around all day. Harry bought a few books that he had been curious about. It was interesting to see what muggle author's did when they pictured a world of magic when there was one right under their noses.

Severus was a wreck. He holed himself up for most hours in the makeshift lab, but when he was too tired to concentrate, he would spend time with Harry. Harry would have Severus rest his head in his lap as he stroked his hair, on he would rub the man's stockinged feet.

Harry would make him tea or soup, and Severus would tease him about being the domesticated housewife, causing Harry to blush. Harry would rub his shoulders if he were standing too long, and make sure he had plenty of fresh shirts and towels if he sweat profusely.

Severus marveled at how well Harry took care of him. He wasn't overly helpful, he gave him space, but he was there at the drop of a hat if Severus asked for something. Such caring was… fascinating for him, and it made the pain more tolerable.

One morning, the cramping didn't stop. He locked Harry out of the bathroom, because he could feel it. His body was changing, and shifting itself back into its original form. It was a long and painful process, like when a limb falls asleep and circulation is poured back into it, resulting in the most uncomfortable tingling sensation. Only it was Severus's whole body that was feeling the burn, and it was agonizing. He was glad he put a silencing charm on the bathroom, because he was screaming as he would under the cruciatus curse. He had no idea how much time had gone by when the pain finally ebbed.

He took a bath to sooth his aching muscles, and finally had a look at himself in the mirror. The scowl was back, and the nose was more defined. The hair was straight and greasy looking once more as it rested at his shoulders. He wasn't scrawny. He's been fairly athletic his whole life, not for sports, but for staying alive as a Death Eater. The armguard had readjusted itself to his larger arm once more, and he was pale, but not pasty.

He put on his robe, and finally exited the bathroom. He saw Harry sitting patiently on the bed. "Have you been waiting this whole time?"

Harry nodded softly. He was on the verge of tears.

"The difficult part is done. It's all downhill from here… Are you alright?"

Harry bit his lips before he responded. It was clear he was trying to keep his voice steady. "I should be asking you that… You um… you didn't…" Harry took a breath. "You didn't cast the silencing charm correctly."

Cold realization dawned on Severus. Harry was forced into hearing everything…

"I put one on the room in general so that we wouldn't get in trouble with the building managers, but…"

 _But a charm only works inside the closed off area with the source, and can't be blocked from the outside…_ Severus finished in his mind. "I am so sorry, Harry."

Harry stood up. "Don't apologize. I just… I couldn't do anything. I know you wouldn't have wanted me to unlock the door, and I couldn't help you through the process, and all I could do was just… sit and wait."

Severus was sorry he put Harry through that, but he couldn't help but feel charmed at the concern. It was just Harry being Harry, and Severus allowed himself to feel incredibly lucky.

"You look amazing, by the way." Harry smiled.

Severus was a little thrown off by the compliment. His looks have been labeled as a lot of things, 'amazing' has never been one of them. Especially in a bathrobe. "I take it you approve?"

Harry wrapped his arms around the man and gave him a gentle hug. He wanted to be careful of Severus's sore limbs. His head barely touched Severus's chin as he was able to rest his head completely on the man's shoulder. "Hmm. I thought we fit well together before, but now you're perfect…"

Severus returned the embrace, and couldn't help but agree. They fit into each other in a way they couldn't describe, and Severus felt a weight lift off of his heart. He knew Harry approved of his looks before, even if he didn't believe it. But the more time he spent with Harry, the more he realized that the things that someone may not like about themselves, other people could admire and adore. Harry certainly made him feel better about his nose in general.

* * *

The next couple of days were the epitome of laziness. Severus was over the hunch of his sickness, and pestered Harry that he didn't need a mother hen. But Harry did things with more flare, to both flatter and annoy Severus. Like a kiss on the cheek when he passes him his tea. Or a kiss on the shoulder when passing by the man in the lab. Or when he would rub the man's shoulders and embrace him from behind over the back of the couch.

Severus tried to give as good as he got, such as string kisses along Harry's neck when he was hovering over the stove. Or when he attacked him in the morning with a flurry of kisses all over the face, leaving Harry in a ridiculously giggling mess.

Harry wondered if this is what being on a Honeymoon felt like, but quit that train of thought as soon as it passes, since they were neither married, and they have not even come close to consummating such a union.

One night, when they were both reading on the couch, Harry was draped over Severus's knees. Severus absentmindedly was rubbing Harry's back, as though he were a cat, and Harry felt as lax as one. "Galleon for your thoughts?" Severus asked.

Harry put his book on the coffee table, and sat up. In one fluid motion, he swung his leg over Severus's so that he was now straddling the man.

Severus put his book on the side table as he drowned in those emerald depths, intrigued at what the young man was up to.

Harry rested his hands on the man's shoulders. "You said you were waiting for me to pounce. Well…" Harry blushed, and anymore words were stuck in his throat.

Severus lifted his hands so that they rested on Harry's hips. "You want to try something… is that it?" His hands started to caress the curves of Harry's lower back to just above his rear.

Harry could only nod.

Severus's eyes darkened even further if that was possible. He started to kiss Harry in a more sensual manner, and Harry was turning into putty in his arms. "If I do something you don't like, say something."

Harry nodded, but went back to kissing the man. They have had some rather steamy snogging sessions before, but this was quickly taking on a whole new level as Harry buried his hands into Severus's hair, and Severus was fully kneading Harry's rear, pulling him close. They were both wearing sweatpants, so it was easy to feel how excited they both were.

Harry rotated his hips against the man, trying to get some friction. Severus helped move his hips to get the best sensation. Harry was nervous and clearly inexperienced, but Severus progressed slowly, so as not to overwhelm Harry. He started by slipping his hands beneath the waistband of Harry's pants, and caressed the smooth flesh of Harry's backside. Harry approved by moaning deliciously into Severus's mouth. It had been so long for Severus, that he was nearly undone, just by that sensuous sound alone. He scooted them to the edge of the couch. Harry clung to the man to keep from falling as they barely separated during the movement. Severus took his right hand out and moved it to gently cup the healthy bulge at the front of Harry's pants. Harry gasped, and for a moment, Severus thought he had gone too far and stopped all touching. But after hearing Harry's groan of disappointment, Severus went back to his tentative pawing.

Harry leaned back a little, letting the man have better access. His face was crimson, but his hands shyly traveled south down Severus's front. Swallowing his nerves, he asked, "May I?" as he fingered Severus's drawstring.

Severus groaned in approval. "Do with me what you will."

Harry's touch was light, and explorative. He never thought about touching another man's penis before, and he certainly never thought he'd ever be straddling the lap of his wayward crush, about to do just that. Harry's brain ceased to function properly as he laid his hand on the impressive shaft. He could even feel the immense heat coming off of it through the fabric. Becoming a little bolder, he ran his hand up the length, and marveled at sheer mass of the extended limb. He had an incredible urge to see it with his own eyes as he undid the man's drawstring.

Severus helped him maneuver his pants so that the elastic band released his trapped erection. He felt the cool air brush against his exposed flesh, but he felt the intense warmth of Harry's fascinated gaze. Harry's eyes were dilated and wide with curiosity and excitement. Harry's gaze was glued to the man's crotch, and Severus felt both proud and amused at the rapt attention.

Harry plucked up the courage to touch the warm rod. It was soft, yet felt firm underneath. After a few touches and strokes, he was knocked out of his exploration when he heard Severus speak. "Do you want to try something more?"

Harry just nodded. He was too excited to be embarrassed, and was willing to try anything at the moment. He felt his own pants be lowered enough to release his own pulsing erection.

"Do you trust me?" Severus asked.

Harry nodded once more as Severus brought one of Harry's hands to his mouth, and languidly started to lick his open palm. Harry's face was overheating at the sight. He watched as that soft tongue traveled over his epidermis. Harry wondered just how erotic could the man get, if he was doing something as simple as licking his palm and… oh Merlin!

Harry wasn't paying attention as Severus brought his hand down, and clasped both their erections together in Harry's slick grip. Severus used his own hand to guide Harry's along their shafts. Harry couldn't tell which was better, the feeling of two slick dicks in his grasp or the feeling of rubbing himself against Severus in an incredibly intimate way. Flesh against flesh.

They were so close together that Harry went back to sucking on Severus's lips as he increased the speed of his strokes. It didn't take them long before they both stiffened and released their pent up desire over both their shirts and hands. Harry nearly passed out from the intensity of his orgasm. He hardly ever indulged before, because of who would be in his mind's eye when he was bringing himself off.

As Severus cleaned them both up and fixed their clothes with a few waves of his wand, he let Harry rest against his chest as he was still in the man's lap. He thought about his life before Harry, and how dark, isolated and lonely it was. But now he's just had one of the best orgasms he's ever had from a simple hand job of all things. It almost sounded pathetic. Instead, he decided to count his blessings. When someone loves you, in the purest and most honest way… how can anyone not learn to appreciate that, and reciprocate it? He might not have ever chosen Harry if things were different, but he was happy that they were together now. He felt alive and whole thanks to Harry.


	25. Memories and Trepidation

**Author's Note:** The rating has changed to M, since things are getting a little steamier than I anticipated. Sorry for any discomfort.

* * *

Harry drifted awake in the morning sun. The palm trees outside were swaying gently in the morning wind. Harry stretched languidly in their king sized bed, and watched as his bed companion continued to slumber. The harsh lines on the man's face were fading due to proper sleep, and fewer worries. He would always be a master at scowling, but Harry thought about how he was able to make this man laugh. He adored his laugh, and melted whenever he smirked and did that… thing with his eyebrow.

Every morning, Harry woke up as the luckiest man in the world. He didn't even think about his curse or the x shaped mark on his chest. After a few months of clean bandages, they decided to just let the wound air out and stopped binding it at night. Harry still rubbed his salves, because he still felt the pull of sensitive skin when he exerted his muscles. Though now, he needed to apply it in the bathroom if he didn't want an attentive audience. Severus would watch him as though he were doing a teasing dance by greasing up his front. Severus still worried about Harry's mark, but after so long, it was just commonplace now.

It's been a few months since Severus reverted back to his old self, and it was obvious he was worried every time they went out together, but when they returned to the hotel, Harry would remind him just how much he approved of the man's looks. They still went by Harry's pace, and Severus never went further than the things they've already done when he initiated the fun.

Harry was amazed. He half expected Severus to take advantage of their situation now that Harry had essentially opened Pandora's Box. Instead, Severus said to him, "Even if we never kissed, I would be fine with simply being with you." Harry felt like tearing up as he asked about the natural urges of the body, and how could Severus ignore it now that it was taking over his own lecherous thoughts. Severus simply laughed, and said, "You're young. It's natural. But for me, even in my youth, I've never had anyone I could be with like that. And the few conquests I did indulge in left me empty, and I didn't feel compelled to repeat the performance. And by myself, you can only amuse yourself with dreams and wishes for so long before you get tired of it. So I simply lost my appetite." Harry had given out a high pitched yelp as Severus pounced on him, and pinned him to the bed. "However, now that I have found the most delectable morsel, it is reminding me just how hungry and starved I've been. I'd rather savor each bite given to me than spoiling the meal." He then proceeded to 'devour' Harry and even run his tongue along his chest wound. Harry was too flummoxed to even think of a retort.

Since they were more comfortable with each other's bodies, they've taken to sleeping in the nude when it was too warm. In their current location, Hawaii, Harry allowed himself to gently trace the contours of Severus's body. He outlined every scar, every muscular line, and every freckle. He never pictured Severus as being a man with freckles, or blemishes of any kind. But here they were. Small reminders that the man was real, full of surprises, and perfect.

They still have not gone all the way. It's been an unspoken agreement that they were both waiting for the right moment. Something that was special and memorable. But Harry was slowly getting over his embarrassment. He thought of the time he decided to test his oral proficiencies while the man was still asleep. He was able to try it out without being stared at, and he doubted the man was going to complain. In fact, it appears that he did such a good job, he got a standing ovation with an encore of reciprocated efforts upon himself, and a drowsily exhausted Severus looking at him with sated pleasure written all over his face as he rasped, "Best… Morning… Ever…" Severus brought Harry breakfast in bed after that little surprise.

Harry was knocked out of his memories as an arm snaked around his back and pulled him closer to the taller body. "What are you thinking about?" The man hadn't even opened his eyes yet, but a smile played across his face.

"Just how lucky I am to be able to wake up next to you every morning."

The smile grew wider. "I'm the lucky one." He let out a contented sigh as he squeezed a little tighter. "Do we really need to get up?"

"You tell me. You're the one who wanted to check out the International Market Place today."

"Oh, well we can't miss that. I hear it's excellent. So many treasures to be found."

"You mean, strange and exotic potion ingredients."

"If you find the right vendors. We don't have to stay for too long."

"I'll be fine. So long as we get some more of those chips!" Harry nearly bounced out of bed in excitement.

"The taro chips? You've eaten four bags. Aren't you sick of them?"

"Not yet. I need to get my fill before we head on to our new destination."

Severus shook his head in amusement. It was just another trait he thought was adorable for Harry to be so pleased with the local foods of the places they visited. Simple things. Simple pleasures. Severus would buy Harry all the taro chips in the world if it kept that smile on his face.

* * *

By mid-afternoon, they were both exhausted. They went from stall to stall, looking at all the little trinkets for sale, and they discovered that they hadn't even covered a tenth of the whole marketplace. Severus was in potions heaven, and Harry was more than amused at some of the inappropriate items he found on some of the carts such as pewter key chains with a horny monkey, and some even more suggestive pieces. Other carts had jade dragon carvings, or clothes, or stuffed animals filled with sand. As Harry came to a stall filled with old books, his eyes came across some historical tomes he knew Hermione would love…

All at once, Harry's mood shifted to devastation. The holidays were fast approaching, and this was close to the time when he would go shopping for people. One year ago, he was finding gifts to say good bye… This year, he couldn't buy anything for anyone except Severus, and he bought those months ago. He was happy here, with Severus, but… he still missed them. All of them… and he was never going to spend another Christmas with family ever again…

"Sir! Are you alright?" The stall owner asked.

Harry didn't even realize he was crying. "Yes… I'm sorry. I had a sad memory when looking at these. I have a friend who adores history, and I haven't seen her in so long. How much are these, please?" He thought about not getting it, but he couldn't help that small inextinguishable voice that told him, 'you might be able to give them to her someday.'

"Thirty dollars, but for you, twenty." She told him.

Harry decided to just do it. He paid the clerk, and went to look for something for Ron. He might not send these gifts, but it would help just to think about them for a little bit, and have a little bit of holiday spirit cheer him up for a short time.

He was so involved with his own little world, that he didn't even hear Severus come up next to him. "I'm sorry Harry. That clerk didn't know what it meant to haggle properly, if you can believe it. Harry…? Harry are you alright? Why are your eyes red? Have you been crying?"

Harry realized that Severus had been talking to him, and he didn't hear a word. "I'm sorry Severus. I think I'm just tired."

Severus didn't push. He simply grasped Harry's hand and led him back to their car. They grabbed dinner and snacks, including Harry's chips, and prepared for a leisurely evening of brewing and vegging back at their Oceanside cabin.

* * *

Harry grasps at his chest and starts clawing at his battered flesh. His screaming roused Severus, and the man was desperately trying to catch his limbs. "Harry! What happened? What's the matter?"

Harry was crying out in pure agony, "Oh Gods! It hurts! Help me! Aaaaahhhh! It's burning me inside out! Uugh! I just want to dig out my heart!" His fingers were scratching the raw and bloody wound.

"Harry! You must stop this and calm down! Where is your salve?"

Harry's hand knocked the side table, but it was enough for Severus to find it and liberally apply to the wound which was now bleeding openly from the scratches as well as the dormant cut. After a few moments, Harry calmed down, but he continued to cry softly.

Severus soothed Harry's hair with his fingers, "Are you alright now?"

Harry nodded, but his watery eyes looked up to meet obsidian.

"What happened? You haven't had an attack like this in months. I thought it was getting better." Severus said, almost frantic.

Harry looked away. "I don't know…"

"Something happened the other day, didn't it? You've seemed down these past few days, and I could tell you weren't as happy as you tried to be."

Harry knew he couldn't hide it from Sev. Thinking about his friends made him think about the rest of his 'family'. And the idea that he would never see them again became twice as strong, since he wasn't so confident that he was going to be alive for another Christmas after this one. He licked his lips and swallowed before he could speak. "I'm scared Severus… I think… I think it might be getting worse. I try to put on a brave front, but really… as much as I try to ignore it or hope it will just go away… The truth I can't escape is that the clock is ticking, and time is running out… Despite how happy I've become… I'm just scared… I don't want to die…" With that, he broke down into uncontrollable tears.

Severus gathered him close and held him tight. He continued to card his fingers through the unruly hair, and just held Harry, letting him purge his sorrow. He kissed his temple, and kissed the watery eyes, and the shiny tracks on the cheeks.

Harry clung to the man as though he was life itself, and if he let go, he would be lost to the darkness. When he felt those gentle kisses, he focused on those tiny feelings that accompanied each one. Sweet, soft, gentle, calm, caring, and trust. As though each one spoke a different word, and was telling his overly taxed mind to calm down and listen to their words. So much can be said in silence. His breathing eventually evened out, and his muscles were less tense, but he was still afraid to let go.

"Harry, I have something I was going to ask you. I was going to wait until later, preferably at Christmas Eve dinner or Christmas morning, but I want to ask you now. Are you listening?"

Harry simply nodded.

Severus pulled back so that he was looking into Harry's eyes with all the sincerity and love he could hold. "Harold James Potter. Would you do me the supreme honor of becoming my bond mate?"

Harry gapped and just stared at the man. This was not what he was expecting to hear, and surely he heard wrong.

Seeing confusion and questions in Harry's eyes, he continued, "A full Wizarding Bond connects not only the magic to the individual's involved, but also their life-force. Meaning if one dies, the other one does too."

Harry's eyes, though it seemed impossible, grew even wider. "Wait. No. You can't be saying…"

"Yes I am Harry." Snape interrupted. "I mean it. Every word."

"But… no… I don't want you to die because of this. I don't want you to be hurt because of me. I don't want…"

"Stop Harry!" Snape snapped. It was firm, but not harsh like he used to be in the past. "First of all, none of this is your fault. It's Voldemort's. Secondly, even after everything, this is where we are now. For crying out loud, who would have pictured the two of us naked on the same bed together?"

Harry couldn't help but chuckle at the absurdity of the very idea, and wondered what kind of rumors would have been flying around if the school or press ever found out.

"And like it or not Harry, if you were to leave me, I would die anyway…" Severus lifted Harry's hand to his lips. "I would die inside, and there would be nothing in this world that could ever revive me. You're not the only one who is scared Harry. I am terrified as well. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. This is the first time I'm really, truly afraid of what's to come. When Voldemort was running rampant, before the war began, and during its most dangerous years, I was merely reacting. I was devastated when Lily was murdered, and from the time that I knew she was in danger, I was afraid for her. But I never was afraid for myself.

Afterwards, I didn't really care what happened. I followed orders from the dark and the light. I didn't fear being tortured or killed. I simply was. But now… I've been reborn, so to speak. I feel as though I've finally become the person I was meant to be before all of the darkness poisoned my life. I can see what it means to find joy in the simplest of things. The beauty of the sunrise through the mist. Freshly fallen snow. The tiny treasures that comes from a small touch." He glided his fingers down Harry's bare arm. Before refocusing on Harry's eyes. They were still wet with tears. "I've seen a lot of dark things in my life. Death, blood, torment, devastation… If I were to lose the one thing that's been a golden blessing in my life. There would be nothing left for me. The grief would consume me, and no one would ever be able to console me. At that point, I would rather die myself than go into that emptiness again. I love you, Harry. More than anything or anyone I ever have, or ever will. It may be weak and selfish for me to say, but I'd rather follow you to the afterlife than live a meaningless life without you." As he said those last words, his voice choked up as his own tears started to fall. He could count the number of times he's allowed himself to cry on one hand. And this time wrenched his heart the most as he clung to Harry.

Harry held Severus equally close as he feared for their future. He didn't want to be the cause of Severus's death… but he also didn't want to be alone. A full Bond could never be broken. Severus was offering to be with him in life or death. Never separated, and forever connected. He felt a burning in his heart, but he ignored it as they both wept, and held each other in love, support, and trust.


	26. United In More Than One Way

**Author's Note:** Here's a long chapter for you all. Sorry it took a while. I have to be really in the zone to write lemons. I'm still a little shy when writing semi graphic scenes. So, yeah. More lemon citrus coming up. You've been warned. Enjoy!

* * *

Severus spent the next few days preparing the potions that they would need to merge their magical cores during the bonding ceremony. After much soothing and reasoning, Harry finally agreed to the bonding.

Harry spent most of that time in bed since his little episode left him in excruciating pain. He could only take so many potions. Severus would take frequent breaks in order to spend time with Harry. They would watch some movie on the television set, and Severus would make snarky comments about the storyline or acting while Harry would curl up into his side, and use him as a pillow. Harry hated feeling useless, but he loved being able to lounge in bed with his lover. He never tired of it. All the same, he couldn't help but wonder… "What do you think you'd have been doing right now if none of this happened?" Harry asked

Severus thought as he reclined on the bed with his arm around Harry. "Grading papers, restocking potions, reading… it all seems so routine and monotonous to me now. I don't think I ever knew of the concept of boring until now." Harry chuckled. "What about you? What would you be doing right now if things were different?"

Harry found it difficult to answer, but it was a fair question. He reached over to trace the metal armguard on Sev's wrist. "Honestly, I hadn't thought about anything passed graduating, and gifting you with this. I think I would have confessed to you regardless, even with the most likely outcome of rejection."

Severus tightened his hold over Harry. He kissed the top of Harry's head. He honestly couldn't remember the reasoning behind more than half his animosity towards Harry in the past. A lot of it was stemmed from the pent up anger the war shoved onto him. The pressure of being a spy. He saw a weak, inexperienced boy who had no idea what he was getting himself into, and latched onto that like a leech. "I'm sorry I was such a bastard and a bully"

Harry shrugged. "It was justified. I understood."

Severus didn't doubt that. Harry had a much better capacity for forgiveness than any other wizard or human alive. He even mentioned how he felt pity for Voldemort. A man who never had friends, and let his bitterness consume him, because the whole world turned its back on him. It was still no excuse for becoming the biggest hypocritical jerk in the world.

"I always thought my destiny was to wind up being the romantic schmuck you always see in those tragic love stories."

"Where the hero had an unrequited love that haunts him all his days?"

"Something like that. I look at Romeo and Juliet, or City of Angels, or Moulin Rouge, and I hate how the strongest love stories always have the saddest endings. And I can't help but feel that more than ever, now that we've actually had a chance to be together."

Severus reflexively tightened his hold on Harry. "Interesting examples to use…"

"It's true, isn't it?"

Severus shut off the television, and turned to look at Harry. "Do you know what I've learned through you Harry? It's human nature to fear death, but simply surviving is not living. I came alive through your love, and the feeling is worth all the bad things that have happened to me. When I let go of the past, I also let go of the fear. The fear of what was, what is, and what will come. That's when I decided I want to be bound to you. I've wanted it for a while now, and I've never been more sure of anything in my whole life. What awaits us won't be a sad ending."

Harry straightened. "How can you be so sure?"

Severus smiled. "Because I will be with you. No matter if there is life beyond death, or a veil of nothingness. I do not fear the unknown because I know I'll have you by my side. How can our ending be tragic when we have so much love? In us and around us? For each other… for this world… for the people we've known and the one's we haven't met? What is there to be sad about? What is there to fear? We've said so before, don't think about the what if's. This is where we are. Right here, right now, and I _love_ you!"

Harry was tearing up as he leaned in to kiss the man. He knew Severus said those words very rarely. He didn't want to take them for granted, and he found other ways of expressing his feelings, and it covered Harry like a warm blanket. So when he did say the words, they held more meaning than the reflexive response they see everywhere with normal couples.

Harry also knew Severus was right. They were here, in bed, and currently very occupied with each other. He couldn't ask for anything else. He had wishes, and hopes, but honestly, right now, life was pretty darn good.

* * *

After traveling through California, they decided to spend the holidays in Las Vegas. Here, there were plenty of distractions to keep from feeling gloomy about absent friends. Harry's eyes were close to popping out of their sockets as he tried to take in all of the splendor. There were lights everywhere, and it shined as bright as daylight even at the darkest part of night. Their suite was more like a mini apartment, with a full kitchen, 2 bedrooms and two full bathrooms. Harry eyeballed the ginormous triangle shaped Jacuzzi bathtub in the master bathroom. He was getting ideas for how it was quite big enough for two people, when Severus came in with tickets for a few different shows.

They bounced from casino to casino trying everything at least once. Harry had more luck with the slot machines and roulette, while Severus made a killing at the Blackjack tables and Craps. Amidst all the fun and excitement, Harry still felt like something was missing. As they walked by a small chapel, Harry caught a sign in the front that said, "Gay couples welcome!" After seeing that, he pulled Severus up short. It was Christmas Eve, and they had just come from seeing Cirque du Solei.

Severus was curious about what captivated Harry's attention so avidly. When the young man looked up at him with hopeful eyes, he couldn't help but feel like cornered prey. The kind that couldn't say no to such eyes.

"Severus…" Harry started, biting his lips, suddenly nervous. "Why don't we get married?"

Severus couldn't help the blush travel up his spine. Harry did agree to the bonding, but it doesn't matter if you are married or not. A bonding is private, and doesn't need witnesses. But Harry… wanted a public display of sorts. He looked at the small chapel, and back to Harry. Those eyes were impossible to ignore. He didn't really want to disappoint him. "You call that a proposal?" He teased.

"Well I… I just… I was thinking…" Harry blushed in embarrassment.

Severus smiled, and touched Harry's lips to quiet him. Instead of answering, he led them to the inside of the chapel, and looked around at the nearly empty room. Then he spoke, "You do realize that these places are just as legally binding."

Harry nodded.

"And you're ok with people gawking at us as we make out at the alter?"

Harry blushed even more, if that was possible. "It's just that… I do want to be bound to you. But… part of me wishes that we would have been able to celebrate this union with… others. And I thought, if they couldn't be here, then at least…"

Severus understood perfectly well. He had thought about this, and pulled Harry into a gentle embrace. "I understand my love. In fact…" Severus got down on one knee, and pulled out a small velvet box. "I've already asked for you to bind your soul to me, and it has made me the happiest man in the universe. But now I ask that you make me the happiest man on Earth, and become my beloved husband. Will you marry me, Harry?" As he opened the box, he revealed a stunning set of matching silver rings that were most expertly crafted with carvings of a snake circling a lion in a type of yin yang design with tiny rubies and emeralds embedded between them.

Harry was speechless, because he never realized that Severus wanted something like this as well. It felt more real and official to have the full effect, and as he nodded, he felt Severus place the ring on his finger before kissing his hand. They didn't realize they attracted quite the crowd as a thunderous applause echoed in the chapel halls. They both blushed, and finally registered as other people passed them giving their heartfelt congratulations to the happy couple. Harry couldn't help but blush as he clung onto Severus's arm.

* * *

The ceremony itself was short and sweet. They actually did have quite a few people sit in during the proceedings, and as the minister proclaimed, "I now pronounce you husband, and husband, you may kiss your spouse!" Harry felt as though they were in a real wedding with close friends and family. As he kissed Severus, he heard the minister continue. "May I present to you Mr. Severus and Mr. Harry Potter-Snape!" There was a roar of applause, similar to the enthusiastic one they encountered in the entrance hall, and Harry could feel the warmth of happiness flood him. Watching Severus smile lovingly at him, he knew the man felt the same.

* * *

As they entered their suite, Harry couldn't help but feel the butterflies dancing around in his stomach. They were married, so this was supposed to be… what came after. When Severus closed the door, Harry rounded on him, "How long have you had those rings in your pocket?"

Severus chuckled and pulled Harry close. "A few days, but I acquired them quite a while ago, actually. I was waiting for the right time, and I thought it would have been more romantic to ask you during New Years Eve, but you blew that plan out of the water by wanting to get married as soon as the sun went down."

Harry blushed as he looked down. "I'm sorry if I spoiled your plans... again." Since this was the day when Severus had originally wanted to ask him to bond with him.

Severus nuzzled his head against Harry's, "It just means we both wanted the same thing. To be united in all ways. Legally, physically, and spiritually."

Harry's nerves were back. "And now comes the honeymoon… right?"

Severus pulled back to look at Harry. "I had always wanted tonight to be our bonding night. But if you're not ready. We can put it off."

Harry was shocked, "No! I mean… I…" Harry took a deep breath, trying to calm down as Severus patiently waited for him to continue. "I do… I want it… I'm just… nervous…"

"Why? Try to explain it." Severus said softly, almost like a whisper.

Harry took another breath. "It's just… I know we've experimented, and it's helped me to be less self-conscious and embarrassed about being intimate with you… but…" Harry couldn't seem to finish his thought.

Severus grabbed a nearby remote, and dimmed the lights in the living room while turning on some soft music. As he pulled Harry into a familiar stance, he began to sway to the melody of the soft jazz sweeping through the air. He leaned in close and whisper into Harry's ear. "We never got to have our first dance as husbands. I hope you don't mind if we don't have an audience for such a thing." He moved smoothly through the steps, and Harry followed in turn. Slightly out of practice, but no less graceful. "We are together Harry. That's what's important."

"But… I want to… I want to be with you all the way… I just… even when dreaming, I tried to keep such thoughts out of my mind. First, because of the war, and the fact that it was too dangerous to divulge into such silly fantasies. And then after the war, I would always get that scratching feeling when I tried to picture you, and even when I tried to keep you out of my mind. So, I don't even have a creative clue as to what I should do, how I should act, and what you might expect from me."

"Harry, nothing has changed. We would simply go with what feels best. I know you're shy and inexperienced. You blush whenever you think too much about what kind of acts we've been doing. For instance, when you woke me up with that amazingly incredible blow job. Ah ha! See?"

Harry's face grew crimson at the mention of a blow job. He couldn't bring himself to think of such actions, but he did want to get over it. He wanted to be intimate with Severus. He wanted… to have sex with Severus. And the bonding potions did require them to consummate their bond.

Severus nibbled Harry's earlobe, causing him to gasp in surprise. "You know, having you so shy and innocent, and just yearning for my touch is an absolute turn on. So is the idea that I shall be your first, last, and only one. But all you have to do is just say stop, and we'll stop. But when we start the bonding, we'll need to go all the way, without interruptions for it to work, and I don't want you to go through with it if you feel you are unready."

Harry rested his head against Severus, and let his feet move on their own accord. He was nervous, because he knew it was going to hurt. But then again, Severus has always been so gentle with him. So what was the real reason? They didn't speak as they just moved against each other. The music changed to a soft tango, and Harry felt himself move into the forgotten footwork of his favorite style of dance. The one he first learned with Terry… er… Severus. It seems so long ago now. When all of this started. When he met Terry, gained a friend and traveling companion, to realize who the wolf was under the sheep's wool, and how that man crawled deeper inside his heart than he ever thought would be possible. So then why was he still nervous to give himself over completely to this man when he wanted nothing more?

For some reason, even the dance was not calming his nerves like it normally would. This was something else entirely. A new level of anxiety and tension that wrapped around his mind, and gripped his heart. Try as he might, he couldn't figure out the source. He was knocked out of his thoughts when Severus spoke softly once more. "Do you know when I first realized I loved you?"

Harry's steps faltered a bit, but he ignored the distraction of the rhythm, and focused on his curiosity as he looked at Severus.

"Back when I was getting used to the arm guard, I couldn't describe the amount of positive energy flowing through me. I had dreams of us being together. It ranged from simply talking to some rather suggestive circumstances... But it also frightened me. To have such… love directed at me. A love I never thought I'd feel or deserve… I thought too much of it would be bad for me, and that's why I tried removing the band. But feeling the contrast nearly drove me mad. I wanted the good feelings, but they were foreign to me. And I feared getting too attached. I was afraid I would be lost entirely without it. And I was afraid what it would cause me to do. But when I got to know you… I realized that it wasn't worth it to be afraid. By the time I had you in my arms, and we danced in front of all those people… My heart was racing. The thrill and fear of being on display like that… and not caring about being perfect, or pleasing anyone's expectations… We created something beautiful, and it inspired others… That's when you melted the shields around my heart, and I allowed myself to feel. That night, and from that point on, I was yours. I was so afraid of screwing something up. But you allowed me to be myself. You forgave my deception and trusted me as a friend, and then as a lover… You saw me at my absolute worst, and you still showed me that I was worthy of your love. All I can say is… thank you." With that, Severus planted a sweet and gentle kiss on his young husband's lips.

Harry's toes curled and his lips tingled with that kiss that held so much feeling. Severus was always full of surprises, and he marveled at how the man was comfortable enough to be so open with him. Harry stopped their dancing and deepened the kiss, bringing his arms around Severus's neck. He held the man in a tight embrace, loving the strength and intensity of the arms wrapped around him. "How is it you always know what to say and tell me exactly what I need to hear?"

Severus shook his head and shrugged, unable to answer.

Harry sighed and pulled back a bit. "I want you Severus. I know it… I'm still… nervous… but that doesn't mean I'm not sure." He leaned in closer and whispered against the man's lips. "You complete me, and I want this. I want you to show me what it's like to be enthralled in the midst of passion." He kissed the man, and held him tightly once more. "I want to be held by my husband as we make love…"

Severus nearly groaned as he lifted Harry up and guided his legs to grasp around his waist. Severus walked them through the open door to their bedroom and king sized bed. He gently lowered Harry down onto the plush comforter as though he was a precious treasure, meant to be handled with the utmost care, and proceeded to slowly unbutton his shirt. Harry did the same, and he tried not to think too much. He didn't want his nerves to spoil the mood. However his fingers also forgot how to maneuver buttons through those small holes.

As Severus removed Harry's shirt, he was concerned about the bandages that once again adorned Harry's torso. "Do you want to leave these on?"

Harry shook his head. "I don't want to have to worry about them if they get skewed out of place or sullied. I think I'll be alright. The wound has been clean the past two days." Harry managed to pull off Severus's shirt as Severus started to unwrap the bandages. Sure enough, the wound looked as gruesome as ever, but the scratch marks made by Harry's nails around the mark were nearly gone at least. "It looks hideous, doesn't it?" Harry asked quietly. He meant for the tone to be light and sarcastic, but it came out doubtful.

Severus responded by lightly running his tongue over the sensitive flesh of the wound. Harry gasped and nearly yelped as that tongue circled over his left nipple before a set of teeth lightly but sharply bit it. "Any more objections?" Severus teased. Proving that the ever present scar was not going to deter his desire for Harry.

"I'm just going to shut up now…" Harry flushed, as he felt long fingers pinch his other nipple.

"Oh, you mustn't do that… I want to hear your voice loud and clear as I explore your lovely body. I've already memorized some of your more sensitive areas." He said just before he sucked on Harry's prominent collarbone, earning him a sound that was something between a moan and a giggle. "I want to know exactly how you're feeling, and when the time comes, I want you to scream my name to the heavens." He lightly rubbed the front of his thigh against Harry's crotch as he kissed away the responding groan.

Harry ran his hands through Severus's hair as he felt his pants and shoes being removed. "Merlin! Do you have any idea how much I love the sound of your voice?"

"Really? Sounds like we can have some fun with that later." He leered as he removed the last of his clothes.

Harry never tired of watching Severus undress, revealing his exquisite body. "And have I mentioned how gorgeous you are?" Harry asked.

Severus chuckled as he kneeled onto the bed on top of Harry. "I'm not sure I would call myself gorgeous, but I suppose you should feel lucky that I'm all yours."

"Oh I do… you can't even imagine how happy I am being here with you."

Severus smiled as he leaned down for a kiss. Severus grabbed a bottle close by, and slowly and gently prepared Harry. They've done a little of this before, but it's the first time Severus used more than two fingers. Harry forced himself to relax as he focused on the devotion in Severus's eyes. He was being so careful and gentle, that Harry's heart swelled with adoration for the man.

When Severus felt as though Harry was ready, he removed his fingers. Harry groaned loudly in disappointment. "Are you alright?" Severus asked, worried.

"I just feel… cold and empty without you…"

Severus smiled as he pulled Harry on top of his lap so they were both sitting upright. "Then I shall warm you up from the inside." With that, he guided himself to Harry's entrance, and gently pushed in.

The pressure was different than Severus's digits, and despite going slow, Harry could feel every nerve protest to the foreign intrusion. He forced himself to relax as he clung to the man, but it was easier said than done. When he felt the movement stop, he realized Severus was now completely inside him, and oh… how warm it was. He felt full, and stretched more than the fingers alone, but the chills running up his back and across his arms sent tingling jolts of pleasure through the rest of his body.

Severus held Harry still as he felt his young husband clench unintentionally around him. He had to breathe slowly if he didn't want this to end before it really began. He distracted himself by thinking about the incantation they needed. He grabbed the potion from the nightstand and brought it between them. It contained samples of their blood as the essence of their magical signatures. "When you take a sip of this, use your tongue to move it all around your mouth before you swallow. This will create a coating inside the mouth. We must then recite the incantation I taught you at the same time for our cores to synchronize. And the heat of a kiss will seal the bond. Do you remember the words?"

Harry was still focused on the heat pooling in his loins, but he thankfully had enough cognitive function to remember the tricky words, and he nodded.

Severus smiled, "Don't speak any other words other than the indication, otherwise it will skew the intention of the bond."

Harry nodded in understanding.

Severus tipped the bottle into his mouth, taking half the potion. He handed the bottle to Harry, who took the rest, and they both rolled the syrupy potion around inside their mouths. Thankfully, the taste was rather pleasant. It wasn't exact, but it was a lot like white chocolate with hints of rose.

When they both swallowed the potion, they could feel a tingling sensation on the inside of their cheeks, almost as if the potion was vibrating or sending little electrical shocks through their system from the back of their jawline. When Severus nodded, they both opened their mouths to begin the incantation.

"A terra , et mari,

Quod per solem et lunam,

Aeternitatis me,

Erunt duo in carne una."

As they spoke, the vibration sensation was getting stronger. When their lips connected, it was as though they stuck a metal key in a wall socket by the electrical jolt they felt through the connection, although there was thankfully no pain. In fact, that charge traveled down their spines, and into their pelvises where they were connected, and they both gasped in unbridled pleasure as they were both synthetically stimulated.

They didn't need any other prompting to continue with their activities. Severus grabbed hold of Harry's ass and began to move. They were still busy devouring each other's mouths as they licked the remains of the potion with their tongues as they slid together in a serpentine dance.

Harry's moans were becoming quite loud, but he actually broke their kiss in order to scream.

Severus was worried, "Are you alright?"

Harry's eyes were nearly rolled back into his head, "Merlin! Talk about being struck with Thor's hammer. It feels like you're electrocuting me with every thrust, and just now… I can't even say. I think my spirit left my body, oh Thunder God."

"So you're not hurt?"

"Far from it. Oh Merlin, don't stop!"

Severus smiled wolfishly as he maneuvered his legs underneath him without really moving Harry. Harry momentarily marveled at Severus's dexterity and flexibility before he realized that the new angle caused Severus to drive deeper into him, assaulting that miraculous spot inside him. As a result, Harry's screamed with every jolting thrust.

Severus was filled with chills and white hot flames as he thrust harder into Harry's tight velvet passage. It was beyond perfect. Not only was he finally with a partner who wanted his touch, but the feeling it infused inside him made him burn. Harry's screams of pleasure were all the proof he needed that he was the one causing such euphoria. And the heat that encased his most sensitive flesh made the rest of his nerves twitch in agonizing delight.

The stimulation was too much for both of them. The gods could strike them down, and they wouldn't care at that moment. The fire burned and froze them from the inside out, and Severus could just barely make out Harry's words. "I love you… I love you… oh Gods, I love you Severus!"

That was his undoing. He increased the intensity of his thrusting. He was so close, but he was desperate for Harry to cum with him. Harry cried out at the top of his lungs as he clenched down onto Severus as he continued to thrust. Severus felt his love's hot essence hit him on his chest and stomach, so then he finally allowed himself to give in and release inside Harry.

Severus was blinded by the sensation, and he clung onto Harry as though his life depended on it. Earth shattering, mind blowing, and all of those other descriptions couldn't even come close to describing the orgasm they both experienced. It was almost as if in a tenth of a second, their bodies were destroyed and put back together in the proper order.

"I've dreamed of this…" Severus whispered so quietly that if Harry's ear had not been right next to his mouth, he wouldn't have heard it. Harry's mind was still swimming in the euphoric pool of completeness, but he wasn't so far gone that it prevented his curiosity.

"Which part?"

Severus kept his eyes closed as he simply let the moment wash over him. He spoke softly, "Everything about this moment has been my deepest darkest desire since I was a child. I would see my parents fight and argue all the time. Sometimes, I felt invisible to them, and most of the time, it was alright. I just knew that I never wanted to end up like them. I never wanted to regret my life partner to the point of misery. I grew up with stories and fairy tales that fill the child's mind with concepts of true love and make you believe it really exists. But what they never tell you is that your first love is most likely your first heartbreak. And that true love is much rarer than a four leaf clover. It exists, but most people hardly find it. Even this bond isn't used very often. But I've always… _always_ … wanted to feel what true love was like. And now… it's more than real…"

Harry kissed his shoulder, then his cheek, and then his lips. They still tingled with that little jolting sensation, though it wasn't as intense. It was almost a wisp of a memory of the sensation, indicating the proper completion of the bond.

They were quickly drifting into unconsciousness, so Severus thought it was wise to extract himself gently, and clean up their mess so that they could lie down.

Harry rested his head on his husband's broad chest, listening to Severus's steady heartbeat. They were united as one, now and forever. When the reaper came to claim Harry, he wouldn't be alone. He'll never be alone again, and he is forever loved. That thought alone chased away any doubts and fears he still held about the whole situation. The time limit didn't matter anymore. When he took his final breath, Severus would be right there with him. He drifted off to sleep, comforted by the fact that for the first time in his life, he wasn't afraid for what was to come. Growing up with his relatives, he was afraid for his wellbeing every day. When he found out he was a wizard, and thrown into the middle of a war he had to be on the front lines, he was afraid of letting everyone down, and afraid for his life as well as others. After the war, he was afraid of the fame and the power of his name. He was afraid for what was going to happen after he graduated. And when the curse decided his future for him, he was afraid of how long he really had. But now, all of that didn't matter. The past was the past, and he was now bonded and married to the only man he's ever loved. Life was excellent. And the future was theirs. Harry drifted off into peaceful sleep, free of any sort of nightmares, and free of any and all of life's petty fears.

* * *

 **Author's Note Part 2:** I don't speak Latin, so I confess, I used google translation to convert a short poem, and I liked what it spit out. So apologies, if it actually doesn't make sense to someone who actually knows the language.

Original Poem:

From Land and sea

By moon and sun

Eternity with me

The two become one.

Not much of a poem by not much of a poet. I just needed something small that sounded good.


	27. The Perfect Christmas

**Author's Note:** Hey there everyone. Sorry I've been MIA for a bit. I have three jobs, and so finding any free time, let alone time to write, has been somewhat non-existent. So here you go. Hope you enjoy, and thanks again for all the awesome reviews!

* * *

Harry knew he was dreaming. The images floating past his vision seemed too slow and out of sync with the natural sounds all around him. He was outside. In a place he's never seen before, but the warm, familiar feeling he had made it seem like he knew this place very well, if only in a dream's memory. He looked at the sunset in the distance, disappearing behind a row of trees. The clouds were tinted with purples and pinks as the sun's final rays brushed them gently. The wind was rustling through the tall grass, and for a moment, Harry felt like he was at the Burrow. It felt like home.

Just then, a figure rushed passed his line of sight, through the tall grass. The small form barely was tall enough to clear the tallest blades. Long black hair flowed behind the figure like midnight water dancing on the wind. Little arms flung out from the body as the owner began to twirl in the grass. The dress they wore was the same color as the sunset, and it moved as the figure spun around, brushing against the grass. Harry couldn't see their face, but he could hear the soft lilting giggle, as graceful as the coo of a nightingale.

Harry felt tears of pride roll down his face, and just as he reached out to the dancing figure, the sun set, and all was dark…

* * *

Harry woke with tears in his eyes, and like all dreams you can't remember, he didn't know why. He wiped the remainders of the moisture, along with the crustiness of morning sleep. He looked up at his beloved husband, and noticed a pair of sleepy eyes gazing lovingly at him. "Happy Christmas Harry." Severus whispered.

Harry lifted up in order to give the man a kiss. "Happy Christmas, love."

"Indeed it is. The first one I've ever looked forward to."

That earned another kiss, and a snuggle into the black terrycloth robe the man wore. "How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough to set up a few surprises for you."

"Oh! I can hardly wait." Harry was quickly losing the grogginess of sleep, and getting the anticipated excitement that came with Christmas. He had a few surprises for Severus as well. As they both moved in order to get up, Harry caught his hand on something sharp embedded into the side of the bed. It sliced his palm up pretty well. "Damnit! I thought these mattresses were used to vigorous activity. We should complain to room service."

It was still dark in the room, so Severus opened the windows to let the light in. He inspected Harry's palm, and healed the minor cut. So long as a cut wasn't near Harry's cursed chest, he could heal it with magic. He inspected the edge of the bed, and found several metal shards. "This is strange. I didn't notice when I got up, but it felt like I scraped my leg on a protruding nail or something. I ignored it, because I wanted to finish my preparations before you woke."

Harry picked at the metal. They came up easily, and it didn't seem like they were part of the mattress at all. There were several more on the carpet. When they gathered as many shards as possible, they ended up with a copious pile of silver metal. They examined the pieces before Harry let out a gasp of surprise, and what seemed like fear. "Severus! Your arm!"

Severus was startled by the gasp, but then realization to what Harry said made his nerves sink deeper. He swiftly pulled up the left sleeve of his robe, and to his horror, the armguard was gone. He hadn't even noticed it missing this morning before putting on his robe. Before he could panic, Harry spoke again.

"It's gone…" It came out as a hushed whisper, as though his voice was carried with the air of his exhale.

"You can remake it. I'm sure…" Severus was waiting to be bombarded by dark images and painful thoughts.

"No. Look! It's gone… The mark…"

Severus looked once more, and turned his arm every which way, but there wasn't a tinge of black on his skin anywhere. No scar, no blemish, no nothing. As though the arm had never been tarnished by the evil mark.

Harry ran his fingers over the bare arm in wonder. There were no bumps, no moving flesh or pulsating mark. "How is this possible…?" He whispered.

Severus didn't want to think too much about it. Instead, he tackled Harry onto the bed, and kissed him soundly. He let the love surround him, and the euphoria in the knowledge that he was truly free of the darkness. He already knew this was the best Christmas ever, and this solidified it. No matter what happens, this moment was truly the most wonderful. He had his husband, his bondmate, his other half with him, and he felt the utmost freedom. "You wonderful wizard… last Christmas, you gave me a way to shut out the darkness, and this year, you took it away all together. That is the greatest present ever."

Harry giggled as he held his husband and kissed him again. He didn't think something like that was possible, but he was more than happy Severus was now free of his mark. "Well it puts all of my other presents for you to shame. Shall we continue with our other treats?"

"Do you mean the surprises in store for the day, or the tasty treat that's right here?" He nibbled playfully at Harry's neck to emphasize his point, knowing the spot he gnawed was particularly ticklish.

Harry squealed in delight, and tried to pull the man off. "As much as I would like to perform an encore of last night's performance, I feel as though if I don't get up now, I won't want to for a week."

Severus groaned, but it was clearly forced. "You're right, and I agree. We can continue our honeymoon afterwards." He kissed Harry on the nose, and finally let him up. He handed Harry a robe, and allowed him to get cleaned up and dressed for the day. They weren't going anywhere, but they felt like dressing up a little for the occasion anyway. When Harry walked into the main room, his senses were assaulted by the most wonderful array of fragrances. Coming from the kitchen, there was the smell of cinnamon rolls, fresh coffee, orange juice, sweet buns, chocolate chip muffins, and blueberry scones. All of Harry's favorite breakfast treats. And in the main room, there stood a beautiful pine tree that simply smelled of Christmas.

Severus crept up behind him and wrapped his arms around Harry's middle. "I thought you might enjoy decorating the tree with me."

Harry could have cried. He knew many wizards just magiced the tree together, and just focused on making it pretty. The Weasley's always had theirs up on the first of December. But Harry always liked the idea of doing everything by hand. Lights, garlands, and ornaments. Even with the frustration that goes with untangling cords. To Harry, it was a special thing that a family could do together. He hasn't been able to do it yet, but it was always something he wanted to do. How Severus knew that, he couldn't guess. Maybe it was the same with him. Either way, it was special for both of them.

They loaded a tray with the delectable goodies, and set about decorating the tree. As they ate, Harry put on joyous carols that he occasionally sang to. Even Severus couldn't keep silent when some of the few carols he knew came on. Harry made a note to get a recording of Severus singing Good King Wenceslas. He practically turned Harry into mush with how aroused he was.

It took them a couple hours, but by the time they were done they both stood and simply admired the beautiful splendor before them. The ornaments they put on were a mix of some generic metallic balls, icicles, and various other shapes, but they also put small trinkets they both gathered from their trip. It was a collection of memories of their time together. But Harry felt it was still missing something. Something significant. He went back into the bedroom to gather up the metal shards and brought them back to the main room. "Mind if I use these?"

Severus shrugged. "I apparently have no use for them, or they have no more use for me." He kissed Harry's cheek as he went to go fetch some egg nog for the two of them.

Harry put the shards on the table, and transfigured the metal into a single object once more. He made it into a silver star and engraved it in delicate script. _Harry and Severus Potter-Snape, Married and Bonded, December 24, 2014._ On the back, he wrote, _Together In This Life, and the Next. Forevermore._ When he was finished, he turned it around to admire his work.

"That's perfect Harry." He heard behind him before he felt a pair of lips on his neck. Harry smiled as he set it off to rest on top of the tree.

"Now it's perfect." He said as he leaned back against the man. There was something satisfying about looking at a glowing tree. "Does this mean it's time for presents?" Harry said, breaking both the somber mood and the silence.

Severus couldn't help but burst into laughter at the sheer excitement in his voice. He had to admit, he was excited too. And feeling Harry's infectious enthusiasm helped him feel the giddiness a normal person was supposed to feel around this time. He wrapped his arms around Harry, and gave him a tight squeeze. "I hope so. Otherwise I'll have to start unwrapping you!" He pulled on Harry's collar with his teeth.

Harry blushed and giggled. He squirmed free of his attacker's hold, and went to get his presents to put under their beautiful tree. Severus spelled his gifts there before Harry returned, and kept a very special one hidden for last.

They both cuddled on the floor, opening one present at a time, some whimsical, some useful, some thoughtful, but all of them were special. Even the naughty pieces they both got for each other. Harry gave Severus a deck of cards with different karma sutra positions for homosexual couples, and Harry received a few exotic potions for the bedroom... for the adventurous lover.

It was a perfect, leisurely afternoon. The last of the presents had been opened, and the room was a proper mess. Just like the spirit of youth, they each wanted to 'play with their new toys'. Harry wanted to put together a 3-dimensional puzzle of a castle while Severus was itching to use the incredibly rare potion books and ingredients. He had no idea how Harry even got his hands on Banshee's tears. But first, he looked up in time to see Harry's face fall slightly as he looked up at the beautiful star. Severus pulled Harry into his lap and nuzzled the side of his face. "Hey now. No sadness. It's not allowed on your beautiful face. Not now."

Harry smiled, but he couldn't help but wince as well. "I'm sorry Severus. Really, everything is so wonderful, and this has been a perfect day. One I've always imagined…" He was resisting the 'but' that was to follow.

"I understand Harry. It doesn't take much to see what's missing. Or rather… who."

Harry dropped his head in shame. Severus has made such a wonderful day, and he was about to create a most fantastic meal for their feast… so why can't it just be enough. Why can't he just simply enjoy it and not think about… other things.

"My love. I have a confession to make. Those gifts you bought and wrapped for your friends? I swiped them from your bag and sent them off to Dumbledore. I'm sure he delivered them to the respective owners for today."

Harry was too shocked to be angry. He couldn't even speak.

Severus wouldn't give him the chance anyway. "Hear me out, love. I'm sure that if we weren't together like this, Christmas would have been a very bleak holiday indeed. You might've sat alone, by yourself, not even trying to celebrate it, since you had no one to celebrate it with.

Harry tried to say that might not have been true, but after thinking about it, if he didn't have Sev, then he probably wouldn't have bothered trying to get to know people enough just to have an excuse to celebrate. Not when there were others he would much rather be with. To have even the barest sense of a family, and to not be able to be with any of them… it was rather sad. Severus was right. He'd have hidden in a corner, and waited until it was over.

"I never had family to celebrate with, and Hogwarts Christmas parties with colleagues didn't feel jolly. They felt like forced politeness. No one really knew if they could trust me. Flitwick, and Sir Nicholas tried to be cordial. McGonagall and Dumbledore tried the most obviously, but I never felt welcome anywhere around Christmas. This right here is the first Happy Christmas of my life. Sad to say, but it's true. But while it's perfect for me, I know that no matter how much I try to distract you, I know where your mind is wandering. So I hope you won't be too angry with me. But it seems your friends and family are missing you just as much. Dumbledore sent me this a little while back." He summoned the bag he hid away, and handed it to Harry.

Harry couldn't speak as he removed things from the bag. They were presents. To him. From… everyone… Harry couldn't stand it. As he looked at the magnificent haul on the table. Tokens from those he held dear… he couldn't keep it in. He cried. He cried for the love he felt for all those people he left behind, and he cried for those who couldn't just forget him. Who couldn't give him up.

Severus held him as he was still on his lap, and just let him cry. He could tell they were both happy and sorrowful tears. So he just let Harry cry, summoned some tissues, and patiently waited until he calmed down. When Harry felt like he'd blown his brains through his nose, he looked at the present tower, and just wanted to preserve the whole thing as a statue without opening a single one.

Severus pulled out the final item. "This is a message to you from them. You can wait to listen to it if you need time."

Harry gazed at the small glass vial in Severus's hand. Inside were the luminescent wisps of memories. He desperately wanted to look, but at the same time, he didn't. This past year had been beyond wonderful, but Harry couldn't shake the fact that he was terribly homesick. He knew he was going to cry even more when he saw the message, no matter what it said. He didn't want to ruin Christmas with more tears.

As though Severus could read Harry's mind, he spoke, "Harry, don't worry about me. About us. This Christmas is perfect with you in my arms. Even if you feel sad for the rest of the day, I am perfectly willing to hold you and speak with you until the sadness passes. Even if we have to go so far as to order out for dinner."

Harry turned so that he could embrace the man fully. "You've already seen me as a blubbering mess, and you are still able to tell me exactly what I want and need to hear. I cannot even begin to describe how much I love you. I'm just… I don't know…"

Severus kissed his temple. "I understand. I really do… It's a Christmas message. I think you should view it today."

Harry pulled back, and looked at the vial once more. As if it called out to him, he took it. He knew what he wanted to ask, but the request was stuck in his throat.

Once again, Severus took the initiative, "Would you like to view it together?"

Harry could only nod.

Severus stood in order to collect his travel pensieve. He tried preserving every memory of their trip, since he wasn't one to scrapbook.

Harry came up and poured the memories into the basin. It swirled around, and settled, ready for viewing. Severus took Harry's hand as they both submerged into the depths.

* * *

Around them stood a familiar black void. Similar to the one Harry set up for Severus one year ago. It wasn't long before the form of the Headmaster appeared before them.

"Harry, my boy. I hope this message finds you well. I know you wanted to simply disappear into the depths of the world, but as you may know, it is not so easy to cut such ties. I got your clever message from your young accomplice. And not to worry. I have taken it upon myself to look into the young lad's case, and his Father is surely getting the counseling he needs. And since you vouched for him, I have decided to award him the first annual Harry Potter Scholarship award." He paused for a bit, letting the smugness sink in. Harry was sure the man knew he'd be blushing.

He went on, "I am delighted that the two of you are together at last. I had hoped something like this would happen, and I do apologize for the continued surveillance. Forgive a meddling old fool, but I wasn't the only one who wished to keep an eye on you. Happy Christmas Harry, and I hope to see you again. In this life or the next." His specter faded, and two more materialized in his place. Harry could feel the tears threatening to form, but he blinked them away, in favor of keeping his vision clear. It was none other than Ron and Hermione.

"How are you mate? I bet you weren't expecting this." Ron said.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "That's probably obvious, but I'm going to say this instead. Don't you dare cry Harry!"

Harry was actually shocked into submission. "Sheesh. Yes ma'am." He whispered. Severus chuckled softly next to him and squeezed his hand.

"I mean it. We've both cried enough, and this is not a miserable occasion. It's Christmas. And we asked…"

"Threatened, actually." Ron interrupted.

Hermione chose to ignore him. "If Dumbledore could forward some things to you. Just because you're not here physically, doesn't mean that you're gone from our hearts. And so long as you are out there somewhere, we want to celebrate with you. So we each got you a little something to help bring some holiday cheer to you, wherever your exotic destination happens to be."

"Yeah, man. Even though you said you didn't want to come back, we're still just waiting for you to be ready to come home. Even if you sit on your butt to the end of your days. We're selfish, and would just like to have you here with us. Remember. We can be just as stubborn and hard headed as you are."

"We love you Harry. And we are simply going to believe that you are on an extended vacation…."

"With a tall, dark… imposing man…"

"And that you wish we were there, and you'll be back soon with stories and outlandish souvenirs for us."

"I think Mione said I was in desperate need of something called a Tikiti God?"

"Tikki, Ron. Can't you just picture him, Harry, with a loud floral print shirt and a straw hat?"

"How can a shirt be 'loud'?"

"I'll show you later. Anyway Harry. Happy Christmas. Lots of Love from all of us. Don't ever allow yourself to be down."

"We'll keep a spot set for you at the dinner table mate. Cheers!"

Hermione blew a kiss, and they too faded into the black.

* * *

When Harry and Severus emerged, they were silent for a moment, and didn't move. Harry was processing everything that he had heard, and Severus was waiting for Harry to speak. Instead, Harry wrapped his arms around Severus's middle, and whispered a simple, "Thank you…" He did feel like crying, but he couldn't find the strength. Instead, he felt elated, somehow. As though what was missing was now found, and it was indeed a perfect Christmas. At this point, the sun was starting its decent into late afternoon. "May I help you cook dinner?"

"What about your gifts?" Severus asked.

"I'll save them for a little later. Right now, I just want to be around you. If I wasn't thinking about the mouthwatering meal you were boasting about making tonight, I'd have you take me to bed right now."

Severus growled. "Be careful my little lover. Don't tempt the beast."

Harry laughed, and as though prompted, his stomach let out a rather audible growl. Harry laughed harder, and Severus joined in.

"Alright. Food first. But I reserve the right to snack." He said as he nibbled Harry's ear, causing more laughter.

It was a perfect Christmas indeed.


	28. A Heart's Memory

**Author's Note:** Hey all! Sorry it's been so long. Bad combination of writer's block, no time to write, and crippling work deadlines. It's a shorter chapter this go around, and I promise not to leave you all hanging for long. Work deadlines have eased up somewhat, most of the writer's block is gone, and I'm going to try to make some time to write. Because it's been so long, I nearly mixed up story plot lines and little details, so I had to go back and re-familiarize myself with the story. We are at the beginning of the end. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride!

* * *

Harry did eventually open his presents. One at a time, but he savored each one. When they hit a new destination, he would open one. Each gift had some neat little item that made Harry think of the recipient with fondness, but the real treasure came in the form of a memory from each of his givers. All of his friends gave him memories of what he had been missing that year. They all thought he had gone off to "Find himself" and get away from the hell that was the wizarding world, but that he would come back eventually.

Seamus got him a bottle of firewhiskey, reminding Harry of the time all the boys in the Gryffindor dorm room took a shot from the stash he had stolen from his father. He described never getting a thrashing quite so bad as the one he came home to that summer when his old man found out. His memory showed Gryffindor winning the Quiddich cup.

Dean sent him a trunkful of candy from Honeydukes. Some things, he even helped collaborate on, seeing as how he worked for the sweet makers now. His memory was of their graduation, and Gryffindor winning the House cup. But what made it epic was how key members of the ministry were there to congratulate the new graduates. But at the end of the ceremony, all the graduates threw pies and cakes at every one of them, leading to an all-out food fight brawl that not even Dumbledore could calm down. The headlines for the paper the next day was "Fudge Got Fudged!"

Neville gave Harry some homemade teas. He apparently now owns his own shop in Hogsmeade for herbology and pragmatic use. His memory showed him at a large dinner, among many friends and family, proposing to Blaise Zabini, who tearfully accepted.

Ginny sent him a diary that she promised was not cursed. She had started her training in Romania, and is already surpassing all the boys in training. Her memory showed how she was the only one able to actually ride one of the ferocious beasts. None of the other trainees, or even some of the trainers got that far in earning a dragon's respect and trust.

Hermione got him a few books, of course. And the memory showed her getting an acceptance letter for an incredible position as Kinsley's personal assistant in the Ministry of Magic. He could tell they both intended to take over the Ministry, and fix the damage it had done to the Wizarding World. Harry felt immensely proud of her.

Ron's present was last, as it was an accumulation of items and treats from the rest of the Weasley clan. There were several new items from the new Weasley Wizard Wheezes with Ron becoming partner and co-owner with his brother George. Mrs. Weasley baked him some home-made sweets, and Mr. Weasley sent him some "Fascinating Muggle Inventions" which included a label maker and a flashlight. The memory he shared was of all of them together a few days before Christmas, and all of them saying how much they love and miss Harry.

Harry paced himself, because he usually came out of these memories on the brink of tears. It was wonderful seeing how everyone was doing, but it was also heart-wrenching that he was not a part of it.

As a mental exercise Harry would try to think about how he would be fairing if Severus had not followed him. How much more pain would he have been in? How lonely would he feel? How homesick would he have become? It was all too much to think about, and his chest wouldn't thank him for his dark thoughts later. He still felt a twinge and a pull whenever he got too sad about something, but thankfully, Severus was around, and would always give him some cause to smile. Severus was a more generous lover than he ever could've imagined. When Harry asked him why that was, Severus told him, "Well, it's a bit of a surprise for me too. I never really knew what sort of partner I'd be. But now, it just seems natural. I find I actually like being the devoted and doting lover. Who would've thought?"

Harry thought about the old days when Sev used to terrorize the students, but now all he could see was a cuddly teddy bear of a man. He decided to keep that little thought to himself.

In some strange way, this deadly curse allowed all of his deepest desires to come true. Harry wondered how Voldemort would have reacted if he could see the result of his final curse. _Thanks Voldemort, you may have succeeded in killing me, but you've given me everything I've always wanted._ He was pretty sure the snake was rolling around in his grave.

* * *

As Harry sat on the front porch of their rented condo in Belize, Harry watched the setting sun paint the clouds over the Caribbean in shades of pinks and purples. The warm breeze ushered in the evening as the palm trees swayed to the sound of a soft melody being played.

Harry's eyes stared at nothing in particular as he listened to the delicate music box he bought several months ago. He didn't know why, but every time he played the tune, a little snippet of a memory would flit across his mind, like he was trying to piece together the remnants of a forgotten dream. He knows he's been having some form of strange visions, and he also knows that they are forgotten before they have a chance to truly be remembered. But the image he tries to conjure inadvertently hurts his heart. Not in the way the curse does, but in that sorrowful way that gives one the sense that they were left behind. Forgotten. Buried.

Severus was out at the moment, getting more groceries for the next span of days. Having him gone made Harry feel even more lonely, and he was surprised at how ridiculous that seemed. They were practically joined at the hip, yet on the occasional off chance that they had to be separated, Harry felt the loss keenly. More so than should really be normal.

This loneliness wasn't all. His senses had been feeling… off. As though he hadn't been getting enough sleep. And there were days when he felt absolutely lethargic. He would have simply ignored this if it didn't start to get painful. There were nights when he would get crippling migraines. Thankfully, they mostly happened when Severus was asleep. His hands felt overly sensitive, and his back ached. He figured it must simply be the fact that they had been moving around so much since New Year's a month ago. They had made a road trip through most of the states, and then headed south through Mexico, and were now in Central America. Harry insisted it must be because he was tired, so they planned to stay here for two weeks to ease up on the traveling stress.

He was so out of it at the moment that he didn't even see the familiar form of his husband walk right passed him and up the stairs. When he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, he jumped so violently that he nearly fell out of his seat.

"Harry, what's wrong? I didn't mean to startle you. I was calling your name, but you weren't responding."

Harry wiped his face, and tried to get his thoughts back in order. "I'm sorry Sev. I was thinking about… things."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

"Nothing new, really. Just mulling things over in my mind, and trying to find the silver lining of everything."

Severus pulled him up and into a hug. "It's hard to find a silver lining when the clouds look like cotton candy at the moment. It looked like you wanted to float away to them with how intently you stared."

"Again, I'm sorry. I suppose I'm just tired. Think you could give me one of your famous back rubs, and I'll give you one of my famous foot rubs?"

Severus groaned at that. It felt marvelous when Harry first rubbed his stockinged feet when he went through his painful change, but Harry had discovered early one morning that Severus simply melted when his feet were given special attention without the hindrance of socks. Severus never really liked the idea of anyone going anywhere near his feet, but Harry was the breaker to all of his boundaries. And he discovered something new about himself, and the fact that he positively relished the feeling of having his feet rubbed.

Without another word, Severus picked Harry up under his arm like a sack of flour and carried him along with the groceries into their condo.

* * *

It had been a week, and this pain was not going away. Harry thought it would go away with time, and that it wasn't worth the worry. But he knew he needed to be better about the things that hurt, even if it really was nothing to worry about. Look what happened the last time he tried to keep the pain to himself, and didn't seek assistance. He also didn't want Severus to think he was hiding anything, so he decided to just be open about it.

"Severus?"

"Hmm?" He asked, not looking up from his book.

"Could you help me? Please?"

That got Severus's attention. If not for the words, then definitely by the tone. "What's wrong?" He put a bookmark in the book, and set it on the table without another glance.

"It's just that. I've been feeling… off these past few days. I hurt, but it's not really anything new. Just more."

"In your chest?"

"Yes, but… more. Spread out from my torso. My limbs feel tight, like they're constantly in a state of sleep. It's… uncomfortable. And there are times when I have a terrible headache. It passes, but they keep coming."

"Has the new salve not been working?"

"I don't think it's the salve. It's other things, but I can't fully pinpoint them. I don't know if I'm coming down with something, or I ate something that didn't agree with me, or what."

"Sit down, and I'll run a diagnostic scan." Severus said as he fetched his wand.

Harry sat on the edge of the bed, and tried his best not to be too anxious. Severus came back and started running his wand over different parts of Harry's body. Harry watched as Severus's features changed from stoic, to curious… to confused… to concerned… to disbelief and shock. "Harry…" He started, as though, he didn't know how to break the news to him.

Harry knew it. This was where Severus would tell him that there was something really wrong. His organs were shutting down, or his blood was starting to congeal, or his heart was about to explode. Something that marked the beginning of the end. This was it. He was walking down the path of destruction, and Severus was about to confirm it. Telling him he only had a handful of days to live… maybe less.

"Harry…" Severus tried again, still tongue tied. "I… don't know how to say this…"

"What? …What?! You're scaring me, Sev! What is it?!"

Severus swallowed and looked straight into Harry's eyes. "Harry… You're pregnant…"


	29. Of Council And Tomes

Harry was certain he heard wrong. There was no way he heard those words exactly. Severus must be pulling his leg, trying to make light of the situation. "Severus, be serious. What's wrong with me?"

Severus held Harry's hands and squeezed. "I am being serious, love. You are five weeks pregnant."

"I'm a male, Severus. How do you expect me to believe you?" Harry's sanity was slipping out through the seams that were barely tying his whole body together.

"You're also a wizard Harry. It is possible for Wizards to become pregnant, but it's incredibly rare for it to happen naturally, without the help of a potion or preparations."

Harry could barely hear him as he put a hand over his flat stomach. There was no way there was something in there. His mind was reeling in a state of shock over this impossible fact. Just then, he remembered some fleeting snippets of the visions he tried so desperately to remember. Long flowing black hair… Pale skin… Long lashes… _Dear Merlin…_ Harry thought, _Is this what these visions mean…?_ Without being able to control himself, Harry started shaking his head as his body began to tremble while he muttered, "No… no, no, no… This can't be real… not this… I can't… not this…" Too many questions were spinning around in his head and he grew dizzy. Would he even live long enough to carry the child? How does a male even give birth? He had just accepted the fact that he was going to die, and even take Severus with him… but a child? Would he leave it behind or end up taking to his death as well? Tears were flowing freely down his face, and his chest started to contract in the familiar way before a really bad attack was about to happen.

He didn't see Severus down a potion as he surged forward, holding Harry's face close to him, transferring the liquid into Harry's mouth through a kiss, giving him no choice but to swallow. He instantly felt more relaxed as his body was forced into the submission of a calming draught. When Severus pulled back, he continued to gently rub Harry's face as he fixated on those leaking, but beautiful eyes. "Calm yourself Harry. I am here. I've got you, and we can figure this out. Just like we always do." He lifted Harry and held him close. They moved gently, but not fully dancing. It was more like rocking a child who woke from a nightmare. Severus kept his mouth close to Harry's ear as his hypnotic voice guided Harry through the turmoil plaguing his mind. "Do not think of anything right now, just focus on my voice. Feel me close to you. You are not alone, and you are not helpless in this. I know how frightened you are, and I know how this is hurting you. I think it's time we return. We should go back to Hogwarts and seek council with Dumbledore. I have a portkey with me in case of an emergency, and I believe this qualifies. We can leave right now, if you wish."

Harry clung to Severus. He didn't even need to think about it. He nodded into Severus's chest. Severus parted from Harry, giving him a loving kiss, and went about packing their things. They checked out at the front lodge, and discreetly used the portkey behind some thick bushes.

* * *

The portkey landed them right into Dumbledore's office. Harry was surprised at this, for he didn't think portkeys could penetrate the barriers of Hogwarts. As if reading his mind, Severus said, "Dumbledore had Kingsley help him develop the portkey so that it had… permission, so to speak… to negate the barriers."

Dumbledore was not in his office at the time, but they didn't have to wait long before the door opened. No doubt the portraits hailed him down to report on the intruders in his office. Dumbledore was clearly worried, but he didn't let that shadow the joy of seeing his two pupils who were more like the grandchildren of his soul. "Harry! It's so good to see you!" He said opening his arms.

Harry automatically stepped into the embrace as relief and happiness flooded him. Dumbledore had always had the air of safety around him like a caring parent would. Not to mention that he was one of the main people Harry loved and sorely missed during his escapade. The hug was exactly what he needed at the moment, and it kept all the terrible things in his mind at bay. The smell of the man alone was familiar and comforting.

While continuing to hold Harry, he drew his attention to his other guest, "Severus. It's good to see you looking so well. You've truly blossomed since I last saw you." He said with a proud smile.

Severus laughed, and gave the pair of them his own hug, showing Dumbledore the affection he never allowed himself to convey before, and completely encasing Harry in the warmth of the two men. "I'm not sure blossomed is the right word, but all changes are thanks to Harry here."

"As ecstatic as I am to see you both, I know you're not just here to say 'Hello'. What's wrong, and how can I help?"

Harry appreciated that Dumbledore got straight to the point. He didn't know how much longer he could keep himself together. Dumbledore summoned some tea and cakes for them, and motioned for them to sit across from him as they began their discussion.

Severus kept his arm around Harry as he explained. "Long story short, the two of us are married, bonded, and expecting…"

Dumbledore stared blankly at them for a few moments without blinking as his mind processed this new information, and then let out a giant sigh, "Well, that wasn't entirely what I was expecting. Congratulations are certainly in order, but I do understand what this entails." Dumbledore got up and started pacing.

Harry took a sip of tea, and asked, "What manner did you expect us to return?" He was curious, and trying to keep the room from getting too silent.

"A number of things, really. I was waiting for you to be so homesick that you simply had to return. There was a possibility that Severus would return… after, to relay the… news. But this is most… interesting. Don't get me wrong. I was certain that you two would find common ground, and realize that you have more in common with each other than you both realized and would therefore have an eventual friendship, and that one day, I was merely hoping you two would find comfort and something more in each other. Although I'm surprised you went so far as to get bonded, let alone married."

Severus couldn't help but snark. "Aren't you supposed to know everything? You knew I would try to help Harry when this all started. You knew I would follow him."

Dumbledore stopped pacing for a moment, "Divination is Professor Trelawney's area, not mine. I may know a great many things and be a good judge of character… most of the time, but even I cannot see everything. If I had, surely I could have stopped the war before it even started."

They all knew that was Dumbledore's main regret. The fact that he took pity on a little orphan boy, and that boy grew to be the most loathsome creature in the world and who nearly destroyed it single handedly. He continued pacing for a few more moments before standing before them. "The fact that you are both powerful Wizards could be the simple reason why you're able to conceive." He looked straight at Harry, not needing to know exactly which one of them carried. "The bonding ceremony could have been the catalyst."

Harry was still confused. "But I never had morning sickness or anything!" He was still trying to keep from being hysterical.

"Is that really so surprising?" Dumbledore asked, "A Wizard is not like a Muggle male. Your magical energies are what sustains a pregnancy. Therefore, it wouldn't be like a female pregnancy at all. A woman's symptoms are caused by the body's natural response to a foreign intrusion. However, your pregnancy is putting strain on your magical core, which will cause fatigue in your whole body, heart and mind. You probably wouldn't have noticed anything strange in your heart, but you must have felt it in your mind and body."

Harry nodded.

Dumbledore continued. "A bonding is a combination of energies, so the both of you would have experienced a heightened sensation of your magical cores." He thought for a few more moments. "Severus, do you still wear the arm guard?"

Severus lifted his sleeve to show his bare arm. "The guard shattered during the bonding ceremony. We're not sure why."

Dumbledore nodded. "I'm not really surprised. Harry poured all of his pure love for you into that guard. That manifestation of love, protection and everything positive, combined in order to block out the darkness and negative energies of your dark mark. I assume it did its job?"

"Incredibly. I only took it off once since I had received it. It helped me see through the darkness and led me into the light." Severus looked at Harry with fondness in his eyes. Harry couldn't help but blush.

Dumbledore went on, "But when you two *cough* consummated the bond, those same feelings and energies were spread throughout you internally. As such, to simplify it, the energies of the bond combined with the energies used in the arm guard, and forced the two to merge like two strong magnets coming abruptly together. Since the dark mark was sandwiched between the two forces, it was not strong enough to withstand that amount of energy, and was squashed out like one would crush a bug under a heavy boot. And the force of such immense energy was enough to shatter the armguard shortly afterwards, since there was no longer any negative energy to block, making the physical band inert and redundant."

Harry touched Severus's bare arm in awe as he thought about it. He then heard Severus speak softly. "That's all well and good… But what do we do now?" Harry waited with bated breath for the answer.

Dumbledore was silent once more. He sat down, and sipped his tea before he spoke, "I have a few options to suggest, none of which are easy…" he took another sip. "But before I get to them, I also have some other news I wish to impart on you about your curse, Harry."

Harry perked up at this. "What is it?"

Dumbledore rose, and walked over to his desk. In a locked drawer, he retrieved what looked like a very old manuscript wrapped in a velvet cloth. He returned to his seat, resting the tome on his lap. "Whatever you might have thought, I have not been sitting on my posterior while you were suffering, Harry. Even long after you left, I never stopped trying to look for answers. Very much like your young friend Ms. Granger. I searched high and low for this, pulled every string and cashed in every favor I could to get my hands on it. This…" He gestured to the precious item on his lap, "is Merlin's very first Grimoire. Penned by Merlin himself."

Severus and Harry couldn't hold in their gasps of surprise. This was probably the rarest magical book in the whole of the Wizarding World. The Holy Grail of Wizardum and all things associated with Magic. They couldn't even imagine what it must have taken for Dumbledore to acquire such an item. They were afraid to even breathe around it.

"The information held within these pages have been divided and disbursed into several abridged editions of spells and curses. The Ministry and a few other places held a limited number of copies. I had the privilege to read a few years and years ago. I believe Voldemort somehow got his hands on a few such books. Those volumes hold records of Merlin's personal magical knowledge, but the whole book was never copied entirely, for it also reads like a journal, detailing Merlin's encounters with Arthur, Nimue who history calls the Lady of the Lake, and most importantly, Morgana or Morgan La Fey. The spell Merlin placed on this tome ensured that those encounters could never be copied in any form, believing that his personal opinion should be forgotten with time, as the relevancy of his life faded. This volume came into my possession not long ago, and I was going to call for you as soon as I was certain of my findings, but I shall tell you what I have found among these pages. Merlin kept an account of spells and curses Morgana used throughout their association. In doing so, he prepared for future generations to defend themselves against such horrible spells. Some of her curses include the three Unforgivables which I know you are both familiar with." He paused a moment to let that sink in. He took in a great breath before he continued. "It appears I was wrong in my previous knowledge concerning the Cruentis Cor. The knowledge recorded in the other books were incomplete without the personal knowledge Merlin observed. As such, I now believe Voldemort did indeed perform the curse to the fullest extent of its intent."

Needless to say, Severus and Harry were both shocked to hear this new development.

"The incomplete copies explain that the curse is meant to take every good feeling you have and turn it against you, eventually killing you. For most cases, this is probably true. But when dealing with exceptional Wizards, the nature of the curse can turn into something far more sinister." Dumbledore carefully leafed through the fragile pages until he came to the passage he was looking for. He read from the text, "Morgana wished for a way to punish those around her in the cruelest way possible. One that prolonged suffering and killed the victim slowly. I know she intends to use this on myself, Lancelot, or Arthur himself. But the spell was erratic. It never yielded the same effect twice. This confused her, and as such, abandoned it as an effective spell against her enemies. I however understand the problem. Her magic is influencing the spell. A lesser Witch or Wizard would have no problem performing such a horrific curse. But the emotion she has for the victim plays on how the curse will affect the person individually. I heard one of her followers call it the Cruentis Cor. Cruel magic indeed from such a heartless Witch. The vindictive part of me wonders if her heart would truly bleed from such a curse."

Dumbledore closed the tome, and wrapped it up gently, "When Voldemort cast the curse, he poured his hatred for you and his fear of death into it. That hatred and fear imprinted onto your heart like an invisible hand taking hold. In a way, Voldemort has found a way to keep himself alive in your mind through your fears and sorrows, and is trying to kill you from beyond the grave. The main drive for your fear and sorrow was the fact that you were trying to hide your feelings from Severus. And the cruel words from Severus played on your fears and sorrows equally, affecting you in the most efficient way possible."

Harry asked, "Was it like when he split his soul into the horcruxes?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "No, he didn't have much soul left after the horcruxes were destroyed. His only chance was to imbue a… copy of himself in a sense. There is no conscious form to the curse, only intent. I'm sure you noticed that when you two got closer, the triggers for your pain shifted."

Harry thought back to his 'episodes'. The more he thought about it, the more he did realize they were fueled by either sorrow or fear. "So theoretically, if I stayed happy and safe, then all of this would have been avoided?"

"Perhaps, but I'm sure the curse would have evolved into something else. The intent to kill was always present. And it could be influenced by your other emotions. We are never void of negative emotions."

Severus couldn't help but feel responsible still. "I'm so sorry Harry…" He buried his face in Harry's hair, and tried to keep from crying.

Harry reached up and stroked Severus's hair, and pulled him back so he could kiss his forehead. "I know love…"

Dumbledore smiled fondly at the two as he gently levitated the tome to his desk. "It warms my heart to see you both like this. If I may Harry, I'd like to have a look at your wound."

Harry pulled back enough to undo his shirt and remove the wrappings.

Dumbledore's face was passive as he examined the damage. "Well, the good news is that it's not as bad as I expected it to be at this point. I'm sure you're responsible for that as well Severus." He smiled at the man. "In doing a bonding ceremony, you might have bought a few extra years of time for Harry, since he has your strength to rely on as well, even with the extent of the damage. I'm sure you were both fully aware of the implications of a full bond, and I respect your decision. But now… I'm sure this… child has thrown everything out of the loop."

The two nodded. As Harry put the wrappings and shirt back on, he tried not to think about it.

Dumbledore rubbed his eyes, before he continued, "Here are the difficult choices. Option one, you abort the child with potions." Harry cringed at that, he knew he couldn't do it. "Option two, you have the child, and make preparations for new guardians for… when the time comes."

Harry wanted to cry. He always wanted a loving family with his partner of choice, and thought that idea was ridiculous since it was a man first and foremost that he loved. Still, the thought was there, no matter how differently his life changed, and no matter what new developments happened, even with the curse, and finally being with Severus till the end. But the idea of leaving his child… they would be loved… very loved… could he do it?

Dumbledore wasn't finished. "Here is where it gets worse. Option three, you break your bond. Severus lives, and cares for the child."

"But I thought a full bond was unbreakable." Harry mentioned, confused.

"It mostly is. It's like pouring two different colored sands into the same glass. It looks like a new color that cannot be separated. But with enough time and patience, most of the grains could be sorted and separated back into the two original colors. There may be some stray grains held in each of the separate glasses of sand, but the link would essentially be broken. However, this is still a worrisome option even without all the added complications of your curse. The magical strain would not only be dangerous for you, Harry, but it would be exceedingly dangerous on your child." It must have indeed been unsettling if Dumbledore thought it was this hard to voice. "This curse is imbedded in you Harry. So deeply, in fact that the curse might end up affecting your child as it develops…" The elder looked close to tears as he explained this. "I fear that… there is a very high risk that the curse, with all of its exertions on your body, will cause you to have a miscarriage, which would cause you to bleed internally. The breaking of the bond may cause such a reaction as well. The other problem is that the curse will latch onto your child and carry over when they are born… meaning that… even with all the love and goodness everyone would show to them, the curse would eventually win in a few years…"

Severus held Harry as they both heard this. Harry reflexively held his stomach as he thought about such a horrible idea. He could indirectly be killing his child one way or another.

Dumbledore quickly forced himself on when he saw the two of them react to his words, "The fourth option is the most dangerous, but if it works, then it would be the most desirable outcome, which means your child will be safe and you two will live out your natural lives."

"You found a cure for the curse?" Severus exclaimed, hardly believing it.

"Not quite. But I may have found a way to battle it. Forgotten Magic with Forgotten Magic. Within the Grimoire, Merlin describes a way of ridding oneself of a curse, no matter what it may be. It is a spell that causes you to travel inside your own mind. Your body is put in a state of suspension, similar to that of a coma. Inside your mind, you will face a manifestation of your curse that you will have to fight and defeat. Your mind is your battleground, and your will is your strength. If you succeed, you will rid yourself of the curse. But if you fail, you die in your mind, and your body follows suit."

Harry stroked his stomach. "And… the child will be safe if I succeed?"

"Yes. You're not that far along, so the curse cannot affect your child until it develops a heart and mind to affect. But the pregnancy will drain you of strength the further along it progresses."

"So you're saying I have to decide what to do here and now?"

Dumbledore nodded. "I will leave you two alone for a while so you can decide amongst yourselves." Without another word, he excused himself from the office. The portraits all decided to leave the premises, leaving the two completely alone.

Harry couldn't stand it. He broke down, and his body wracked with uncontrollable sobs. Severus gathered him close and pulled him onto his lap. He cooed sweet things to Harry, trying to help him calm down, but he was near inconsolable at the moment. After ten minutes, Harry's tears seemed to run out, but he was still shaking.

"Harry? Will you listen to me?" Severus tried when Harry seemed as calm as he could be at the moment. He was only able to nod in response. "I think I already know what your decision will be, and I am behind you all the way." Harry froze and pulled back to look at Severus. Severus conjured some kleenex for Harry as he continued, "You're thinking about the fourth route, aren't you? I know you enough to know that you would hate the idea of having an abortion. You'd probably regret it till the very end. And as sad as you would be to leave our child behind, you'd rather they be born healthy without any chance of a curse on them whether I'm there or not. But taking the fourth path means that you would possibly die… we would die… and I want you to know that I am with you. I would rather die with you now rather than have our child harmed in any way. If it comes down to this moment… I want all of us to carry over into the next world together."

Harry leaned his head onto Severus's shoulder, and tried to get his breathing under control before he tried to speak. "I haven't been this scared… since I had to face Voldemort in the final battle… Everything… came down to that one moment in time. To fight to live… or die trying…I had other lives depending on me then too… and I think… I think I knew… I think this was… meant to be… there was a connection made long ago… I've been having… dreams… visions… something that shows a little… girl. I cannot remember the face, or much else… but it's like she's already chosen me… us… and I can't just turn away from that…"

Severus held him tighter, making sure he could still breathe, but encasing him in his embrace as much as possible. "I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case, love. You told me that you had a legitimate vision with a crystal ball once, so you may have some gift for divination after all. You just never had a good instructor to help develop it. Trelawney couldn't even predict what she would have for breakfast the next morning."

Despite everything, Harry chuckled.

"Harry, we've had some amazing adventures. I've never been so happy. I don't feel sad that this is what needs to be done. I am with you. Always."

Harry sighed and leaned further into Severus. "Thank you…"

* * *

In the quiet and empty halls of the school, the lone footfalls of the Headmaster made a direct path straight to the highest tower. There, he pulled out a charmed golden insignia ring. Tapping it three times with his wand, it began to glow. Speaking directly to the ring, he whispered, "It is time…come now…"


	30. The Final Hour

**Author's Note:** Hello awesome followers! I finally have a new chapter up, and I have also gone back and fixed some mistakes and continuity errors in the previous chapters. Please let me know if you find any more. It's a bit of a pet peeve of mine since my mother and sister are sticklers for proper grammar and spelling. Also, I've drafted out the rest of the story, so you won't have to wait very long for the remaining chapters. I've kept you in suspense for long enough.

* * *

Back in the office, Harry continued to try to calm himself down. He was completely safe in Severus's arms, and he felt the love simply pour from the man and into his own being. He truly was thankful that the fates allowed him to belong to Severus completely, and have those same feelings of devotion be fully reciprocated. No matter what, he knew he was the luckiest man in the world. That in itself helped Harry get control over his thoughts.

"So we're having a little girl, are we?" He heard Severus's rumble of a voice through his chest where his ear was.

Harry smiled. "Yes." But then a certain thought made him pull back. "I never even asked you… Have you ever wanted children… maybe not with me per-say, but ever?"

Severus was taken aback with the sudden question. He never even thought about it. But one look at Harry's worried face told him everything he needed to know that was veiled in that inquiry. "You mean to ask that with all the children I terrify, would I ever want to have a little scamp of my own, if children annoy me so? Is that it?"

Harry blushed, "Well, I know how you are with students… and with the war… I was just wondering…"

Severus laughed and kissed Harry's temple. "Harry, before you turned my world inside out and upside-down, I never thought anyone would ever want me as a partner, let alone having a child. I thought about adopting if there wasn't a war going on. The war sure created enough orphans who could use a good home, but my reputation as well as the fact that I am a known Death Eater would have denied any application attempt, no matter how many pardons I have from the Minister. Long ago, when I was still under the unhappy clutches of a family who did not want me, I vowed that if I ever had a family, that I would make sure that my spouse and child would never, ever feel as though I did not want them. I wanted to cherish them, and never let anything break that bond. So if you are indirectly asking me if I am ok with you being pregnant, then I will simply say that I am overjoyed with the idea! It is one more gift and long desired treasure you have given me. One more way that you have opened my heart, and given a reason to let more love in."

Harry leaned in so he could kiss the man on the cheek, right on the corner of his lips. "What shall we name her?"

"You want to name her now?"

Harry's face fell slightly. "… We may not get a chance later…" He sought to knock out that thought by attempting a little joke, "And I think if we were having a boy, then the default name would have to be Alphonse Teron." He tried to chuckle.

Severus laughed warmly as he nuzzled him with his nose, and sighed in concentration. "What about Lily?"

"As much as I love my mum, I don't think it's appropriate for _our_ daughter."

"Okay… Nothing from my family line as well then. They are undeserving to be the namesake for our daughter."

Harry chuckled and went back to mulling it over. After a few moments, he spoke, "How about… Rose Vita-Fidei…?"

Severus looked confused for a moment before something clicked in his mind, and he smiled, "Vita-Fidei… As in 'Faith in Life'?"

"Well, names have power too. And I wanted her name to mean something… something for the both of us. And Rose for La Vie En Rose. For when I found out your secret, and we decided to give this… us… a chance."

Severus rubbed his hand across Harry's front. "Rose Vita-Fidei Potter-Snape."

Harry smiled and rested his hand over Severus's, "If we pull through this…"

"You mean 'when'." Severus interrupted.

Harry groaned, " _When_ we pull through this, she will be our little miracle worker…"

"Agreed." Severus said as he nibbled Harry's nose, causing him to giggle.

Just then, the office door opened with Dumbledore in front of Professor McGonagull and Madam Pomfrey. The two on the couch were so shocked to see other visitors that they didn't even think to be embarrassed to being caught in such an intimate scene.

"My, my, Severus. Never have I thought I'd live to see the day…" McGonagull teased.

Severus actually blushed, but kept his hold on Harry. He was feeling like he did when he was a student, under the discerning gaze of his teasing Professor. "Yes, well… neither did I, I assure you." He said while giving a soft smile. One that McGonagull had never seen before.

Dumbledore stood in front of them. "Have you both reached an answer?" Even though everyone in the room knew which option it was.

Harry cleared his throat, "I want to try to rid this curse. It's the safest assurance we have for this baby…" _Even though the risks are great…_ He finished in his mind. He assumed Dumbledore had told them, otherwise why would they be present?

"Do you have your invisibility cloak, Harry?" Harry nodded, gesturing to his bag. "The students are in class right now, or outside on their free hours. But we do not want to draw attention to the two of you. I want you to follow me to the Room of Requirements. There, we will discuss how this will proceed." Dumbledore gathered some materials from his desk while Harry prepared to hide himself and Severus under the cloak before they all filed out of the office.

Walking through the halls of the school made the both of them very nostalgic for their former home. Severus never had a real home to return to, and he never really thought of Hogwarts as being his home until he left.

Harry felt the memories flood him when he thought of his classes and of the moving staircases. The residential ghosts with their pranks, and especially the constant house rivalry. It all seemed so trivial now that he was older. His animosity towards Draco and the other Slytherins,.. the Quiddich games… the trouble of finding a date to the dances… everything that made your life at school mundane and normal just felt silly to Harry now that he had a larger perspective of the world in general.

Harry was knocked from his reminiscence as they were all moving through the door to the miraculous room. It was especially large. In one corner, there was a full potions station. In another corner was a small living area with fireplace, couches, and small tables. A desk rested at another corner with large reference volumes and medical equipment. And in the center of the room was a simple, but large bed. The walls were enchanted to look like windows, so that they could see out across the beautiful land.

Dumbledore ushered everyone over to the couches, and took a seat in the armchair by the roaring fireplace. "Now then. We'll need some time to prepare, and I'm sorry you two, but you should be confined in this room while you are here. Madam Pomfrey will be here to do checks on you, Harry. I have given her all of the materials I've found concerning the curse, and she will make sure your child is indeed safe before we start. Severus, you will need to brew the required potion. I have the recipe here along with most of what is on the list. The rest should be available in the reserve closets but I want you to go through and make sure we aren't missing any ingredients."

"Who did you replace me with, by the way? Just out of curiosity." Severus asked as he took the items Dumbledore placed on the table.

"It's not Slughorn, if that's what you're worried about. He's happily retired…again. No, it's a new face. Plumera Greely. She obtained her mastership not long before all of this happened. She's young, but firm. She's had to help raise seven brothers and sisters while her parents both worked hard to support the family. She doesn't take any lip from the younger students, and she's endeared herself to the other students who remember your wrath." He leered towards Severus who looked properly chastised. "Professor McGonagull and myself will help perform the incantations that will help further Harry's concentration." He leaned forward, addressing Harry directly. "Harry, when you go into your mind, it will feel like you are dreaming. You may or may not be aware of what is going on or why you are there. Our incantations will help guide you. But your mind may throw obstacles in your path. We will not be able to help you beyond that point. You'll need to remember your own strength, and remember what is important."

Harry nodded, even though it was a lot to take in. He wasn't even sure he understood it. He felt Severus take his hand. Harry felt overwhelmed more than anything, but was glad he had these few people around him. Madam Pomfrey had helped patch him up every year he'd been here, and McGonagull had always been one of his favorite teachers, even though she was the head of his old house. He was still scared, but they had a plan. The best thing to do was to see it through, and to trust that all will be well. "I'm ready to begin." Harry said.

* * *

Over the next several hours, everyone was tirelessly working on their end of the plan. Severus was busy brewing the needed potion, which required his full concentration. Dumbledore and McGonagull prepared the barrier of protection around the bed and referred to the notes from the ancient tome on the incantations needed for Harry's stasis guidance. Madam Pomfrey did a full physical on Harry, and set up the magical pulse monitor to measure Harry's vital signs once he was ready.

When Harry wasn't needed, he wrote in his journal, trying to write down everything that happened within the past 48 hours, and tried to force himself to write a final chapter for his memoirs. If this was it, then he wanted to be sure the book was as complete as it was going to be. If he pulled through, then he'd happily write an epilogue.

The enchanted sun had set by the time Severus added the willow bark. He lowered the temperature and set the timer. "So far so good. This potion will need another hour to simmer before it needs the final steps."

"Very well. I'll have the house elves bring up some food. The three of us need to make an appearance in the Great Hall for dinner, but we will be back afterwards." Dumbledore squeezed Harry's shoulder before the three of them all filed out, leaving Harry and Severus alone in the quiet room.

Harry was sitting on the edge of the bed looking at his fumbling hands in his lap. His mind was a million miles away. He felt a little exposed since he didn't have a shirt, but they needed to fully examine the progress of his cursed wound. A shiver traveled down his spine as he felt two large hands gently caress and rub his shoulders. He couldn't help but let out a light moan as those magical hands knew just the way to ease the tension hidden within the depths of his over taxed muscles. Just when he was losing himself to the touch, he felt the hot moisture of breath next to his ear. "Tell me what troubles you. You've been too silent since we came into this room." Severus settled down next to him and pulled him close. The room was too large and empty. With just the two of them, it felt only natural to speak softly.

"I don't know what else to say." Harry said, not looking up. "I know what needs to be done, and despite how uneasy I am… I just… I never wanted to be in this situation ever again. Where I was on the edge of a battle, awaiting my fate. I know it's pointless to ask, but I can't help but wonder why? Why must I be forced into these situations constantly? Wasn't my life full of enough danger and pain? Why must it rule me?" No tears came, though Harry felt the pull on his eyes keenly, as though they were too spent and exhausted to waste any more moisture on his behalf.

Severus rubbed his bare arms, sharing his warmth before he spoke, "I wish I knew, Harry. And if it were in my power, I would face this task for you. At this point, words of comfort may not be all that comforting. But I hope that you will allow me to hold you."

Harry turned so that he could look at his husband. "I have a better idea. Would you please… dance with me? Our dance… the one we performed together… Just one last time?"


	31. Last Dance

Severus stood, and pulled Harry up so that he could pull him close and rest his forehead against his. "There'll always be one more dance, Harry. There will never be a 'last dance' for us." He kissed Harry's forehead and pulled back to remove his shirt as well. He waved his wand to have music play from the enchanted walls. The candles dimmed, and the two of them were bathed in the soft golden light that shifted their shadows around the floor. No more words were spoken as Severus pulled Harry close in their starting positions. It was slightly different with Severus's added height, but the connection that now rested between them made this an even more intimate setting. As they let their bodies move through the familiar steps that allowed them to get so close to one another in the first place, they both felt the shared intensity of the moves as their arms glided onto bare torsos, and their hands slid over smooth muscles. Every touch was soothing. Every movement was bliss. Even the speed of their movements and labored breathing intensified their experience. This moment was for them. The only two souls who matter in the entire world. Three, counting their little one. When the dance ended, they were both panting, and a light sheen of sweat covered their forms.

Harry was about to pull away before Severus pulled him even closer, and continued to move as the music shifted to a familiar melody. The lullaby Harry had grown so fond of, and now associated with his new unborn child. He couldn't help the smile that graced onto his lips. "Close your eyes… Listen to my voice…" Severus whispered close to his ear as they moved together. "In this space, we are safe. Nothing exists but the two of us. Nothing can hurt us. Nothing can see us. We are essence. We have no form. We are the purest energy. Like a candle blowing in the wind. We refuse to be put out, but let the wind blow around us. Let our bodies move and flow on the waves of the music. Let the lullaby sweep your consciousness away, and let yourself simply… be. Let the embodiment of our spirits embrace as one. Feel the strength all around us. Feel the energies flowing through us. Our essence is shining with a radiant light now. Feel that light burn in your core, feeling the warmth as it spreads through your soul. You are safe, Harry. I won't let any harm come to you, and I won't ever let you fall. Open your eyes. Look into mine. And see the truth…"

Harry was so relaxed, that when he opened his eyes, he felt as though he were waking from a pleasant dream into an even more wonderful reality. Severus's eyes were filled with such warmth and love directed his way that it was hard to even remember the man ever being cold and distant. None of that mattered now. Right now, Harry was at peace. He truly did feel like energy wrapped in the arms of his love. The same words that were spoken to him oh so long ago held newer and truer meaning now. He couldn't help himself. He leaned up to kiss the man softly and gently on the lips when he pulled back, he smiled up at him. "I don't know how, but you have a way of taking away my fear with your words. Somehow, they give me strength, and I feel like this is not the end. Not really."

Severus returned the smile. "It's simply another hurdle. One we shall cross together."

"Thank you my love."

Just then, a house elf popped in, carrying a large tray of food. "Do forgive the intrusion. Wispy will be out of your hair momentarily. Is there anything else Wispy can get for you sirs?"

Harry laughed as he felt slightly embarrassed. "No thank you."

"Very well then. Just call Wispy if Wispy can do anything!" With another pop, the little creature was gone.

"Good thing we weren't caught in an even more compromising position." Harry mused.

"Oh, and what kind of position would that be to merit such a lovely blush?" Severus teased as he snaked his arms around Harry's middle.

Harry simply groaned. "Let me rephrase. You take away the fear, but you replace it with burning humiliation!" He said nearly pouting.

Severus chuckled. "Only because I adore you…" He said as he nibbled on the shell of Harry's ear. Harry squirmed out of the man's grasp and grabbed a sandwich from the tray as Severus moved to put his shirt back on.

* * *

When everyone reconvened in the enchanted room, everything was nearly ready. Harry sat on the bed feeling more prepared for what he was about to face. His fear abated, and he simply went along with what was being done around him, as though his mind had been switched off, and his body just moved where the Medi-witch needed it to.

Finally, Severus came up to hand him a small bottle filled with a dark red potion. When Harry reached up to grab it, Severus pulled their hands towards him, so that he could plant a kiss on the tips of Harry's fingers before releasing his hold.

Harry blushed as he heard McGonagull snicker. He wiped his face as Dumbledore came to stand in front of him. "Now Harry. This potion will help you fall into a deep trance. When we fall asleep, normally our minds often wander to various different thoughts, memories, or feelings. When a particularly pressing issue is in the forefront of our minds, our dreams often take that idea and run with it. The potion will help focus your mind so that it will help guide your subconscious to where you need to be. It's alright if you don't understand. Just remember what you're looking for, which is the source of the curse." Dumbledore looked down at Harry with sympathy. With the gaping wound on his chest, Harry looked more fragile than when he went into battle against Voldemort. Dumbledore let out an exhausted sigh and place a gentle hand on Harry's shoulder. "Are you ready?"

Harry was still staring intensely at the potion. It all came down to this moment. He closed his eyes, and thought about Severus who stood behind him. Just knowing he was there was a great comfort. Then he thought of the elusive figure who danced on the edge of his dreams… His Rose… His old Gryffindor pride reminded him that if he couldn't do this for himself, then he should do it for her. So that she would have a chance to be safe and they could all be together. Focusing on this helped Harry solidify his resolve and he refused to be afraid of the consequence. He opened his eyes, raised his head, and spoke with confidence. "I'm ready."

Dumbledore squeezed his shoulder, and stepped back, "Then take the potion and lie down."

Harry looked towards him. "First of all, while I have a chance… Thank you. Thank you for everything. I know I've said it before, but I felt like I never said it enough. To all of you."

The other two women nodded, having nothing more to add, or refused to break composure for the risk of crying. Poppy squeezed his hand briefly, and McGonagull came up to give him a gentle hug before resuming her post at the head of the bed, ready for Dumbledore's instructions.

Harry pulled his attention back to Dumbledore. "My journal is on the coffee table. If the worst should happen, would you please see to it that it gets published?"

Dumbledore smiled, "Of course, my boy."

Harry looked over to Severus. He wished the man could sit next to him on the bed, and maybe hold his hand, but Dumbledore said that nothing living should be in contact with him, in case it distracted him, and he focused on the wrong things. Harry tried to say something, but nothing came. Severus saved him once again by leaning down, grasping his face like before and sweetly kissing him, "I love you, Harry… We are together… In this life… and the next… forevermore…" He punctuated each statement with a gentle kiss. Each on a different spot on Harry's serene face until he came very close to his ear. "…Let's get this over with so that I can shag you over my old desk down in the dungeons, and we can both shout our joy to the heavens." With that, he kissed Harry firmly but bordered on obnoxious as Harry giggled and swatted the man away.

Trust Severus to break the somber mood by making Harry blush and laugh, as well as give Harry another incentive to pull through. Finding no reason to delay any longer, Harry downed the potion, handed the bottle to Dumbledore, and shifted himself so that he was laying in the center of the bed. He closed his eyes, and thought about the hazy sensation that started to fog up his mind, and channeled it to the warmth growing in his chest.

Dumbledore stood at the foot of the bed, and together with McGonagull started to chant the incantation that pulled Harry's consciousness to a different plane, similar to the realm of dreams.

All Severus could do was stand on the side lines… and watch… and wait…

* * *

When Harry's head stopped swimming, he still found it difficult to focus. Everything seemed… strange around him. It was dark, and bleak. Like an old black and white photograph.

"Greetings Mr. Potter… Looking for something?" The figure of none other than Tom Riddle pulled out of the shadows, but it wasn't alone.

Trapped within the threatening confines of the man's arms… was a child. A beautiful little girl who looked into Harry's soul. Her teary eyes pleaded for help as she stood helplessly at the end of the man's wand. In a hushed whisper, as though she was too afraid to speak, she murmured only one thing, "…Daddy…"


	32. Waiting to Live or Waiting to Die

The wait was crushing Severus. All he could do was watch the steady rise and fall of Harry's chest, and hoped it would rise once more. It didn't help that the other three people in the room were standing as still as statues, waiting for the slightest change from the prone figure on the bed. Severus wished he could do more than just stand around in a vast room that he would accurately label as 'Silent as the Grave'. He felt so utterly useless. Especially since this could very well be his own last minutes on Earth. It felt as though he drank poison, and was just waiting to see if the effects would take hold of him at anytime. Or he felt like that stupid cat those Muggle Professor's named after that famous Squib… Schrodinger, something. Either way, trying to keep his own heart calm was taking all of his strength and training.

Without asking for permission, he moved a chair close to Harry's bed and leaned in. A swift glance towards Dumbledore's stern gaze told him he shouldn't disturb anything on the bed. He nodded in acknowledgment, and shifted his focus onto Harry as he rested his chin onto his clasped hands. He needed to hold something. He wanted to hold Harry. But clasping his hands was the best he could do to keep himself together as he prayed for Harry to open his beautiful eyes. Just once more.

* * *

Harry watched as he slowly approached the figure of Tom Riddle. He looked different from the snake-like man he'd always known. He looked like the version of Tom that he found in the Chamber of Secrets all those years ago, only older. "Wondering about my looks, are you?" The man asked.

Harry didn't respond. He just waited and observed.

"Rather surprising, I must say. I suppose I should thank you for giving me this form."

"What are you talking about?"

"We are in your mind, my dear Harry. This…" He gestured to everything around them, "Is a small peak to how dark it is inside your own mind. Where's all the love you pride yourself on, huh?"

Harry shifted his angry gaze to the frightened child in the man's arms. "Let her go." Harry said with a force he didn't truly feel.

"Who? Oh, this?" He tightened his grip, causing the little girl to mumble in pain. "She's not real, Harry. She's merely a shadow to bait your heroic nature. She's not really here. I'm not really here. The only one here… is you."

"Then why hold onto her if she's just a shadow? Why threaten her?"

"I'm not doing anything Harry. Haven't you realized it yet? You're doing this yourself. Your own fears and doubts. I'm only here because you want me here. You want me to be the one to blame. You expected me to attack your child, and now… here we are. Aren't you the terrible father." With that, he shook his head with condescending tsks on his lips.

"I don't understand."

"Well then allow me to enlighten you. When was it that you were affected by the curse? Think back to the beginning, and don't try to lie to me. I'll know if you lie."

Harry decided it was best to play along, "When Severus talked down to me and insulted me."

Tom nodded, "Yes, but then...?"

Harry stared blankly.

Tom sighed and shook his head, "Honestly, I guess I really do need to spell it out for you. When Severus was no longer mean to you, you still bleed. So who is hurting you Harry?"

Harry was afraid to answer.

"Yourself!" Tom shouted causing both Harry and the child to flinch. "Every night when you went into your mind, you left yourself open and vulnerable to me. I didn't have to do much. I just amplified your doubt and your regrets, and that hurts you more than whatever Severus could say about you. You've been your own worst nightmare. You are killing yourself with the doubt and darkness you still hold in your heart. No matter how happy you think you are, you will never be rid of doubt. Oh! And by the way… Who told you it could only get worse?"

"Who…?"

"Yes Harry. Who did you listen to? Whose words gave you no cause to doubt their validity? One so full of knowledge and wisdom, you would believe anything they said…"

"You mean?" Harry couldn't find the words.

Tom's smile grew. "Now I see you're getting it. The only one who appeared to know what they were talking about. You took their words for truth and so, the seeds have already been sewn and the idea and doubts have grown."

"I still don't understand."

Tom was starting to get annoyed. "Think about it you stupid boy. Who was the one who told you, you were going to die?"

"…Dumbledore…" Harry spoke softly, barely able to get air to pass through his lungs in order to make a sound.

"Exactly! And because of that, you believed him. Always believed him, no matter what happened. Don't you see? Your wounds wouldn't bleed for months at a time. Sure, they wouldn't heal, but they didn't get any worse until you remembered that you were supposed to be dying! If Dumbledore never said anything, you would have spent years with just a big hole on your chest. It would be uncomfortable, sure. But it wouldn't have gotten worse. You believed Dumbledore when he said you only had a couple years to live, and because of that, you are fulfilling your own prophecy by filling yourself with doubt, sadness, and regret, and therein, making me stronger. Whose idea was it that you go into this coma?"

Harry didn't answer, because he knew the shadow knew.

"Exactly. He trapped you in here where you are at your weakest. You cannot escape your own nightmare!"

* * *

Harry's body lurched, startling Severus nearly out of his skin. He looked down at Harry as he watched with horror as the wound opened up, and bled freely in a steady trickle. "What's happening?" He asked, afraid of the possible answer.

"Harry is losing the fight. He's too open and vulnerable." Dumbledore came around and grasped Severus's shoulder, as though he was keeping the man grounded and prevented him from going to pieces. "He is locked in a nightmare. Even if he is aware, we can never fully control our lucid dreams. Some rare moments perhaps, but not completely."

Severus tried to keep himself calm, despite the amount of blood he was seeing. "I have great confidence that Harry will be able to defeat this. He's faced down Voldemort before."

"You don't understand Severus." Dumbledore said, worry clearly laced in his voice. "Harry has faced the human monster that Voldemort was, and has succeeded in defeating him. But the real monsters we face are easier to handle than the monsters of our own imaginations. This is what makes this process so dangerous. Harry has to face his own fear. Most people can't even do that consciously. But being trapped in its own domain within your mind… it is the greatest power anyone can face. Your true fear… Your true self…"

Severus swallowed the tight knot in his throat. "How many people were able to rid their curses using this technique?"

"Merlin had to use it himself to cure himself of another of Morgana's curses. His description of what he saw is not for the faint of heart. His curse took the form of Queen Mab. And she destroyed everything he ever cared about, and showed him such torturous images… But through the rest of his days, he's never heard of another soul who faced such trials… and lived to tell the tale."

The fear that gripped Severus's heart amplified. He couldn't just sit by, waiting, and hoping, while his love was locked in this treacherous slumber. He spotted the remainder of the potion on the table. There was enough for one more dose. Without another word, he grabbed the potion, crossed over to the other side of the bed and downed the contents of the vial.

"Severus, what are you doing?!" Dumbledore shouted in shocked outrage.

Severus didn't look at him. Instead, he crawled onto the bed as he felt the potion run through his system, beginning to shut down his functions, pulling him into forced slumber. He settled down and rested his head next to Harry's on the pillow. He reached down to grip his husband's left hand and intertwined their fingers. The matching rings touching each other slightly. "Harry and I are linked through the bond. If there is even the smallest chance I can help him this way, I'll take it." Losing more of his strength, he barely had enough energy to stretch out his mind to Harry using Occlumency and to whisper in Harry's ear. "Feel me in your mind, Harry. Guide me to you. Let me fight with you… I love you…" With that, his breath slowed, and the two of them lay there, silent and still. Madam Pomfrey kept vigilant watch on them both as the room grew silent once more.

Dumbledore looked at the two of them, and couldn't help the small smile that tugged on his lips. "Time for the next phase…"


	33. A Nightmare Come True

Harry watched in horror as the area around him grew darker, and the shadows appeared to creep towards him for no apparent reason. The brightest spot he could focus on was the pure white dress the little girl wore… His Rose. He locked his gaze onto her, and focused. She was as pure and bright as a light. A beautiful white flame that warmed his heart as he studied her features. She had Severus's eyes underneath her long lashes. Seeing those eyes so full of fear stirred something inside Harry. He smiled at her, as though reassuring her everything was going to be alright. More than anything, he wanted to hold her.

Momentarily, forgetting his fear, he looked around. He didn't have his wand, and there was nothing around he could use as a weapon. But as he looked at the ground, he noticed that the shadows had stopped advancing. It was then that he heard Severus's words in his mind. _Nothing exists but you. Nothing can hurt you. Nothing can see you. You are essence. You have no form. You are the purest energy. Like a candle blowing in the wind. You refuse to be put out, but let the wind blow around you._ Looking at the shadows on the ground, he let those words repeat over and over in his mind. Shadows can't touch a candle's light, and he would not allow his light to be snuffed out so easily. Wanting to keep his child safe fed the fire within his heart, and as if reacting to it, the shadows began to retreat.

"How quaint. You really think you can fight me." Tom said calmly as though everything going on around him was nothing more than a complete bore.

"I'll always fight. So long as I have the strength."

"Really… Showing off for your daughter, then? Look how strong Daddy is?" He said sarcastically. "We both know who holds the high ground here."

Harry felt another figure approach behind him, but he didn't want to take his eyes off of Tom. However, his entire being froze once he heard the figure behind him speak.

"Who do you think you are?" The voice was cold… unfeeling… and oh, so familiar.

Harry dared turn around as he looked straight into another set of dark eyes. Only these were not welcoming.

"My life was just fine until you came along and destroyed it." The man wearing Severus's angry face advanced, causing Harry to step backwards. "Why couldn't you just leave me alone? Why did I have to follow you around like some sort of loyal dog? I'm tired of walking on egg shells around you."

Harry kept walking. Unable to tear his eyes away from that murderous look coming from the man he loved. He couldn't breathe, and he couldn't think. "No… this is a lie…" He knew this was not his Severus. So why did it hurt so much? He had to admit it to himself, that even after everything… he still doubted Severus's loyalty to him.

"Why deny it?" Came a voice behind him as he bumped into a strong torso. Whipping around, he saw another Severus looking down at him with hatred. "I'm sick of playing the nursemaid. I don't know what I was thinking binding myself to a snot nosed brat like you."

Harry could see movement out of the corner of his eye as he saw yet another Severus approach him.

"Did you really think everything was going to be sunshine and rainbows? I'm a hard man who's lived a hard life. Do you think I could ever live without feeling anger? That we would never have an argument? Do you really think we could have lived more than one year together?"

Harry clutched at his chest as every harsh word stabbed him with a shooting pain through his already fragile heart. He couldn't help but think of this and let dormant and awful scenarios sink into his mind. Would they even last being married to each other for one year? Or 10 years? This shadow was right. No one could go that long and not have crippling problems. Severus would tire from taking care of him… He would leave him…

As Harry's breath grew shallow, more and more figures came from the shadows and surrounded him. He felt trapped. Everywhere he looked, he could see that disapproving glare he's tried so hard to forget. All the while, he could hear Tom laughing harder and harder as Harry was surrounded, and drowning in the sea of oppression.

His hearing faded, and his vision blurred as those angry forms stood over him. He felt his body go numb, and his heart seep. He couldn't see his child. He couldn't find his light.

In the pit of deafness, Harry heard a whisper. _Feel me in your mind, Harry. Guide me to you. Let me fight with you… I love you…_ Those words… so gentle.

He choked on his tears as he whispered against his pain, "Severus… help me…" But all he could see were more figures coming in from far away. He could barely make out Tom in the back of the group as more Severus's came from behind him. He was about to look away when a sudden movement caught his attention. One Severus broke off from the straight path the other Severus's were walking, and moved to stand behind Tom. Before he could react, the Severus in question quickly grasped the man's head and sharply wrenched it to the side, effectively snapping his neck. Tom fell to the ground, letting go of the girl. The Severus grabbed her hand and charged towards the main group of doppelgangers. He shoved and punched at them as though it were a violent game of Red Rover. Finally, he broke through the barrier, and looked at Harry. "I never knew I had such a thick skull!" He smiled.

Harry was so relieved to see that smile, that he couldn't help but throw his arms around this Severus. "Gods, I love you Severus!" He didn't care if the man was a figment of his imagination.

"I love you too Harry, but you could have a little more faith in me." He gestured to the mob around them who stood confused.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…" Harry continued to cry as he pulled away. He tried rubbing his face to clear his mind, but he only succeeded in spreading the watery mess as he sniffled. It wasn't until he felt a little body cling to him around his legs that he looked down. The face that greeted him was angelic and the smile on her face was so breathtaking that he didn't need any words as he knelt down to embrace her.

She was so tiny, but her arms around his neck gave him the strength to center himself as he stood up, holding her close in his arms.

"Now explain to me what is going on?" The Severus in front of him said.

"What do you mean?" Harry was beyond confused.

"Why were you being surrounded by a group of me with a crazy guy laughing at nothing funny?"

The little girl rested her head onto Harry's shoulder as though she were about to take a nap. As though she felt completely safe with him. Harry looked at this Severus, and tried to figure him out. "I wish I had the answers. I'm expecting something else to happen that will finally finish me off."

"Harry, I know you're just joking, but don't say that."

"Why not? I don't know what to do, and I can't help it." It felt like he wanted to cry again. "I'm half expecting you to be Tom, and attack me while my guard is down." The Severus's were still just standing there.

"I thought that's who that was. I thought he was the one controlling this mass."

Harry just looked at him blankly.

"Harry… It's me. I mean, it's really me. Your Severus."

Harry wanted to believe it. But he was doubtful. "How do I know that?"

Severus thought for a moment. "Your mother used to say that just because I was more stubborn than a mule, that I shouldn't act like the tail end of one as well."

Harry laughed, despite the situation. What he didn't notice right away was that the other Severus's were fading back into the woodwork, one by one.

The Severus that mattered continued, "Harry. If I'm right, then these phonies came from you, and you control them. You let them overwhelm you, and I nearly lost you…"

"You're really here then…?"

Severus leaned down to kiss him, "I'm really here. We're in this together."

"How touching." They both heard from behind them. Tom was in the middle of pulling himself up when he grabbed his own head, and cracked it into the proper position on his neck. Harry couldn't help but feel nauseous at the sight. "So, Severus. Did you really think a little stunt like that would get rid of me so easily?"

"Maybe not, but it made me feel better." Severus said, cracking his knuckles.

"Just because this is Harry's mind, don't think you can't be hurt." Tom appeared to be back to normal, but all traces of humor were gone. "Remember, anything goes."

"You're right... Anything goes. Avada Kedavra!" Severus shouted, raising a wand towards Tom, who was engulfed in a brilliant green light, and flown backwards.

"Where did you get that?" Harry motioned to the wand.

Severus smirked, keeping Harry in his peripheral vision. "I suppose it came from you. I didn't have one when I came here, but when that guy stood up, I felt it materialize in my hand. I suppose you wanted me to protect you."

"That makes me sound so weak, that I can't even protect myself."

"No, it just means you don't know the rules of this game board quite yet."

They both saw movement ahead of them, and Harry knew that Tom was still not defeated. "Then how can we stop him?" Harry whispered more to himself than anything. Harry thought for a moment. Having Severus here gave his mind more focus, and he was able to think straight for the first time since he arrived here. Before, his thoughts were as clear as pudding. Now, with vivid clarity, it felt as though time had slowed to a standstill while racing at the same time as his mind processed the information. He thought of everything that was said and everything that's happened the whole time he had been here, and what he was thinking and feeling when everything occurred… with Tom… with the shadows… and with the hoard of Severus's. Not to mention the sudden, convenient appearance of a wand in Severus's hand. Suddenly, everything Tom said made sense, and it was as though he was struck with an internal electrical shock.

He handed his precious bundle over to Severus, who took her without question, but he looked at Harry confused as to what was going on. Harry reached down and touched the wand in Severus's hand, lifting it up. A tiny hand joined them, and the wand began to glow between the three of them. Harry focused his love and energy into the wand, and without needing to speak, he could feel Severus do the same. He took the wand, and leaned up to give the man a kiss. Turning slightly, he kissed his Rose on her forehead. She smiled up at him, and that smile was all he needed to give him new found determination. Turning back to the man he adored, he spoke softly. "I'm not afraid anymore." Those words were heavy and full of more meaning than the individual words held alone.

Severus looked like he wanted to say something as well. But instead, gentle words were spoken by the little one in his arms. "I believe in you, Daddy!" Severus was startled by this, mainly because he now knew who this child was meant to be. Going along with it, he smiled proudly at Harry. "I believe in you with all my heart."

Harry could feel the love course through him coming from these two. It pooled in the center of his chest and channeled down into slim wand in his hand. He turned and walked towards Tom, who appeared to be waiting for him.

"Are we done with the hugging, and the kissing?" Tom asked drolly.

"Jealous, Tom?" Harry asked.

"Hardly. It's starting to make me sick."

"I'm sure. After all, you never had anyone. Your mother was crazy and abandoned you, your father resented and despised your existence."

"Are you goading me on Harry? That's pathetic." Tom smiled slyly.

"No, what's pathetic is you trying convince me that you have any power here."

"Oh really? It seemed to be convincing enough. You were losing yourself to the doubt. The darkness of your own thoughts nearly consumed you. You even brought Severus here in order to protect you, because you couldn't do anything to help yourself."

"Yes, but what I didn't realize before is that you were right."

Tom genuinely looked confused.

"You're not really here. Therefore you're not even worth the fear. So from now on…" Harry pierced the man in front of him with his fierce gaze. As though he was speaking to everyone and everything the man symbolized, "Stay out of my nightmares! Finite Incantatem!" With that, Tom's figure disintegrated like flecks of sand blowing away in the wind.

Harry lowered his wand, and walked back to Severus.

"That's it?" Severus asked, hardly believing it.

"Not quite. It's like you said. You thought Tom was the one controlling the group that had your face. But your observation was right. It was me. It was all me. Everything he said, and everything I heard was what my doubtful heart has been telling me all along. And no matter how you look at it, you can't ever purge yourself of all doubts."

"I don't understand, Harry."

Harry shook his head. "I don't think I fully understand it either, but something about this whole thing has been nagging at me since the very beginning. Something Tom said made some sense."

Before he could elaborate, there was a string of voices floating on the winds. They carried a sort of chant that couldn't be understood, but it sounded familiar. Severus thought for a moment. "I wish I knew what those incantations were that Dumbledore used. I hadn't heard that language before, and…"

"And what…" Harry gently prompted as the chanting grew incessant in the background.

"You know when you can somewhat understand the words of one language with your knowledge of another? Well something about those words were feeling off to me."

"That's not the only thing that feels off. What can you tell me about that potion you brewed?"

"I've never seen it before, that's for sure. But several of the ingredients are also used in both sleeping and dreamless sleep potions. But the inclusion of the Brandywine root was interesting. I've never used that for anything associated with any kind of sleep potion."

"Why?"

"Like Belladonna, or Deadly Night Shade. It's poisonous in large quantities." After seeing the look of horror on Harry's face, he rushed to explain, "There wasn't enough for me to feel it was dangerous to give to you. Otherwise I would have refused to give it to you, let alone ingest it myself. Trust me. But the combined effects would be like drinking a few glasses of wine after taking something else to help you sleep. Not the most preferable way to go under, I believe. It's probably why a potion like that was never in the mainstream."

"You trusted that Dumbledore knew what he was doing…" Harry mentioned.

"Yes." Severus said simply. The air around them was growing foggy. "Harry… What's wrong?"

"You're not the only one who trusted blindly. I know this isn't coming from me." His skin felt uncomfortable, as though something was compressing the air around them. Looking at Severus, he knew he felt it too. "I don't think… this was about me defeating my curse…"

"What do you mean?"

"It's a feeling I have…" Harry tried to remain calm. "But how are we supposed to wake up from a dream that is not a dream?"

Severus looked at Harry, trying to think of an answer. He figured they would simply wake up once it was over… but that chanting… for some reason, he felt it was somehow preventing them from doing anything.

Harry began to notice the area around them growing brighter. But it wasn't that feeling you get from waking up. It was more like losing yourself. Harry looked down at himself, and it felt as though he was not all there. As if bits of him were gradually slipping away. "Severus…"

Severus held onto Harry as he too felt the effects. It wasn't pleasant, and he could tell Harry was frightened.

Mixed in the chanting was a familiar laugh that blew passed them with hushed words. "You may have figured some of it out, Harry. But you're too late. Those incantations are not meant to help you concentrate. They are meant to further your deterioration. With Severus here, you are both locked in your mind with no way out. You'll never wake up. Therefore, you will both die here…"

Harry didn't know how, but he knew it to be true. He took Rose from Severus, and held her tight. He didn't want to leave her or Severus, but that feeling inside of him increased. It felt like they only had moments left until they too blew away in the wind.

"Daddy… I'm scared…" Harry looked at her, and kissed her cheek.

"I'm right here. I've got you, and I'm not letting go." As though emphasizing this, Severus wrapped his arms tightly around the two of them as well.

"We're together…" She smiled and sighed as though this solved everything.

Harry smiled as best as he could. "That's right… Severus, may I introduce you to our child… our little Rose Vita-Fidei." Harry couldn't help but start to cry.

Severus pulled back so that he could take a proper look. She was perfect. The spitting image of Harry while having Severus's eyes and skin. He ran his fingers through her soft hair and smiled, "Hello, beautiful…"

Her own smile grew as she leaned into the touch. "Papa…" She cooed. Severus's heart nearly erupted with feeling from that tiny word. He couldn't stop himself from crying as he gathered the two most important people in his life within the confines of his arms. He kissed both their heads and simply said, "I love you…"

Harry tightened his own grip as he added, "Now and always" as everything around them grew blindingly bright...

* * *

"Poppy. What's their status?" Dumbledore asked.

"Their breathing is shallow. Their hearts are slowing… wait…" The others stood in silence waiting for the Medi-witch to finish. Finally, she lowered her wand, and lowered her head. "They're gone…" She said barely above a whisper.

McGonagull let out a gentle gasp as Dumbledore ran his wand over Harry. After a few minutes he pulled back. Without showing any emotion, he turned away from the bed.

The room was so silent you could hear the movement of the fabric as Dumbledore walked away towards the door. He muttered a single word to himself that only the shadows in the walls could hear. "Perfect…"

* * *

 **Author's Note:** *Avoids flying objects* Don't kill me just yet! Hang in there. I hope this chapter was decent. I'm not that good with the psychological warfare, and this was the toughest chapter to write (I think I went through 5 drafts). Major writer's block mayhem. Will update soon!


	34. True Intentions

Dumbledore walked with purpose to the mighty door before he waved his wand, causing the heavy wood to creak and swing abruptly open, clanking loudly when it collided with the wall. Behind the opening, several people stood waiting on the other side.

"It is time. Please come in and find your place. Quickly now. There's not a moment to lose!" He said loudly. He summoned a platform to the head of the bed as everyone filed in. Smoothly and swiftly, several bodies moved around the bed as though they were choreographed. McGonagull and Poppy joined the ranks and waited for Dumbledore to speak. He took his place on the platform, and spoke loudly to the room. "Now, everyone. Have your wands in your right hand, and place your left hand onto the wand hand directly to your left. Wands pointed to the center. Wait for my prompt." Dumbledore's own wand joined in as the bed was encased within the confines of a giant circle of witches and wizards. Dumbledore placed his wand tip directly over the two still heads on the pillow. "Remember, we only get one shot at this, there can be no mistakes. No one must mispronounce anything, or all is lost. Are we ready?" There was a collection of nods around the group. "Let us begin then…"

Dumbledore closed his eyes, and concentrated. He could feel the connection of every single wand in the circle. Feeling the energy start to collect, he spoke in a powerful voice. " _Manus vermiculo, satus quinque. Magna Cotillion, corvini dive. Solanaceae promissio, spiritus nituntur. Quam praebuerat vivis servavit et mortuis viventes autem_." Opening his eyes, he looked to the rest of the group, and nodded.

Speaking as one, every person started to chant in unison, " _A vita in vitam. Da mihi partem. Unum anno, polliceor. Unum anno, ego partem._ " The tip of every wand began to glow and pulsate like that of a heartbeat. Each had its own rhythm, but as the chanting continued, they soon began to flash in synch with one another. The room seemed to be resonating with energy, and the stones in the wall almost groaned with the pressure.

Dumbledore had to concentrate on keeping his wand steady. The amount of force culminating through his person and into his wand was gargantuan, and trying to keep still was as tricky as keeping stationary on the top of a fast moving train. The heat was intense and the strain showed on everyone's face. This was the critical part. It was now or never. He raised his voice to the heavens as though demanding the universe obey his command… " _Cum mea. Ut me ad vos. Ex mea cor tuum. Veni ad nos. V_ _ITEA TANTUM INCIPIT_!"

All at once, the collective force shot through every wand, straight to Dumbledore, and down his wand to the two figures in front of him, engulfing them in a radiant cloud of electrical energy. The momentum of the strike nearly uprooted everyone as they all tried to recover from such a cathartic release. As the aura in the room faded, no one moved, no one spoke, and no one shut their eyes. Dumbledore came around to Harry's side, and beckoned Poppy to step forward to do a diagnostic. His wand, sadly, was destroyed in the effort of channeling so much magic from several different sources.

Everyone waited on baited breath as the Medi-witch continued her examination. An eternity of silence later, she finally smiled, looking up to everyone. "It worked…" She said, hardly believing it, "They're going to be fine…" With this, she couldn't help but start crying as several people around the room started cheering, clapping, and collapsing on the ground in relief.

"Poppy. Would you please…" Dumbledore indicated towards Harry's poor chest.

"With pleasure." She said through her tears as she performed a healing spell that knit together skin like stitches. There was a scar, but the majority of the damage was removed, and the heart underneath was no longer tainted with darkness. Instead, it beat with new life. Along with another alongside it that was bound to its rhythm.

"How's the little one?"

Poppy wiped her tears on her sleeve. "None the wiser. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to sit down for a moment." Her legs were shaking, threatening to give out from underneath her.

Dumbledore chuckled as he too sat down. He sat close to Harry on the edge of the bed, and reached out to gently shake the peacefully sleeping pair. "Harry… Severus… Come back to the land of the living, you two… You did so well..." He couldn't help the tears that slid out of his twinkling eyes. There was never a more welcoming sight than watching the two men groan and stretch into wakefulness.

Harry was the first one to rouse. Being disoriented, and his mind not fully aware of his surroundings, he naturally curled closer to the man lying next to him. That body in turn tightened his hold almost reflexively. Harry nearly lulled back into sleep if it wasn't for a familiar voice calling out from across the room, "Oi! Get a room, you two!" Several people around them started to laugh as Harry bolted upright in a near panic.

Dumbledore rubbed his arm reassuringly. "It's alright, Harry. You're safe."

Harry took a moment, trying to get his eyes to focus. As he looked around the large room, he shifted from face to face as he gazed upon the entire Weasley clan, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Blaise, Luna, Kingsley, all of his old Quiddich team members, several members of his former classmates in different years, most of his former teachers, and a few others he couldn't name. There must have been over a hundred people in that room, but they were all smiling and looking at him.

Forcing his voice to produce sound, he spoke, "I think I missed something…" That was all he was able to say before he had an armful of Hermione, crushing him into a fierce hug. Severus had roused himself, and was speechless as to what he was seeing, and just as confused as Harry was. He reached out and grasped Harry's hand as though it was his only anchor to reality.

"Um… Hermione… I kinda would like to breathe…" Harry wheezed as the hug grew tighter.

Hermione immediately released, and backed up, muttering several apologies. Harry smiled, but shifted his focus to Dumbledore. "What happened?"

Dumbledore smiled, "See for yourself." He said as he indicated that Harry should look down.

Harry looked down at his chest… His blood free chest… and he thought he was dreaming. Feeling a squeeze from his hand, he knew Severus was next to him, and probably knowing what he was thinking. "It worked…?" He could hardly believe it.

"Not in the way you think. And for that I must apologize. I promise to explain everything. But for now, I think there are a few people who you need to thank." He motioned to the whole room. "Every single person here gave you two a special gift. It is because of them that you both will now be able to live a long and natural life." Dumbledore gave Harry his shirt as he rose from the bed.

Harry felt exhausted, but once he was able to stand on his own, and put his shirt back on, he gladly went around the room to speak with everyone, and give more hugs than he's ever given in his life. Severus was also in the fray of people, getting hugged, and greeted by people he knew from his past. Everyone congratulated them on their recovery as well as their bonding. Harry was met with several squeals of delight from various females when he revealed he was pregnant. It wasn't until Harry showed their wedding rings to everyone that he heard a stern, "Unacceptable!" from none other than Mrs. Weasley. She moseyed forward as the room grew silent once more, and stood before the two of them with her hands on her hips. "I refuse to accept your marriage has any validity until you do it properly! And by that, I mean we do it at the Burrow, with a large ceremony, and an even larger celebration! Needless to say, I believe everyone here has earned the right to be on the guest list!" With that, everyone cheered and agreed that a wedding of weddings should most definitely be planned in order to commemorate the union and the rebirth of the two Saviors of the Wizarding World.


	35. Die To Live

A special gathering was held in the Great Hall, where everyone could talk, eat delectable finger foods, and drink any concoction they wished, within reason for the minors. Harry thought his face was going to split from all of the smiling and laughing he was doing. He told tales of his adventures, and gave a brief recap on how he and Severus ended up together. Ron never laughed so hard at the thought that Severus was actually trying to woo Harry.

Severus himself couldn't help but feel unnerved with all of the positive attention he was receiving. Never in all his life had he ever been in such a large group with people who were actually glad he was there. Everyone saw how much he had changed. He was smiling and joking with his old colleagues, and he accepted every embrace with enthusiasm. He never strayed too far from Harry, though. He was still afraid everything was just a wonderful dream, and he would wake up cold and alone, or worse. He was sure Harry was feeling the same underneath all of his smiles.

The hour was growing late, and everyone knew it was time to wind down the festivities. Final hugs were exchanged, and people started to slowly depart. Students went to their dorms as the curfew bells sounded, teachers retreated to their rooms, and everyone else was given accommodations for the evening, Dumbledore led Harry and Severus to Severus's old chambers. They had been untouched since he had left, since the new Potions teacher couldn't stand being in the dungeons more than necessary.

Severus felt particularly nostalgic as he walked into the familiar space. The fire roared to life in the massive fireplace, and he couldn't help but feel like he was home. Harry was looking around the room, admiring the décor when he heard Dumbledore clear his throat behind them. "I know you still have many questions, and I will be happy to answer any and all questions tomorrow morning. After a day like this, I'm sure you two are utterly exhausted. I'll arrange for breakfast to be sent here. Come to my office when you both feel ready. Until then, good night, and pleasant dreams." With a knowing smile to Harry, he left the two of them alone.

The silence was chilling as neither of them knew what to say. Severus made the first move, and drew Harry close, gently swaying the two of them. Not really in a full dance, but more like the gentle rocking of a mother with her child. It was soothing, and what they both needed at the moment. "Sickle for your thoughts?" He asked.

Harry rested his head on Severus's chest, and delighted in hearing the steady heart beat beneath his ear. He sighed in contentment as he closed his eyes. "I just… so much has happened… it almost feels like a lifetime since it was just the two of us…"

Severus smiled, "In a way, it was."

Harry lifted his head to look at him. "How much do you remember? When we were locked in my mind…"

Severus thought for a moment. "I think I remember most of it. It's almost like when you wake up from a dream, and it takes you a while to actually remember what went on… when you have to focus on what you remember, and more pieces fall into place."

"You heard… didn't you… we were gone… we were actually…"

"I know, love…" Severus tightened his hold. "But we are here…we are alive… you are cured… and our little one is safe…" Severus kissed Harry gently across his face.

"I'm just afraid of falling asleep again…"

"I understand… I feel the same…"

"And the last thing I want to do is take a potion!"

Severus nearly barked out a laughter as he picked up his young husband. "Then I will just need to keep your mind occupied on more pleasant things then. Even if it takes all night." Severus wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as he walked Harry into the bedroom.

Harry couldn't help his own sly smile as his hands sensuously rubbed over the man's chest. "A wildly outlandish authority figure fantasy come true… being passionately ravished by my feared professor within his own territory…"

"I've never fantasized about taking a student or even a former student to my chambers to do wicked things to them." He said as he laid Harry gently onto his old bed, and proceeded to discard his lover of his burdensome clothing.

"Weren't you the one who wanted to, and I quote, 'shag me over your old desk down in the dungeons, and we can both shout our joy to the heavens'?" Harry brought his own hands up to start on the man's shirt.

"That's my desk. That's something totally different. That is going to be fierce, hard, and swift with perhaps a little experimental spanking on the side." Harry gasped and shivered at the very idea. "My bedroom on the other hand would be something far more intimate. Of slow teasing and languid touching. Mapping out all of our most sensitive spots. Keeping ourselves on the edge as our hearts soundly beat." He finally removed Harry's shirt and looked in wonderment at the faint white cross that was all that remained of the garish curse. He leaned down and kissed it gently. Grateful in the knowledge that Harry won't ever feel pain like that ever again. He lifted up, to shift his focus back to Harry's expressive eyes. He continued with his train of thought, "Reminding us that we are indeed alive and grateful to any and all things that gave us a chance to live, love, and finally have the happy conclusion we both thought was out of our reach…" With this, Severus kissed the man beneath him with yearning passion. Pulling back, he added, "Though shouting to the heavens is still mandatory. And it's a good thing that all of Hogwarts is naturally soundproof."

Harry giggled madly as his husband all but pounced, and proceeded to give him pleasures that could only be reached in the land of the living. When they both finally fell with exhaustion in the very early hours in the morning, neither one of them had to worry about nightmares. Instead, Harry dreamed of a gentle smile, a beautiful laugh, and all the unconditional love that went with it.

* * *

As the knock sounded on the imposing office door, Dumbledore was finishing with the small table where he set items for a proper afternoon tea. "Come in!" He said cheerfully.

Harry and Severus walked in, and after being shown where to sit, Dumbledore poured each of them all a cup, and settled into his armchair waiting for this weighty conversation to begin.

Dumbledore decided to start with an easy question. "How did you two sleep?" At seeing the blush on the two faces, he couldn't help but chuckle.

"Do you want details, or would you like me to paraphrase." Severus quipped.

"Severus!" Harry shrieked as he nearly dropped his cup with an attempt at whacking his husband's arm.

Dumbledore let out a bark of laughter as the ice was essentially broken. "Oh, it's good to hear that kind of humor coming from you, Severus. I can't tell you. When you were a boy, I knew you were often unhappy, and even more so as an adult. But I can feel how light your aura is now, and it's a relief to see you so effervescent."

Severus put his arm around Harry as they sat in the loveseat together. "I never would have seen myself in this position two years ago. Not happily married, or ever so completely in love…" He said as he gave Harry a squeeze.

"I'm glad to hear that." Dumbledore beamed at them.

"As overjoyed as I am at how everything turned out… there are still many things that are bothering me…" Harry said somberly.

"I understand. Which part would you like me to explain first?"

"Well, you said that I would need to confront the embodiment of my curse in order to defeat it… but what I faced was not the so called embodiment I thought… I suppose what I really want to know is, what happened to me? To us?"

Dumbledore set down his tea cup and settled back in order to explain. "The method of going into yourself to defeat a curse is possible. But for your curse Harry… It would not have worked completely. I'm sure you know why."

Harry thought, "Because the embodiment of my curse was my doubts, and no matter what, you can never rid yourself of your doubts…"

"Precisely! This curse and a handful of others are the only ones that that method would not be able to cure."

"So what was it that we did see? The man we did face?" Severus asked, confused and not quite following.

"Merely a suggestion implanted. Harry expected the embodiment to take some kind of physical form, such as a man. In this case, Tom Riddle." Dumbledore explained. Harry had told him everything he remembered the night before, while it was still fresh in his mind. "But this is where I start to take the blame for everything that's happened. You see, I needed you both to be in that coma in order to proceed with what I had planned. I must admit, Severus. You both surprised me with your bonding, and you complicated the process of the plan unknowingly."

"What plan…?" Severus said, with a spark of his old dangerous tone.

"Long story short, and I will go into detail in a moment. But with the state of your curse Harry, you had to die… before you could live. In a dead body, a curse no longer needs to remain, for its task and goal has been completed. So you needed to be in a state of suspended death in order for you to be revived without the curse. It's a very dangerous and a very old forgotten magic that was within the pages of Merlin's Grimoire. So we were still fighting forgotten magic with forgotten magic. Just not the way I explained to you before. Yes, I manipulated you both. For that, I am sorry for betraying your trust, but I am not sorry for doing it, since the results speak for themselves." Dumbledore indicated to Harry's curse free chest.

"I had to die… in order to live… why didn't you say that's what you were going to do? Why hide it?" Harry asked, trying to be understanding.

"For two reasons. One, I purposefully kept information from you and gave you misleading information because of what you faced in your mind. I know it would taunt, torment, and tease you with possibilities and scenarios that weren't entirely wrong. But your mind could only taunt you with what you, yourself knew. Everything you faced was pulled together from all of your knowledge of the situation. As I understand it, your doubt made you question my validity." Harry nodded, confirming this. "In a way, I catered to that doubt on purpose. But, because of your bond, you were both connected to your curse, and so, I had to manipulate the both of you, so that you would both take the potion and be in the tranced sleep."

"So, what you said to me when Harry was unconscious and bleeding… you knew I would disobey your instructions and follow Harry…" Severus couldn't hide the shock and irritation in his voice.

"Yes. From there, we could proceed to the real heart of the plan. Everyone who was here yesterday was called in at the beginning of December. A call for volunteers to aid the both of you. I gave them each a gold ring, " he raised his hand, showing a peculiar insignia ring, "in order to keep them on call for this day to come. The rings became portkeys when I activated mine. This way, everyone could be ready at the drop of a hat, and arrive in the Great Hall. They've known the chants and their role from the start. They all knew about the curse, and what had to be done. Here's the reason why I never said anything. You, Harry, are so kind and noble, that you would refuse to let anyone get hurt or harmed in any way for you. In this, you have an Order of Merlin First Class in stubbornness, and I knew without a doubt that you would have refused this plan from the start. Same goes for you too Severus. I will again remind you that everyone volunteered willingly and knew full well of what was going to happen. That said, everyone who was here sacrificed at least one year of their lives in order to give it to you."

"WHAT?!" Harry abruptly stood, not caring that his teacup was knocked to the ground and promptly shattered. Severus was without words, but the disbelief and anger on his face was plain as day.

Unfazed, Dumbledore continued, "See why I didn't say anything? You would have been against the idea. Also, if you knew, then that would have affected you internally, when you were under. You could have rebelled and refused to let it work while you were both under. Even unintentionally."

Harry was floundering for words. "But if I had to die, couldn't you have just drugged me, and, I don't know, resuscitated me? Muggles could be dead for a few minutes before they are jump started at the hospital."

"Muggles don't have to cure themselves of curses, normally. It wouldn't have worked like that. I wish it was that simple. But the curse could not be tricked like that. It had to stick around until your functions were indeed shut down, and there was nothing to 'resuscitate' as you put it."

Harry collapsed, losing his energy and steam. "But then… how…"

"The potion…" Severus piped up. "It was there, in that potion… you said it before. A state of suspended death… One could die completely, but the body would be prevented from any form of decomposition in the slightest, at least so long as the potion was in the system."

"Exactly. It gave us a very short window to work with, but everything went perfectly. During the time when we left to go to dinner, I was actually preparing everyone to be ready to move, and it gave anyone a last chance to change their minds. No one did, by the way." He couldn't help but wink at the two of them. "I made sure that no one gave more than five years of their lives to you. I know you're both upset, but just try to remember what's been given. You now have a future. Your child is safe, and growing very well, according to Madam Pomphrey."

"So... regardless of the other options you gave us, here in this office, you always knew what you were going to do to me? To us?" Harry couldn't help but ask.

"Yes. I knew this was going to be the only way for you were to have any chance to live. You and Severus. Your friend, Ms. Granger, was all for the idea and helped with the creation of the rings. She and Mr. Weasley searched for the people who were willing to partake in this endeavor. Be grateful you have such friends. It truly is a blessing. And if you ever feel badly about this, just remember… If the roles were reversed, you wouldn't hesitate to do the same for either one of them."

Harry couldn't argue this since it was true. "There's just one more thing that's bothering me, sir."

"Let me guess. You want to know if there are other aspects of the curse I've lied about, is that right?" Dumbledore's expression gave nothing away.

"I don't mean to accuse you of lying. But Tom brought up some valid points. Even though you hid what you were planning at the end, it almost seems as though you were planning this since the beginning…" Harry knew he was being blunt and probably insulting, but he needed the answers.

Dumbledore nodded, and settled in for a lengthy explanation. The 'heart' of the matter, as it were. "You're right, my boy… I did…"


	36. A Good Day

Both Harry and Severus sat there, unable to speak or even voice their shock and outrage at the Headmaster's confession. If they were feeling like pieces on a chess board before, than this certainly took the cake, and the silence was the only thing keeping them from shouting profanities to the man they still respected above all, despite everything that's happened.

"Allow me to explain my reasoning. I will tell you right now, that I still do not regret my actions as I watch the two of you together. That image alone will warm the heart of this meddling old coot until the end, even if you both choose never to trust or speak to me ever again after this. Let me take you back to the very beginning. When you were still in school Harry, I knew you and Severus had a similar past. I couldn't understand why you couldn't reach some common ground.

Severus, I wanted you to get to know the boy Harry was, and realize the kinship you shared. I knew you felt responsible for his life, but I wanted you to look passed your duty to your former friend and your former enemy, and see that Harry was not the young man you thought he would become with his name and fame shoved down his throat. That is why I wanted you to teach him Occlumency, so that you could see how similar he was to you. But you remained stubborn, and you couldn't see that you could have someone you could confide in, trust, and let your guard down to.

When Voldemort was defeated, you were still so lost, Severus. Like you didn't know where your life was heading, and I was afraid you might fall into depression, and perhaps end it all." Dumbledore cleared his throat as Harry reached over to grab Severus's hand. Dumbledore went on, "I knew Harry was fond of you, Severus. Or at least I knew that he cared about you very much. When he asked me to help him with the creation of the armguard he gifted you with, he never said who it was meant for. But when he specifically asked how it's possible to block the effects of something as strong as the Dark Mark. It didn't take a genius to figure out his true intent. Also, when you were at St. Mungo's at the end of the final battle, Harry was constantly by your side. He waited for days just sitting there, and holding your hand when he thought no one was looking. He stopped coming the day you woke up."

Severus squeezed the hand that Harry held, as though wishing he could remember. "You never told me that part." He said to Harry.

Harry blushed and looked down, "I didn't think it was important."

Dumbledore smiled, "When you brought Harry into the hospital wing that fateful day, there was something in your demeanor. It wasn't hatred, it was concern. You hid it behind a scowl, and I knew you felt the blame as well, but I could see, you were genuinely concerned for Harry."

Severus closed his eyes, remembering that day that was so long ago that it felt like another era. "Everything happened so fast, I still don't really understand what I was thinking back then… with any of it."

Dumbledore nodded, "I knew what the curse was, and what would need to be done. That was not the problem. The problem was helping you realize what you meant to Harry. That someone could indeed care about you. So I took the opportunity to do a little matchmaking, so to speak…" He chuckled at the looks on their faces. "I merely wanted you to put aside the pettiness of holding a grudge, and I wanted you to be able to at the very least, try to find some understanding, and maybe even try becoming friends. So I pushed and veered you both in that direction until you both left on your journey, and encouraged you both to live your lives to the fullest. You've both been trapped in the dark for so long, it was time that you both found something worth treasuring. I had faith that you both would be able to start anew. Though, even I could not anticipate just how close you two would become. I couldn't be happier for you both."

Severus looked down at his young bondmate… His husband… His life's reward for enduring so much… The only true happiness and peace he's ever known… He brushed a lock of Harry's hair with his fingers, and kissed his forehead. "It was a hard lesson to learn, but when I finally let go of my past, and my old self, I did find something to treasure. And it's brought me happiness beyond anything I've ever known." He said as he gently rubbed his forehead to Harry's. "I just want to know if there was anything else about the curse you haven't mentioned yet. For instance, you first told me that Harry was hurt by the harsh words from the one he loves. But from what I'm hearing, that doesn't sound like that was the case in the end."

"Like we established before, the curse was based on Harry's doubts. And though you were unaware of it, Harry valued your opinion of him quite heavily, Severus. Every time you expressed your disappointment in him, he felt disappointed in himself. And he doubted he could ever change how you saw him. The curse was just as deadly as I said, but I may have exaggerated the timeframe a bit, and romanticized the situation a little…" Dumbledore flinched.

"You mean I could have just had a gaping hole in my chest for years that never healed." Harry said, repeating what Tom had told him.

"Yes. You might have been alright for the first few years, but it would get harder as time moved on. Eventually, the wound would have constantly bled, and wouldn't have been able to stop. No matter how carefully you tried to live, it would still kill you. Slowly, and painfully. I embellished the truth in order for you to find the important things worth living for sooner, rather than later. You see, when faced with dire situations, we allow ourselves to be more honest in what we want and what we need. It was a gamble, I know, to do that to the both of you. And what I said about the curse shifting to your child was true. That is what would have happened. So it was better to take care of your situation now."

"If you knew what to do to cure Harry of the curse, why did you wait so long?" Severus all but demanded. "Are you really telling me that you let Harry be in that much pain just so that I could learn to accept him as who he was rather than what he was?"

Dumbledore looked guilty, but he responded, "In a way… yes. If I hadn't, you wouldn't have tried to change yourself and find something worth living for. You would still be in your shell of dark rooms and antisocial natures."

Before Severus could start shouting, Harry spoke to him. "Severus… remember when we talked about what we might have been doing if nothing like this ever happened?" Severus looked down at Harry, and simply nodded, remembering how dull and bleak his life was before. "I know what you're thinking, love. You're wondering about the 'what if's' again. Well, like we've said it several times in the past, let's not focus on what could have happened… Instead, think about what you said last night. We are here, and we are alive. And I hope you're as happy with the outcome as I am, regardless of how we got here." He leaned up to give Severus a very gentle kiss.

That kiss transported Severus back to when they were on the cruise ship, sharing their first of many kisses. He knew the truth, and he knew he had to admit it. At first, he thought it was just his duty to look after Harry. But then it became so much more… The chains around his heart vanished the night he and Harry became dancing partners, and he held the young man in his arms for the first time. The first time Severus was truly grateful to be alive. No war, no expectations, no pressure, just two souls getting to know each other. Dumbledore wanted him to find some sort of happiness, and learn to appreciate it. "I have to ask. What would have happened if we hadn't come back, and Harry's heart was giving out?"

"You may have put a muggle chip on the locket Harry wore, but I put my own enchantments on it as my own source of security. When Harry asked Ms. Granger to check for tracking charms on the necklace, she discreetly forgot to mention any charms that were placed on it. I had informed her that there were untraceable charms that made the locket an emergency portkey with a mild heart monitor. If the necklace was close to Harry, it would be able to pick up whether or not he was in danger, and activated to bring him here anyways, and I would explain what needed to be done." Dumbledore knew Harry wouldn't get rid of that locket, even if he did find out it was bugged.

"But why did you wait until December to inform everyone?" Harry asked.

"I knew you would have been fine for a year at the very least, with or without Severus's help or influence. It felt like an appropriate time to let the cat out of the bag."

Having most of his answers, at least the important ones, Harry stood and stretched. "This is a lot of information to take in, and I hope we can talk about this later, but I think we should leave this issue for now. I can honestly say that I am hurt, shocked, feeling betrayed, as well as happy, grateful, and so much in love…" He said as he looked at Severus who was standing up as well. "I know you had your reasons for handling the situation the way you did, and in a way, I suppose I approve. I too cannot argue with the results." He rubbed his still flat stomach gently. "But the memory of the pain and fear will take some time to wash away. So if you'll please excuse us…" Harry took Severus's hand, and walked to the door.

Severus followed close behind, and chose not to look back as the door closed behind them. Perhaps he could forgive the man, one day. But not now…

* * *

Out in one of the gardens on the Hogwarts grounds, Harry, Severus, Ron, and Hermione were having a picnic and sharing stories of what they missed during the year apart.

Ron and Hermione felt a little strange talking with their former professor, but that didn't stop his dark sense of humor when he recounted his thoughts about the two of them in his old classes, and how utterly insufferable they were. Harry couldn't help but laugh as the two of them squirmed under his wit and sarcasm, but soon after, they found their voices and quipped back at the formerly brooding man, and playfully gave him a piece of their own minds.

"You're right. I was a bastard and an insufferable prick, who just needed to get laid." Of course he said this just as Ron was taking a drink of his butterbeer. Harry had just barely missed the line of fire as the sticky substance made its rather unattractive escape out the youth's nose. The look on Severus's face told everyone he was not sorry.

To make matters worse, Severus decided to play up on the lovey doveyness as he and Harry both fed each other grapes or finger sandwiches. Harry would nibble on Severus's fingers, licking the grape juice off them, and Severus would lean in to lick Harry's cheek, where a few crumbs were stuck. Ron groaned in discomfort and embarrassment, and Hermione just giggled and blushed at seeing the man in a new light. She couldn't have been happier for the two of them.

The whole afternoon felt very domestic, and normal. Yet to Harry and Severus, it was a perfect dream. They were simply sitting, talking, eating, breathing, smiling, laughing, and everything that made a person feel good and peaceful. That feeling that everything was right with the world. As Harry and Severus held hands, they both silently vowed never to take this kind of peace for granted. And for Harry, it was even more special, since he truly believed he would never see his two best friends in person ever again. His heart sang with happiness, and it was all the sweeter as he unashamedly held hands with Severus. After they finished eating, they decided to take a walk around the castle to continue their conversation.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry for keeping that secret from you, Harry. It damn near killed me, but the thought that I could help cure you was what kept me going. I hope you can forgive me." Hermione said, shifting the conversation to something a little more serious in order to get something off her chest.

"And me. She wasn't alone in this." Ron said, standing next to her, ready to take any wrath Harry wished to purge onto them.

Harry shook his head and just hugged the two of them. "Just tell me you both accept being the godparents to my child, and we'll call the matter settled." Hermione squealed at the idea, and Ron tightened his hold on both of them. When Harry could breathe again, he turned towards Hermione. "So you knew before Christmas. That's why you were way too chipper in your Christmas message to me, wasn't it?"

Hermione blushed. "Yeah, I couldn't help it. I was so full of hope that it could work. I gave Dumbledore my own verbal beating for having all the answers from the beginning. Did you know he removed pretty much any reference guide from the restricted section of the library? Anything that could have possibly lead to Merlin or his Grimoire…"

"No wonder my search was also fruitless…" Severus said quietly.

"I still can't believe he obtained such a book." Harry said.

"Which book?" Hermione asked.

"The Grimoire. It must not have been easy to get."

"Oh. …Um…"

"What?"

"… Like I said… He's had ALL the answers since the beginning."

"He said he went through thick and thin in order to obtain such a rare book."

"Well… that may have been true at some point, but that was years and years ago when he was laying claim to it."

"Laying claim?"

"Right of ownership… Only a direct descendant could claim ownership of the manuscript…"

"… Wait… are you saying that… Dumbledore…?"

Hermione nodded. "There's a reason why he's the most powerful wizard of this age…"

Harry looked over to Severus, and by the flabbergasted look on his face, this was news to him as well.

They all walked in silence for a moment, in silent contemplation about the man who they knew so well, and apparently not at all. Severus just took a moment to reflect. He drew Harry close so that he could embrace him from behind and bury his nose into that unruly mop atop his head. He focused on the warmth of the body he held, the smell of his hair, and then he tried picturing what it felt like not to have these things… these simple things… he honestly couldn't bare it. Especially now when every dream he ever dared wished for has come true. Leaning further down, he spoke directly into Harry's ear, making him shiver at the sensation of feeling his warm breath over his sensitive lobe. "Isn't there an official wedding we should be planning?"

Ron put his arm around Hermione as he watched the carefree couple. "My mother would murder me if you didn't let her plan most of it. She still doesn't know that I've known all along what was wrong with Harry, and let me tell you, that's one lecture I would rather not have. So if you both would be so kind as to give her something more pleasant to focus on, I'd be very much obliged to get my head of the proverbial chopping block." He stroked his neck as everyone else laughed, including Severus. It was indeed a good day.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I hope this chapter tied up any and all the loose ends and answered all remaining questions. If not, let me know. This is the problem with having a stop and go story. You forget about the little details, and this story has veered far away from where it was originally going to go or end. Geeze, I can't believe it's been over a year since I started posting this story. How time flies.

And now, it's winding down… As such, I need a Vote! - Should I just write the Epilogue, or should I write about the Wedding, and possible Honeymoon?


	37. Epilogue: What Will Be, Will Be

Author's Note: BIG APOLOGY! I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything. Life got so psycho bonkers crazy, that I have hardly had a day off this whole year, let alone time to write. But without further ado, here's the final conclusion of the story... enjoy!

* * *

All was right with the world in general, but not as they should be for Harry. He lay there in the dark, tears fresh on his face, as he gently rubbed the belly of the precious little bundle sleeping next to him. He and Severus had a fight earlier that morning, and it still hurt Harry to think about it. It was for such a stupid reason, too. So frivolous that he could barely remember what it was about. What he did remember was the silence in the room. First, from the man he had been arguing with, and then from the room in general as the front door closed behind the silent figure.

This was not the first time the man had done this. When they argued, it always seemed the man would leave rather than continue the tirade. Afterwards, Harry would be left alone with his thoughts. And those thoughts weren't kind. Especially when after everything they had been through, some days it didn't seem to be enough to keep the man in the house. Everything was so peaceful during the first few months after their 'resurrection'. Harry thought back to the time of his wedding day. The one he had always wished for.

* * *

The sun was shining, and the light peaked into the bedroom Harry and Severus were staying at the Burrow. The rest of the family didn't care about formal traditions, since Harry and Severus were technically already married. Instead, they leisurely woke up to the morning sun, ready to approach the upcoming day. Harry rubbed his eyes, and leaned down to give his sleeping partner a soft kiss.

Severus moaned in disappointment at the loss of contact when Harry pulled away, so he trapped the young man in his arms and pulled him closer.

"Good morning to you too." Harry giggled as he marveled at his lover's strength, even half asleep.

"I wish we could just stay like this. You know how I get around large crowds…"

"I know, love. But it would mean so much to me. And you don't want to disappoint Molly who has worked on this whole thing from dawn to dusk every day for a month."

"I'll do this for you, darling. You know that. I just don't like being put on display. There is no doubt going to be reporters in the crowd who want the story of the century."

"Well, the world is already used to the idea that the two of us are together in some sense, so they can get over it." They both found out that Dumbledore had a hand in keeping things quiet if a witch or wizard did try to tell the press about accidentally seeing the two wizards together. But in order to keep things on the down low, Dumbledore agreed to do an interview with a member of the Prophet concerning the desire for privacy of the two wizards who saved the world. The world owed it to them to stay out of their affairs. And without confirming or denying certain facts about just how close the two wizards had become, Dumbledore did elude to the fact that they were indeed traveling together.

Just then, there was a knock on the door, and a familiar voice belonging to non-other than Ronald Weasley floated through the door. "Oi! If you two want breakfast, might want to get downstairs now, otherwise you won't be able to eat until the reception!"

Harry groaned before he raised his voice, "Thank you, Ron. We'll be down momentarily." Harry rubbed his eyes, and sat up to stretch. "I wish I could partake in a Mamosa…" He paused to yawn. "Or something with alcohol to loosen up my nerves."

An arm snaked up around his stomach and pulled him into a warm chest. "I could help loosen your nerves if you wished…" Severus whispered as he ever so gently licked the shell of Harry's ear.

Harry spasmed in a shock of pleasant chills down his arms. "Oh… as much as I want that, I feel as though we would not be able to leave this bed until after the time of the ceremony."

"You're right, but I feel like tonight, we'll both be so tired, we won't be able to do anything."

Harry turned around in order to get his mate a proper kiss. "Tomorrow, when we wake up in Argentina, we won't leave our bed for anything other than food, restroom, or if we decide we want to migrate to the bathtub."

Snape's lips shifted into a rather lewd smile, "Just wait until you see some of the wedding presents I got for you."

Harry wondered briefly if he should be concerned, but brushed it off, because he knew he would let his husband do anything to him during their Honeymoon Part 2, as they called it. "I am curious to see what my creative and inventive lover has in store for us next week…" He nibbled gently on Severus's bottom lip. "I can hardly wait…" Just when he heard Severus let out a primal growl in his chest, he jumped up off the bed, and out of reach of the man before he could pounce. "Guess we should get up and get some food before we get ready for the day." Harry cheekily winked at his lover as Severus looked so frustrated at losing his prey that it was almost comical.

Severus crawled off the bed, and did some stretching of his own. "You go ahead. I think I'll start on a shower and… take care of a few things…" Severus said as he made his way to the bathroom without a look back.

"I love you!" Harry called out to Severus as the door shut on the man. The sound of running water was his only reply. Harry knew he was going to pay for that later, but couldn't be brought to care as he remembered the time when Severus made good on his promise of "punishing his naughty student over his desk". Harry shuddered at the stimulating memory. He never thought he would be into role-play scenarios, but the orgasm he received spoke for itself as he was rendered unconscious.

Later that day, when they were both ushered into separate rooms in order to get ready for the wedding, Harry was surprised to discover that he actually felt nervous. So much so that he wanted to expel the contents of his stomach all over his fancy robes. Hermione chose both of their dress robes, and they both wholeheartedly approved of her taste. Severus had Black with accents of green and silver embroidery, with a green vest and black silk trousers. Harry had dark cobalt blue robes with a burgundy vest and black brocaded trousers. They were both traditionally wizard appropriate with a modern muggle feel.

"Are you ok, Harry? You're looking a little pale." Hermione's voice sounded through his thoughts.

"Hm? Oh, yes. I'm alright. It's just… I never thought I'd actually be nervous. I mean, we're already bonded and married… so the idea that I have butterflies in my stomach just seems rather silly to me."

"It's not silly at all Harry. Like Severus, you've never been one for the lime light. And while you may have wished for this to be a 'family only' affair, I think the rest of the world felt like they were entitled to know the details of your relationship. After all, you two have the most romantic love affair of the century, riddled with blood and hope. It's sure to pass onto the history books, and into legend."

Harry rubbed his stomach gently. "I'm just afraid for my daughter. What if she's faced with the same amount of unwanted attention as I was growing up? Even without Rita Skeeter sticking her nose into my business, I still felt like I was driven to the brink of insanity with all of the bad press shoved into my face."

"Dumbledore already took care of that. All of the major paper and periodical companies have all signed contracts agreeing that nothing will be posted about your child other than the announcement of her birth. Even Rita Skeeter has agreed to it. Unless your daughter makes some amazing breakthrough entirely on her own that becomes news worthy, she will not be mentioned in any papers or magazines. The Ministry even backed Dumbledore up on that. Any violators will be stripped of their job, references, and be tried for oath breaking."

"That makes me feel a bit better, I guess."

"Also, remember who installed your new wards. No one is apparating anywhere near your home, without proper permission." She winked at him. Harry knew that his home was safe, thanks to Hermione's and Severus's wards. It was a great comfort that they wouldn't have any unexpected visitors haunting their doorstep.

Harry took one final look at himself in the mirror. Even he had to admit that he was looking quite dashing and handsome. His hair was gelled and styled thanks to Hermione's care, and he looked healthier and happier than he can remember. He was practically radiant.

Hermione came up behind him and rested her chin on his shoulder. Harry thought she was looking beyond stunning herself. She addressed him via his reflection. "You're perfect Harry. I'm so happy for you, and I can't tell you what it means to me that you are right here, right now."

Harry tilted his head so that he could rub his temple against hers. "Me too, 'Mione. I never dreamed I could ever be here."

She knew what he meant. A lifetime of hardships, and suddenly given a hopeful and happy future with the man you love. They stayed like that just enjoying the moment when a sudden knock sounded on the door, and a near frantic red head popped in.

"The guests are all here and seated. Shacklebolt is ready to blow the whistle. If you two aren't downstairs in two minutes, they're going to start the ceremony without you."

Harry laughed, and pulled them both in for a final hug. "Let's get this over with so we can jump to the party!" Harry jovially said as he practically skipped down the steps with his friends at his heels. He couldn't help it. The nerves from before suddenly turned into excited energy at the thought of seeing his most handsome husband in his dress robes, probably wearing a stern scowl to conceal how nervous he was as well.

The ceremony was short and sweet. Kingsley was their officiator, much to Dumbledore's dismay. That was his 'punishment' for meddling in Harry and Severus's affairs. They both couldn't be too angry with him, since his hunch helped the two of them have the happy future neither of them thought they deserved or would ever get.

There was a thunderous applause that shook the ground as Harry and Severus kissed for all the world to see. The moment was captured with several cameras and cheers sounded to the sky, deafening the whole audience. But to the two at the Alter, the world melted into a blissful haze. Their hearts beat in unison, and the future was theirs for the taking. It was in this moment when the two of them truly felt reborn.

* * *

Tears continued to fall as Harry remembered that moment. So full of hope, and happiness. But then he thinks of now, when his dark thoughts plagued him with memories of his doubts. _Did you really think everything was going to be sunshine and rainbows? I'm a hard man who's lived a hard life. Do you think I could ever live without feeling anger? That we would never have an argument? Do you really think we could have lived more than one year together?_ This was the first and only relationship he's ever had, and while he's beyond happy most of the time, the fact of the matter was that he was lying in the dark, crying to himself when Severus was who knows where. He was tired of it. He also felt lonely, because his best friends were off on their own Honeymoon excursion at the moment, so he didn't want to bother them, or anyone with these feeble matters.

His tiny Rose shifted and stretched in her sleep, nearly punching him in the jaw. Despite himself, he gently laughed at his little one and kissed her head. He knew he still had to plan her birthday party that was coming up in a month. He couldn't believe that she was already three years old. Her birth was relatively an easy one, with all things considered, and he thanked Merlin every day that he was a wizard.

* * *

"Dear Gods just give me a break!" Harry shouted in the hospital wing at Hogwarts. They all agreed that it would be the best place for Harry to give birth when the time came. But Harry had been kept awake for the past forty hours, and he was desperate for sleep, but the pain was too great. He already took the maximum amount of pain killers allowed for a safe male pregnancy, and the baby was not quite ready to be extracted yet. Harry was constantly in tears from the pain.

Severus sat by Harry's side, holding his hand and wiping his brow with a cool compress. He didn't know if it helped, but he needed to feel useful since Harry was flailing and in obvious discomfort. "I'm so sorry, Love. I wish I could take the pain away, or at least share it." They were both alone at the moment while Poppy was in her office, preparing for the final stages of delivery.

Harry flopped back onto the bed and looked at the ceiling. "I appreciate the sentiment, but that's not a very helpful wish…" He threw his free arm over his eyes as he continued to cry.

Severus brought Harry's hand up to kiss it as he interlocked their fingers and used his other hand to comb the damp bangs out of his young husband's watery eyes. "Tell me what I can do for you. I hate seeing you in so much pain."

Harry turned his head, so that he could look at Severus's worried face. The man hadn't slept a wink either. "There's nothing you can really do. It's just… this is taking so long. I'm frustrated, exhausted, and tired being in this bed. I'm tired of being an emotional pregnant monster… no! Don't deny it! I've been crying over the littlest things, my back and feet are in constant agony, and I am sick of Poppy telling me that it's not time yet…" Harry managed to gasp out as a new onslaught of tears overtook him. Severus leaned over and rested his head on the pillow, next to Harry. He kissed Harry's cheek, nuzzled his temple, and whispered softly in his ear. "You are a marvel, Harry. Pregnancy is not an easy journey for anyone, but you've been fantastic! I've loved watching you change as our daughter grew day by day. You've been a treasure to me, no matter how you've acted. Even now, I find you utterly amazing."

Harry took a few deep breaths before he trusted his voice not to crack, "Keep talking. Just keep talking to me…"

Severus smiled and continued to speak softly. "I'm going to spoil the two of you so rotten. I know you'll need your rest and will be stuck in a bed for a while, but I will happily give you gentle back massages anytime you want. We'll dine in bed at every meal. I'll bathe with you in our spacious bath. I'll read anything you wish to you, since I know how much you love my dulcet tones. And I'll take the first three months of diaper duty!"

Despite the pain, Harry laughed at the inclusion of that last bit. "You are so good to me Severus. I hate being such a burden."

"You're not a burden, Harry. I understand how hard this has been for you. Males aren't naturally meant to carry children. Most would deny this, but not many would have the constitution to be able to face what you're enduring right now. Even though it's possible, most would rather find a surrogate."

"I suppose… thanks to all of the pain I endured with my heart… that this is a cakewalk in comparison. The pain isn't as bad as that was, but it's just so constant… and I also know it's temporary and will pass. But still…"

"I know, Love. In the here and now, it's the most inconvenient thing in the world. But just think. A couple of weeks in a bed won't be all bad. Especially when I can do all sorts of naughty things to you…" Severus wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as he bit his lip in that devious smirk that always got Harry blushing. "Just think of the long and leisurely explorations I can perform on your prone figure. Perhaps I should also get my hands on some erotic novels that I could read out loud to you, and we could reenact some of the more enticing scenes…"

Harry groaned, "That's not fair Severus. It's impossible for me to get aroused when I have a mountain in the way." They hadn't made love since Harry's abdomen grew passed a certain point to be comfortable, but Severus had made sure to demonstrate how he could still find Harry desirable, even at his largest state. But now, with Harry stuck in the stasis of male labor, he might as well have been impotent for all the effects, or lack-thereof, Severus's words and ministrations had on him.

"Just another temporary hurdle, my love. It too shall pass." He said as he kissed his poor, suffering lover.

Just then, Harry bolted upright awkwardly. "GAH! POPPY! She shifted! Is it time?! Please say it's time!" Harry shouted.

Poppy rushed into the room, carrying a tray of portions, clean towels, and salves. Running her wand over Harry's bulging stomach, she smiled. "Yes, Harry. She's ready." Set the items down and got to work. Severus moved behind Harry so that he could rest against the man's chest and hold tightly onto both of his hands. In this position, Severus would be able to keep Harry steady, and prevent him from thrashing.

Poppy worked quickly as she alternated simultaniously from using her wand, to forcing Harry to swallow a series of potions, to readying the towels to receive the long awaited bundle. The whole process took less than ten minutes, much to Harry's surprise and immense relief. After Poppy fixed him up and gave him the last potion, he was no longer in any pain, and was just simply exhausted. But it was all worth it as he was crying for a different reason and gazing down at the precious tiny hand that tightly clasped one of his fingers. There was a shrill cry coming out from the tiny mouth as new lungs were tested, but the sound was beautiful in that moment. Harry rested against Severus as the two of them cooed over their new arrival. Harry kissed the pale head and whispered, "Welcome to the world, my beautiful Rose…"

* * *

Harry heard the door open downstairs, and just kept quiet. He knew the man stayed out late on purpose just to avoid speaking to Harry upon his return. The man would sleep on the couch at first. But when Harry tried to sleep there in order to 'catch' the man, then he would find him in their bed, where they slept together most nights aside from these times. Neither of them broached the subject the next morning. They were both more in the habit of forgetting but not necessarily forgiving, so it still didn't solve anything. This time around though, Harry decided to let the man choose his resting place for the night. He could have the couch or the bed. Harry would just lie here all night next to his living miracle, and think about his current problem.

He listened to the man's footsteps as they were about to pass the nursery and head into their bedroom, but the steps stopped. Harry held his breath, waiting for the steps to continue. They didn't. Harry raised himself up, and looked at the shadowy figure in the doorway.

Without a word, the figure crossed over and leaned over the gate of the crib. He reached down and wiped away the tear tracks that reflected the moonlight from the open window. Harry leaned into the hand on his face, and couldn't help the fresh tears that followed down the existing trails. After an extended period of silence as the two figures simply watched each other, the standing wizard finally spoke. "I thought our daughter was the one who was supposed to crawl into our beds after having a nightmare."

Harry wasn't sure where to go with that. It was obviously a joke, meant to break the ice, but Harry could only lower his head to look at the peacefully sleeping child. "She's very good at keeping my nightmares away." He whispered. Above him, he heard the man sigh. Harry was afraid he was going to leave again, and braced himself to listening to the retreating steps. Instead, he felt himself being lifted or levitated with magic out of the large crib, and into the man's arms.

"We need to talk, Harry." The man said somberly.

Something about those words always brought about the harbinger of bad news. So Harry kept still and tense, and waited as the man sat down in the big, cozy reading chair, and rested Harry on his lap.

"You've been avoiding me. Don't deny it." Severus stated matter of factly.

Harry was so shocked by this, that he had to remind himself at the last possible second to keep his voice down as he harshly whispered. "Me?! Who's the one who always leaves in the middle of an argument?"

"I leave, because I feel that what we argue about is pointless and neverending, so I leave in order for you to calm down, and you're fine the next day."

Harry wanted to cry all over again. "I am not _fine_. I'm never fine when you do that. What makes you think that I don't want to resolve any of the arguments we have? You run away and pretend they never happen. I don't bring it up again, because I don't want you to leave again." He took a tissue out of his pocket to wipe his eyes and nose, which he knew was seeping in a rather unattractive manner. "You yelled at me so often when I was younger, for doing even the slightest thing out of line. In a way, I relied on it, because I knew that your scolding was keeping me grounded. But now… you are silent… it's… unnerving to be honest. I almost feel like those arguments get out of hand so quickly, because I'm almost desperate to hear you shout at me."

Severus sighed again, but this time, it was calmer. He couldn't help but let out a chuckle. Harry looked horrified that Severus found any of this even remotely funny. Severus leaned down and kissed the wet cheeks. "Oh, my love… how far we have come, and how much we need to learn…"

"I don't understand." Harry complained.

"This has been an amazing couple of years. The good and bad. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. Listen to me, my darling husband. We've both been behaving like fools, and for that, I apologize. I'm afraid the concept of the domestic married life is still a foreign concept to me, and I still don't know how to act in certain normal situations. I think the same goes for you as well. As such, we're indirectly hurting each other with our actions rather than fixing what's really wrong."

"What is it that's 'wrong'?"

"Us. We were both so high on the wedded bliss that when the small things come up, we didn't know how to handle them, so we ignored them until it was a bunch of small things that center around one big underlying problem. Think about it. If one of us said something or did something small that the other one didn't like, we mainly just ignored it in favor of it not being that important. We've been through so much that we didn't want to break the happiness we found. But in doing so, we disillusioned ourselves into thinking that nothing could go wrong, and before we knew it, here we are."

Harry was sure he was lost with that reasoning, but he could sort of see where Severus was getting at. They didn't want to think about the bad. They didn't want to think about the pain of the past. But now, there was something that kept them from staying in their happy bubble. "How do we fix it?"

"Nothing really needs to be fixed, love. That's what makes it so silly if you think about it. This is life. This is love. This is us being married, and this is how our happily ever after really is. When I leave the house, I thought that's what you wanted or needed me to do. And I don't want to be the man I used to be. The one who was so quick to raise his voice at any provocation." Severus turned his head away as his eyes became unfocused and distant, " … I still think of that day… the last time I truly shouted at you… and there was all that blood… I suppose I'm still not over how my harsh words brought you all that pain"

"But they don't anymore. What brings me pain now is how you won't stay… You wouldn't talk to me…"

Severus tightened his hold. "Forgive me, my love. I promise I won't do it again."

Harry sighed as he leaned against his husband. Maybe those were the magic words he'd been waiting to hear. "I'm sorry too. I know that I'm still affected by what the fake Tom had said. Raising my doubts, about us really being able to have a happy marriage. And I would think about those shadows who dared to wear your face… I suppose that's why I stay silent. I didn't want to say anything wrong…or have the chance to prove any of those doubts to be right."

"Such small things... I've never been in a meaningful relationship before you, so I'm still waiting for you to tire of me, even though I know that day won't ever come. Despite that, I have my own fears and doubts that plague me. Which I also know is silly. I'm sorry that I'm the one who makes you cry…"

Harry leaned up to kiss the man's chin. "I would forgive you anything and everything. And I will never tire of you."

"Nor I you." Severus said as he turned to receive a proper kiss. "Tell me, why did I find you disturbing our daughter's slumber?"

"She keeps me calm, and no matter what, she's always helped put things into perspective. If you needed your space for whatever reason, or if I needed to remain silent in order to keep you in the house, then I would gladly be miserable for a short while. Just so long as I could be held in your arms the next night, then it wouldn't matter."

"Oh Harry… you have no idea how similar that was to how I thought. I say it again, we are such fools…"

Harry could hear it in the tone that Severus was on the verge of tears himself. He reached up in order to embrace the man fully, "I love you, my precious fool."

Severus chuckled and held Harry close. "And I love you. We were always so good about speaking about what was on our minds. Somehow we forgot how."

"Well, I think with everything happening all at once, we were still not sure if the curse was truly gone. We were afraid to jinx it, therefore we were treading on eggshells."

"That makes sense."

"I'm glad we talked it out. I don't want to sleep without you near."

Severus kissed his temple, and made to stand up. "We shall face all obstacles, no matter how rough, and come out on top."

They both looked down at their little marvel, asleep in the crib. "She is perfection." Harry whispered in awe.

"That she is." Severus reached down to gently stroke a plump cheek. "No matter what happens in this life, or the next, I dedicate myself and all that I am to the two of you."

Harry hesitated, "…Three…"

Severus looked at him, "I beg your pardon?"

Harry grabbed Severus's hand and put it on his flat stomach. "Alphonse Teron is on his way…"

Severus was speechless. He stood there with his mouth open for a few minutes before finally asking, "How long have you…"

"Known? Today. After you left… I got a fire call from Madam Pomfrey to come in for a routine check-up. That woman can't get enough of making sure I'm alright. Anyway, during the diagnostics, she discovered that I'm three weeks pregnant."

"But… how do you know…?"

"That it's a boy? I just feel it. I can't explain or describe it, but I'm as sure as I was when I was carrying little Rose. It's also why I was extra depressed from our fight. I should have been happy, and wanting to tell you right away, but I didn't know how to approach you, and it felt like I was using it as an excuse to hide the real problem. If we hadn't talked tonight, I was going to tell you when things cooled down. It didn't stop me from being extra emotional, though."

Severus wrapped his arms around Harry's middle, and pulled him close. "I'm so sorry you have such a jerky husband. Such a bad, insensitive bond-mate."

Harry giggled, and nuzzled his cheek, "He's just lucky I love him. And he can make it up to me by bringing me breakfast in bed for a week."

Severus laughed lightly in his ear. "As you wish you little manipulator." He pulled back to observe his teasing and adorable husband as he pouted. "What am I going to do with you?" He asked affectionately.

"All I ask is for you to love me. Love all of us."

"I promise I will. To the end of my days and beyond." He took his finger and traced a familiar shape on Harry's chest. "Cross my heart." He sealed this promise with a sweet and gentle kiss.

~ Fin~

* * *

 **A/N:** And that's a wrap! I hope you all enjoyed this final chapter. Again, so sorry it took so long to write. I made it extra long to cover all the points to sap up the wrap up (I didn't feel like I could top the first honeymoon). There will not be a sequel to this storyline, because I believe I've exhausted all avenues I wanted to go with it. I was originally going to have the bonding ceremony be Harry's cure, but then I kept on thinking about how I could up the ante just a little bit more. I think it was worth it though. I hope you all think so too. But sometimes, there has to be an end. Not to worry though. I have many more Snarry ideas brewing in the stew pot that is my brain. I have a few other stories I need to finish as well. Thank you all so much for reading, following, and reviewing. It's a nice feeling to know that so many people enjoy my work!


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